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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » baby naming and confusion

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Author Topic: baby naming and confusion
CherryCola
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Member # 3058

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I'm a girl of 20. Had an one night stand with a guy that I dearly adored months ago and now I am 6 month pregnant. From the beginning before we even slept, he told me he didn't plan to love and have a relationship with me, he didn't wanna get married. And yet, I still wanna give him my all, and even wanna bear the baby for him. Now I have two problems....

1) The doctor said that it's gonna be a boy and we're currently cracking our heads trying to find the right name.
Pls suggest some nice combination of first and middle names for us. The current fave of our choice is Ethan (so maybe we'll use that for the first name) and the last name is Keely.

2) Lately I suspect that the father of the child is a gay man. My mother has come to live with me to look after me during these few months and he's very kind to come over and see how I have been from time to time. He's a complete gentleman. But he has already re-stated that we're not gonna get married becos of the child. And he couldn't give the reason why. I accepted that...but I was just confused. What should I do?


Posts: 5 | From: London,UK | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lin
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Hey sweetie. Congratulations. I'm glad you are taking this pregnancy really positively and if you need any help, we've got quite a few very fabulous teen mums around. So just holler.

Anyway about names, we had quite an extensive thread on that. Maybe you could take a look at this.
http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum10/HTML/000019.html

And in regards to your second question, there could be a tonne of reasons why he doesn't want to marry you. He could just not be ready for such a committment. He doesn't necessarily have to be gay. But hon, he made his point and it doesn't look like he is going to change his mind. So I say just accept his support and if things do work out, good. But if they don't, you shouldn't be in misery over it.

Do keep us updated on your pregnancy. We adore kids.


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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I do hope you are bearing the baby and planning to rear the child for *you,* not for him, or for anyone else.

And I think it's worth a long think to make sure that that really is the case. If it isn't, considering adoption might be something you want to think about for the sake of the child.

Otherwise, it's a bit like buying a wool sweater as a gift for someone who lives in the Caribbean: it will be unappreciated and useless to them, and they'll have no interest in it.

The key difference is that a gift like this is a person, and you need to consider how what you choose will effect that person and you and make sure it's fair to the both of you.

From everything you said, as Lin pointed out, it seems like the guy has made it incredibly clear that he is not interested -- not in a relationship, a marriage or in sharing a child with you.

So, since a child needs a grownup as a parent, it's probably a good time to make a grownup decision and think about their needs and about the situation realistically. Because the reality is, the guy is out of the picture when it comes to a relationship with *you*.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein

[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 03-14-2001).]


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
CherryCola
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Adoption? You mean I should give away the child, Scarlet?

My worst time has gone, I don't have bad morning sickness like I used to. All I'm looking forward is the birth of the child. I'm not sure what life will be in the future. The guy is still taking his responsibility, he goes to the doctor with me sometimes, he is very good to share stories, old wives'tales and even advice that he heard from others about pregnancy and labour. I told him I'd like him to be there during my labour and he's so nice that he said he'd consider doing that. I always imagine how good it was if he could be my husband and then the baby and we could be staying together as a family. He could make such a good father. My mom thought this guy's my boyfriend and she thought we are getting married someday. I didn't tell her that this guy has no interest in getting married or even having a relationship with me. Well, I can't imagine how she'll react if she knows this.

I'm not 100% sure that this guy's gay. But through a reliable source, he's living with another guy. A friend told me this. He's a mutual friend of ours. So...


Posts: 5 | From: London,UK | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Whether or not he is gay is irrelevant. There are plenty of homosexual people who have families and even stright marriages.

The issue is that he made clear to you that he is not interested in a relationship or a marriage with you, and a child is not a bargaining chip to try and get someone to do something they don't want to. It is a *person.*

What I am suggesting is that you give some thought to whether you -- with or without his help, and certainly without him as a husband or boyfriend -- can spend minimally the next 18 years of your life utterly dedicated to this child's life above your own no matter what it does or doesn't do for you.

Because if you cannot, it is that child who gets cheated, and that isn't fair to do to any living being. And because an unborn child doesn't get to make choices, whenever we're pregnant, it's our responsibility as women to think in its best interests before our own.

And telling your mother the reality of this situation might well be a very good place to start.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


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Lin
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Whoa sweetie. Time to wake up and get your head out of the clouds.

Yes, you love the guy and you wish he would marry you and bring up your child together and then you could be a happy family forever. Well, unfortunately the guy has made his stand. He isn't interested in making that happen.

Miz Scarlet is right. Whether he is gay or not is irrelevant. He is being really sweet about the baby but please do not take that to mean that you might still have a chance.

Are you really ready for a baby sweetie? A baby is not a doll. A baby is a living and breathing human being. You ready to undertake all this responsibility? We are not asking you to give your child away but seriously think about whether you are able to bring your child up in the most conducive environment possible.

And hon, you are 6 mths pregnant. I think your mum should have a right to know what the father's stand on the issue of marriage is.

So please. Give it alot of thought.


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$uMMeR
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Tell your mom the truth.

She's your mom.

She loves you.

My friend Roger is gay. He's 27, in a relationship and has an eleven year old daughter called Samantha. He and Samantha's mother are good friends, and love their daughter dearly. Samantha's a great kid, and great friend of mine, who's won many awards (I think it's four, but, that's a lot in my books) for her academic achievements because she's received so much support from her parents.

Miz Scarlett is right. Wether or not he's gay is irrelevant.

But tell your mom the truth.

------------------
*Read my diary

*Read my page

*And...alwayz :)


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CherryCola
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I have become a mother when I gave
birth to a baby boy, two weeks earlier than expected,
at London Bridge Hospital on Sunday morning. The baby
boy weighed 10lbs and was named Ethan. Both the
boy and I are doing well.


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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Congratulations, dear!

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


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alaska
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Welcome to this world, Ethan! Congrats, hon!

Wishing you all the very best.

Alaska

------------------
"We must become the change we want to see."
Mahatma Gandhi


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lostcat
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Congratulations!

------------------
"i need to wash myself again to hide all the dirt and pain, 'cos i'd be scared that there's nothing underneath"- radiohead


Posts: 73 | From: chicago, il, usa | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Only In Dreams
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Member # 3661

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quote:
Originally posted by CherryCola:
I have become a mother when I gave
birth to a baby boy, two weeks earlier than expected,
at London Bridge Hospital on Sunday morning. The baby
boy weighed 10lbs and was named Ethan. Both the
boy and I are doing well.


Congratualtions to you, and Welcome to baby Ethan!!!

------------------
"Only in dreams
We see what it means
Reach out our hands
Hold on to hers
But when we wake
It's all been erased
And so it seems
Only in dreams..."
-Weezer

"Wow, someone slept in sex ed!"


Posts: 268 | From: Somewhere | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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