i'm only 15 years old and my boyfriend and i had been having unprotected sex for about a month, but he always pulled out. for the last 2 years, my period has been VERY regular (every 26 days), and it has never even been one day late. that was until about 3 weeks ago...i missed my period, and i got kinda worried, cause i never had before. then, after about 4 days after that we decided that i should take a test. we bought a "first response" one, and i took it. i think that we both thought that it would be negative. but...it came out positive!!! we talked about it for alot, and about what we're going to do (i don't believe in abortion, and i don't really like adoption0, so i guess we decided that we'd have to keep the baby. but i'm only 15, and he's only 17. that means that we'd be parents at 16 and 18. nobody really knows except for his mom, she is very supportive-not happy, supportive. i guess we need it, cause i have no clue how we're going to tell mine-they're going to kill us!!! i know that we should go to the doctors to make sure...but i don't know how. i can't go to my family doctor, and the local clinic isn't an option (personal reasons). where do i go? everyone keeps saying that i'm too small, and that i'd never be able to carry the baby "to term". what does that mean? i don't want ot bring a child into the world if it's going to be "messed up" (i know it's not polittically correct, but...) what about miscarraige? i'm so scared, and so confused, i just want some answers. please, if there's anyone who's going through the same thing, of if you have, please write back (or if you just have advice). i am soooo scared, at least my boyfriend has been great so far, and he plans to support whatever i decide. anyways, i have to go, sorry i took so much space, but i guess i just needed to vent somewhere... thanx
Posts: 4 | Registered: Oct 2001
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being too small to carry a baby to term: My mother is around 5'2" and carried 4 babies *past* term. Sometimes, size has nothing to do with it. Ditto age.
miscarriage: This is just something that happens naturally to some people. A self-induced miscarriage can be extremely dangerous to your health, even fatal, for many reasons. A surgical abortion would be safer.
thank you for telling me about miscarriages. i'm 5'1 and 97 lbs. so i guess if she could have babies then i should to okay too. is self-induced miscarriage, give the same result as an abortion? thanx
Posts: 4 | Registered: Oct 2001
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"Self-induced miscarriage" meaning what, honey?
I'm going to be what may be painfully honest here: if you want to consider abortion, consider abortion. You don't need to cloak it in semantics or make up new names for it. It's also a VERY bad idea to try and *make* yourself miscarry so that you can feel you didn't abort. That's simply patently unsafe, and it just doesn't nake any sense.
I think I can saay safely that the best parents I know are those that upon being pregnant, sat down, looked sensibly at ALL the topions -- exclusing none -- and chose what they felt best with after that consideration. Denial is of no help to anyone.
In terms of seeing or not seeing your regular doctor, in a few months of pregnancy, it's going to be clear you're pregnant, and thus, if you plan to carry your pregnancy to term, there's no sense in being secretive.
Lastly, as is likely obvious at this point, withdrawal is not a method of birth control. It does not work.
Gal, have you thought about getting some counselling to help you figure out what you want?
Deciding that you are going to keep the baby simply because you "don't believe in abortion, and don't really like adoption" seems a bit too simplistic and short-sighted for me, honey. Please, please take some time to sit down and really think about whether you will be able to handle becoming a parent. It's a lifelong commitment, gal. - I truly believe teens can be great parents, but it's never going to be easy, and becoming a parent is a big big big thing that requires a lot of responsiblity on your part. When you decide to become a parent, you can never go back. - All young parents that we have around here can probably just second that. Once you are a parent, there is no going back, you are responsible for a little human being. Come what may.
Can you give a child what it needs? Is there a way you could support your little family? Is the relationship you have able to handle the transition to a family? Do you even want that? Could you handle everything even if your partner suddenly decided being a young parent might not be for him? And how about your own dreams and wants and needs? Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to put you down here, or talk you out of anything, but I want to challenge you, because you don't seem to have quite understood what a giant thing is happening to you at the moment.
In my opinion, sometimes, deciding to either not carry a child to term, or to enable your child to grow up in a different family, under better circumstances than you could offer, is the best solution, really.
