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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » Pregnant Friends

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Author Topic: Pregnant Friends
Girl, Interrupted
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Whoa!! I found out my best friend was pregnant today...

It's very obvious, she's about 4 or 5 months along...

I saw her belly today, her belly button is starting to look 'inside out' and it's hard... she has these stretch marks and lines on her stomach...

Her parents don't know (or are in denial) and she hasn't been to a doctor or anything.

I gave her a reality check, and spent my last 15 bucks on a home pregnancy test (positive, of course) and then a follow up confirmation at the local sexual health clinic...

It's 100% certain, she's pregnant.

Is it weird that I seem more concerned, weirded out and scared then she does?

Besides supporting her, is there anything I can do? We're suppose to go to some 'pregnancy fair' thing next week...

I've suspected it for awhile now, but now it seems so much more 'real'....

I'm scared for my best friend.

------------------
~Lissa


Posts: 62 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ErinK
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I think you're doing a very good job in supporting her and all of your efforts are to be applauded.

I think that you can best support her simply by doing what you're already doing -- being there for her, accompanying her to doctor visits and pregnancy fairs, and helping her to work through some of the choices that she's going to have to make regarding raising her child or giving it up for adoption. Ultimately it will be her decision, but you can do all you can to help and support her in this time in her life.

Erin


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'rin
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first off, you are a great friend. what you've already done for her is wonderful. she needs other support too, though, and definately prenatal care. she should talk to a counsulor of some sort - either a school counsulor or one at a clinic perhapse - and figure out what she's going to do from here. there are a lot of options for prenatal care that are free or low cost, so if she's going to keep the child or put it up for adoption money shouldn't be an issue in getting propper care. if she's not going to keep the child she's nearing the end of where it's easy to make that decision as late term abortions are often more difficult. you're friend is very lucky to have you to support her, but you should not have to shoulder the burden of being her entire support network. being there for your friend like you are is great - every girl should have a friend like you - but you should definately try to help her find an adult she trusts to help her through this as well.
good luck,
'rin

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"-and i hope i'm not shooting my mouth off...again...and i pray i'm not tempting the fates....."
-james, off millionaires
"dun bun can't be undone"
-steven king, insomnia


Posts: 219 | From: lost in yonkers | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Zae~Zae
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You are a great friend. My friends did the same for me when I was pregnant. It's a difficult thing and your friend needs all the help tha she can get. She DOES NEED pre natal care. talk to an adult that you trust for help. If her parents are in denial, reality is gonna hit them hard when their grandchild is born. They need to be addressed about this ASAP.
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Girl, Interrupted
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Thanks for all the compliments guys

Her first doctor's appointment was on Monday and I guess her pregnancy is farther along then the nurse at the sexual health clinic suspected...

The doctor measured her and stuff, and she got to hear the heart beat

She had an ultrasound the next day, and she saw the little baby laying on his/her tummy in there... but...

Her due date is November 20th 2001

That's 7 months pregnant (I think)...

I guess I have a problem with that. That's 7 months that she's gone without any pre-natal care, vitamins or guidence.

Plus, her parents STILL don't know. There's only 2 months left until her baby is born and she has nothing. I mean, where did she plan on putting the baby? A drawer!?

She wants to keep her baby, and I have no problem with that, but I just think that planning for the arrival of a child should have some more thought put into it.

She has no job, and her boyfriend just quit his. They're both 16, and neither of their parents know of the situation...

One of her 'bright ideas' plans was going on welfare and renting an apartment with her boyfriend and the baby. Welfare around here is only about $1000 (actually $997) a month and 2 bedroom apartments in my city go for about $800 plus heat, hydro and phone. Now, I'm really terrible in math, but isn't that less than $200 a month to spend on food, diapers and clothing for the 3 of them? It's nearly impossible, espeically when neither one of them is even looking for a place...

I really hope she can do it, I really do... but everything looks very doubtful right now...

In my opinion, she's already proved herself irresponsible by not getting/using a good (actually any) form of birth control. This is where she should be responsible though... I'm really worried about her, and I don't know what to do...

I don't want to stop giving her support and positive thoughts - but how do I bring up these important things (where the baby will stay, etc.) to her, without her getting upset or bursting her bubble?

------------------
~Lissa


Posts: 62 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aria51
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Her parents need to be told, today. Tell her you will be with her when she tells them; maybe your support will help put her at ease a little.

