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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » No arousal and dryness?

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Author Topic: No arousal and dryness?
Member # 110688

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Over this past week, I've been having trouble getting aroused—with myself and my boyfriend. I used to be so easily aroused by him and by my thoughts, but lately it's been really hard to be turned on by anything physical or mental. I'm a little concerned, especially because it's been really dry down there. I know it's normal for there to be a little wetness down there just because, but I haven't even had that, and I used to get that everyday.

It's not something that my boyfriend and I have a big issue with, but we're both worried about what could be wrong here.

— Punkist

Posts: 5 | From: California | Registered: Jun 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
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Hi there Punkist,

I don't think this indicates much more than what you've already noticed, i. e. that your sex drive has gone down. There needn't be anything 'deeper' for that to be so.

You can still really care about your partner but not get horny (our bodies are always going through all sorts of chemical changes, so sex drive increasing and decreasing is a natural part of that.)

What might get in the way is an idea that there is a 'right' way to experience and share pleasure... And this can put pressure on relationships.

So I would say, at the moment the best thing to do is talk with your boyfriend. I would hope he doesn't want to be having sex if it isn't wanted and is uncomfortable for you. This might mean sex is off the table or it might mean you would want to find ways to make it comfortable and fun for you without it being about the physical side of pleasure.

What are you thinking is a better way for you?

Posts: 694 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 110688

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Thanks for the comment, I really appreciate it. My boyfriend and I had already talked about it Ian's it wasn't a problem at all for our relationship, but he expressed his worry for me and that got me to worry too. This won't change our relationship, but I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens to my body.

— Punkist

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Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 108189

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Hi Punkist,

Glad to hear that you and your boyfriend were able to talk about this, and that he's being supportive.

It's pretty normal for libidos to vary from time to time, so I'm with Jacob that there may not necessarily be something big and scary going on here. It might be helpful for you to just do a quick check of what's going on in your life right now (e.g with school, work, family, etc) and see if there's anything that's increased your stress or tiredness lately, since those things can have an effect on your libido.

As for the dryness, the level of discharge can vary for many reasons, including where you are in your cycle.

And, as Jacob hinted at, there are ways to experience intimacy and pleasure that don't involve penetration. Is that something you'd be interested in reading about?

[ 07-21-2014, 11:57 AM: Message edited by: Sam W ]

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