So how about discussing all this with a pro? The people at your local Planned Parenthood Clinic either offer Pregnancy Counseling themselves or can refer you to a place that does and that isn't run by a pro-life organisation that is out there to scare you. You can reach your local Planned Parenthood affiliate clinic by calling 1-800-230-PLAN (if you are located in the US). If the clinic in your city isn't a choice, you to the one in your neighbouring county.
And well, just as Heather said: self-induced miscarriage is abortion. Nothing else. And better to get a safe, legal medical one then to put yourelf in danger.
------------------ Caro ~spanking new Scarleteen Sexpert~
"Through repetition the magic will be forced to rise." Alchemical Precept
[This message has been edited by Alaska (edited 10-15-2001).]
thanks alot for writing back you guys...i didn't make up the term "self-induced miscarriage", i was just asking what it was because of what "aria51" responded to me.
i know that we shouldn't rule out any possibilities, and we haven't completely, but i guess i made it come across wrong. we've talked about it a LOT for the last week or so, and we have decided that we think (and both want), our relationship to stay together, and feel strongly enough that it will. (i know, i know, most teen relationships don't last, but we're going to make it.
i also have thought about it on my own, and read information from some of your links, and i've decided that even if we broke up, or he suddenly doesn't want to be part of our childs life, i could deal with it on my own (with the support of family/friends). i guess that's all i really want...support, and understanding.
i've told my best friend, and my older brother. they've both been super, and said they'll support whatever i decide, and will help with anything. so far the few people that do know have all been ok with it, so that makes me feel a little better about telling my parents, except i'm sill scared they're going to kill me!!!
anyways, thanks alot for helping me decide that i need to decide what i really want, and what's going to be the best in the long run...
oh yeah, about being able to support ourselves, my boyfriends mom has already said that i can move in with them, and we'd have a room for the baby. we also both have jobs, so i guess we should do ok...i hope. i read somewhere that there is support for teen moms, but i don't remember if that was only in the states (i'm from canada).
do you know of any other clinics that i could go to in canada? also, does an abortion really cost $300? (that's what a girl at the kids help phone website said)?
I said self-induced miscarriage because you asked about miscarriages, and I thought you were meaning miscarriages as an option. I was in no way implying that this was something you should try. If a natural miscarriage happens, it happens, but that's all left up to fate. See what I'm saying?
Good for you for telling your brother and your friend about your pregnancy. The more people you tell, the wider your support circle becomes. Good luck with your parents.
aria is right: good that you have told some people: the more people know, the more support and help you will probably get. Now tell your parents. Better they hear it from you than from your boyfriends mother or your brother or anyone else. And better they hear it as early as possible. Same goes for healthcare - the earlier, the better.
In case you seriously worry that your parents might physically hurt you (and don't just say "they will kill you" because they will be shocked) tell a counselor from Planned Parenthood who will help you tell your parents or find an alternative solution for you.
Please be aware that you will probably have to tell you parents even when you decide to get an abortion: to the best of my knowledge, canadian women under 16 need the written consent of a parent or guardian before an abortion under general anesthesia.
The cost of an abortion differs from province to province and depends on whether you are under a health plan, too. Check outAbortion Providers in Canada to see what the situation is like where you live.
In any way, dear, now is the moment to reach out for help IRL and to act. The longer you wait, the more difficult the situation.
you have to tell your parents. They are not going to kill you. They might be a little bit upset, but if they're loving, caring responsible parents, they'll treat this with delicacy and will offer what support they can.
Being a teen mom is tough. It's a lot of sleepless nights & crying (not just your baby - you'll be crying too!)
I live in toronto - when i was checking clinics i think the figure was closer to 150 for abortions. It's been a year or so since i checked, so i might be wrong in that.
Have you -called- KHP yet? If not, it might be a good idea. They can help you out a lot.
My question is are you happy that your pregnant? I just found out that i was pregnant and i'm not very happy i'm only 14 years old and life has not even got that good yet. now i love to talk more but i have to go
Posts: 4 | From: brooklyn new york USA | Registered: Nov 2001
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