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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » Corporal Punishment

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Author Topic: Corporal Punishment
Dzuunmod
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So are you a fan of it? The Children's Aid Society in this nation clearly is not.

The article is about seven children who were removed from their parents care after it was discovered that the parents were disciplining them by hitting them with switches, or rods, of some sort.

Now I'm certainly not a fan of spanking or any sort of violence used to punish children (more on that in a second), but in this instance it sounds to me like the removal of the children was a bit ridiculous. Perhaps the parents could be sent to some kind of therapy or something, I think that would be more appropriate.

The reason I don't like spanking is that I think it just teaches the child that when you're out of ideas as to how to solve a problem, you use violence. That's it, for me.

What is your opinion?

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"...we're all thinking the same thing/let's not settle for satisfaction/we are women and men of action/let's stop clapping let's start doing/a dream for the teens and in-betweens and twenties yet unseen"
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Posts: 1515 | From: Montreal, Quebec, Canada | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bobolink
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I have only spanked my son twice. I still remember both incidences. I'm not sure that I did the right thing. However, I would never use a foreign object to hit a child. Remember that the parent's religion encourages parents to asault their children with weapons.

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We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.

- Albert Einstein


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Celtic Daisy
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i don't agree with any kind of violence, but i do think that the removal of the children was a little bit extreme. I agree that something different could have been done, but it's sometimes hard to tell what kind of damage is being done.

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John Doe
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The use of objects is absolutely uncalled for, however I do think that spanking can be one of the tools is the parenting toolbox. It has the advantage of being over quickly, as opposed to grounding or the taking away of privildges which tend to linger long after the child might have forgotten what he or she is being punished for. However spanking should never be done in anger. If you decide that you are going to go that route, first talk to the child about what he or she has done, then send them to their room for 10 or 15 minutes to think about it. That gives you time to settle down. In general no more than 1 or 2x the child's age with the hand on the bare butt should ever be given. After it is over, let the child cry it out on your shoulder. After that the child has paid his debt, and don't bring it up again. Spanking should be rare, and only for very serious offenses that you have clearly laid out before hand as absolutly wrong.
As for the removal of the children, it would depend on just how hard they were hitting them with the switches. If it rises to the level of physical abuse, I can't think of a better reason to remove a child from the home. Yes sometimes the CPS folks can be overly zelous, but why do we apply a lesser standard for physical abuse than we do for sexual abuse?

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Milke
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I was spanked a few times when I was quite small, and remember that my main reaction was anger; that I felt that anyone who'd strike me was someone I should hurt. I really didn't connect it with anything bad I'd done.
I don't have children of my oen, but all my experience with kids thus far suggests that talking to them is a lot more effective. At most, I've occasionally restrained a kid who wanted to hurt another one, or grabbed one who was about to fall, but I use physical force only when it's necessary to prevent greater harm. I've never known a kid who's just been attacked by a parent to be able to give any coherent reason of *why* they did something wrong, but I've found that ones who've been able to talk it through with someone patient generally don't repeat the offensive behaviour. I think small children, babies even, are a lot more intelligent than they generally get credit for.

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Heather
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I actually want to add a different perspective on this from years of being a teacher.

More times than not, it wasa the children who were spanked or otherwise "physically disciplined" that were my biggest problems in class. Why? Because in their minds, if you were really serious about something, you'd yell at them or spank them like their parents did. So, socializing those children into a setting where none of those things were going to happen, and their physical boundaries were respected, was REALLY difficult, and in my mind, presented socvial challenges to the child that would not have been there otherwise.

I'm personally totally against any physical form of punishment. While I recognize that being a teacher is not the same as being a parent, in truth, if I could manage 30 5-year--olds with gentle rules, occasional removal from the class to a quiet spot for them to cool it until they handled themselves, or simple sepration for physical attacks on another child(which again, seem to happen most often to kids punished physically), then I think it's totally possible to handle one or two without those methods.

Too, as a child who was physically punished, and later abused, my father never, ever laid a hand on me in anger on by spanking, etc., and you know, that has ALWAYS stoiod out in my mind, and as a child, I trusted and respected him far more for it I had no doubt I was safe with him. THat was not the case with any adult who laid a hand on me in that way. Really, I just think physical punishment is an intimidation tool to make clear the adult is bigger and more powerful and I find it a bit creepy, at the very least.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
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Heather
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Btw, I have always had a plan in mind for when I do have children to try and protect them from trauma should any adult even threaten to spank them or spank them.

We figure we'll make spanking part of tickle games in our house, just like B. casually tickles me or gives me a pat on the rump (or vice-versa). I figure if I set it up so that spanking is seen as playful and fun, if ever anyone tries to threaten my child with it, they'll simply say, "Whee-ha! Spanking, yay!" and freak the adult out enough that it probably just won't happen at all.

Either that or when it does, our kids'll be less likely to get freaked out by it.

On the other hand, it's scary to me that I even have to think about the fact that it's possible some reletaive, teacher or other adult could threaten to or spank my child. Ugh.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


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John Doe
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Heather you are right about the spanking games, I do that with my kids quite a bit, although then it is generally clothed. My kids do know the difference between a play spanking and a real spanking though. Strangly enough they can take much more in a play spanking (in terms of the number of swats and how hard) without crying and often comming back for more, than they can in a real spanking. I have however found real spankings to be effective (perhaps because they are rare). I have never had to spank for the same offense twice.
By the way when I respoded the first time, I had not read the article (my machine was having trouble opening it). It does not sound like this reached the level of physical abuse. by the sound of it, it seems as if the CPS workers and the police were guilty of emotional abuse.

Posts: 475 | From: ohio | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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