If she is unemployed (or even if she gets a job) she does qualify for welfare and WIC. She should also look into getting Medicare (or is it Medicaid? Anyone know?) for the baby (if she has insurance, it will not pay for the baby's hospital expenses) and for herself if she does not have any health insurance. My hospital stay of 24 hours along with the birthing room fees, the baby's shots, and everthing else came to well over $1500, but since I had insurance, I didn't have to pay a dime after it all got sorted out.

She could benefit from some counceling. Her doctor may be able to refer her to a social worker, and go from there.

Now is the time to look into birthing classes - they help more than people realize.

I can't stress enough how important it is for her to tell her parents. Waiting until after the baby is born to let them know what is happening is a horrible idea -- My friend Dee called her mother from the delivery room to inform her of her pregnancy. She had nothing - NOTHING - for the baby. No clothes, no diapers, nothing. That's an extremely hard situation to work out, a *lot* harder than working through telling her parents she was pregnant would have been.

I think now is the time for some tough love on your part. Tell her what I've said, what everyone here has said. Bring her here if you like, we are always supportive. But most of all, tell her you're telling her these things not to be mean, but because you care.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

------------------
How can you not like muffins?!

This surely was the product of a twisted mind.


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negative*nancy
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Get your friend to call Kids Help Phone, they'll be able to offer her tons of support, and will be able to suggest resources.

the number is 1-800-668-6868

It's not impossible to live off welfare, but it does take some fancy budgeting.

I'm living off my maternity leave pay right now, plus i'm doing housecleaning for my mom every other week. The baby and I are living comfortably - although things will be way more comfortable once I start working again.

Aria's right though. BOTH the parents of the girl and her boyfriend need to know - NOW.


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Girl, Interrupted
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Time for an update:

The new due date: November 9th 2001.

35 weeks pregnant I guess. She had another doctor's appointment today...

She told her parents last week, and surprisingly they don't really seem to care. They've bought her some much needed maternity clothes, but no baby furnature, clothes, supplies etc.

I guess the 3 of them haven't decided if they're going to keep the baby or give him/her up for adoption.

I think they better make up their mind, and soon!

Her boyfriend/"daddy" told his parents yesterday, but I haven't heard about their reactions yet.

I think I'm more worried than any of them. I'm posting here for my own sanity really...

Regarding a past message: She won't have to worry about health insurence/hospital fees etc. because we live in Canada, and we get free health care here. I guess that's a plus in a situation like this one.

Also, I passed along the Kids Help Phone Number.

Thank you everyone.

------------------
~Lissa


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Heather
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If you don't mind me saying so...


... Lissa, you rock. Really. All of this you're doing for your friend is really beyoind the call of duty as it were, and highly commendable. So, be sure now and then you put your worry for her aside and give yourself some strokes, too.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


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Ashleigh W
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hey, yah, i agree w/ everyone else! you are really being an awesome friend! think of it this way... im 8 mos preg...and i wish i had someone by MY side! everyones called me a lil...well..anyways...and given up on me even sean...the only real family ive got left..shes lucky the guy stayed around! keep on stickin by her! she will really appreciate it! how old are you/her anyways? just wondering!
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Girl, Interrupted
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Wow! Thanks everyone for the awesome comments!

Random Thoughts By Lissa:

Her due date is still November 9th 2001.

So far, I think her and her parents have decided to give the baby up for adoption. But I've also heard something about her keeping the baby for two weeks first, then giving it up for adoption... I would think that would be harder, but I guess it's her decision...

Kind of weird, considering she's adopted herself. I'm trying to get her out of her depression slum by erging her to give the baby her birth name if it's a girl. Other than that, I'm lost.

She's been trying to get someone to tell her the gender of her baby forever now - and it seems no doctors in our crappy medium-sized city will let her know. I guess if anyone around here wants to know, they have to go to a bigger city like Toronto. Weird...

Having a baby seems so complicated to me. I'm glad I'm not there yet.

Anyway, thanks again!

------------------
~Lissa


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Girl, Interrupted
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OMG!! Her due date was yesterday, and still no word yet!!! I'm freakin'!!!

I want to be there for my best friend... Visit, or send flowers or something...

But it's 11:17am - and I don't want to call if nothing has happened yet and she's still trying to sleep...

Question: Does anyone know if it's more likely for babies to be born before, on or after their due dates? Like, How accurate are due dates?

I know I was born right on my due date.

Hm, I'm really curious now...

I can't wait to find out the news!!!

------------------
~Lissa


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DarlingBri
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80% of babies are born within a two week time frame before or after the "due date." For first time pregnancies to term, it is very common for babies to be "late." According to Nancy Griffin (a childbirth expert), "First-time mothers can almost be counted on to deliver ten days or more after their due date."

Babies don't know or care what a calendar is... they tend to turn up when they're ready [ ]

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Hope this helps,
--Bri


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Aria51
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My labor was induced a week past my due date -- I hadn't even started anything on my own yet; no thinning of the cervix, no dialation, baby hadn't engaged... Lord knows how late he would have been if I'd waited it out.
My mother had all 4 of her babies at least a week after their due dates.

So. If she hasn't gone on her own in about a week, she'll most likely be induced. Either way, the baby will be here very soon. Congratulations to your friend, and I am so proud of you for being so supportive of her!!


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Girl, Interrupted
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Finally!!

November 22 2001. At 8:22am. My best friend gave birth to a BEAUTIFUL baby boy!

His name is Bradley William.

Weighing in at 7 lbs. 11 oz.

And 21 in. long!!

I skipped out of class today as soon as I got the call on my cell phone. I've been with her, her boyfriend and mother all afternoon.

You can tell she really wants to keep him.

I know she's keeping him for the next 8 days, but there are some adoptive parents lined up, unless she changes her mind...

It's so amazing...

------------------
~Lissa


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negative*nancy
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She picked a good day - it's my birthday!

Extend my congrats to your friend, i hope everything works out for her the way she wants it to...

take care, and don't forget to help her out a lot... watch her baby so she can have a nice long bath!


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Girl, Interrupted
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I'll watch the baby for her. I wanted to take him home with me, he's so adorable!!

Happy Birthday!

------------------
~Lissa


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Girl, Interrupted
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*Sigh*

The baby is going up for adoption.

They signed the papers today.

I guess she's met the adoptive parents and she says they're really nice.

They already have a 9 year old daughter.

So now I guess they'll have a 13 day old son.

My friend is really upset. I don't blame her. I wish I could do something for her.

*Sigh*

------------------
~Lissa


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Cherokee1696
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quote:
Originally posted by Aria51:

...if she has insurance, it will not pay for the baby's hospital expenses

I am confused! I thought that all medical insurance covered birthing expenses, and I was under the impression that the new baby immediately went on the insurance.
For example, I am 16 years old, a minor in all 50 states. I have Blue Cross/Blue Shield through my dad's work, and to supplement it I have insurance (Also BC/BS) through my job. This means that when I go to the doctor, I pay nothing, because what one insurance doesn't cover the other one will. But if I get pregnant it won't cover the costs? Please explain!


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Aria51
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Medical insurance will cover your pregnancy and all hospital costs you create in having the child; however, the newborn is considered a separate and uninsured person from the moment of birth. This is why it's a good idea to speak with your insurance company as early into the pregnancy as possible to get coverage for the newborn as soon as it's born. This is especially true in the case of minors who have medical insurance through their parents.

For example: You get pregnant. Insurance covers pregnancy testing, every prenatal visit, prenatal diagnostics, labor and delivery room charges, and recovery room charges... for you. Medical tests, circumcision, nursery stay, NICU stay, pediatric visits, and anything else involving the baby is not covered because you are now two separate people.

Make sense?


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MarinesGirl
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Keep up the good work!
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Cherokee1696
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Thanks Aria, and yes, that does make sense. One of my friends from work just gave birth, and she has insurance through work, too, so I asked her about it. Apparently, our insurance company sends out the paperwork to add the unborn child as soon as any kind of prenatal care is filed through the doc's office and sent to them for payment. I don't know how the rest of them work, but that's how Blue-Cross/Blue Shield of Alabama does it.
Thanks again!

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cupcake
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Just a humourous note to an otherwise serious topic:

I was 7 weeks early. My mom jokes that I wanted to come out, and wanted to come out, and was so excited about it..... except that I stoppped (COMPLETELY stopped) half-way through.

I figure it was too cold out in the real world


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oohlala34
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Wow, you sound like an awesome friend to be scared for her.I wish I had friends like that.
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