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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Nervousness Causes Loss of Erection

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Author Topic: Nervousness Causes Loss of Erection
rhodybro96
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Member # 110832

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I am 17 years old and my 18th birthday is this Thursday, the 17th. I have been dating my girlfriend for about 2 months now and everything is great. When we are making out I will easily get an erection, but when she goes down to give me head I immediately lose my hard on.

A few months ago I had a girl come over after school and we hooked up and then she began to give me a blowjob and I was so nervous that I didn't achieve an erection at any point and ever since then I remember that when I am about to get a blowjob.

My girlfriend has hinted that on my coming birthday that we will have sex for the first time and I am a virgin, she is not. I want this night to go perfectly because I really want to have sex and don't want to lose my erection once again!

I know it's not a physical problem because I can easily achieve an erection during masturbation. So I figure that it is pure nerves but now all I ever focus on when i'm fooling around with her is getting and sustaining an erection.

What can I do to ignore these thoughts and focus on enjoying myself and pleasing her?

Posts: 2 | From: New Jersey | Registered: Jul 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Welcome to Scarleteen, rhodybro!

My first suggestion would be that you talk to your partner about how nervous you are feeling. Having open communication, and being honest with each other - including about your fears - should help you feel a bit more comfortable.

If you find that certain activities make you feel more nervous than others, maybe you can communicate to her when you're starting to feel nervous and presured, so you can switch to another activity then. Maybe that way you'll eventually come to see that it's not such a big deal to lose an erection, and that there are plenty of fun things to do that do not involve or require an erection.

Another thing to keep in mind: it is very unlikely that first time intercourse will be 'perfect'. That is just not how sex works, or how human bodies work. So if you go in with that kind of mindest, you're likely setting unrealistic expectations. And if you're already nervous, that won't help. So, you might find it helpful to focus less on making things 'perfect' or on whether or not you have an erection, and more on having fun, being close, and discovering new things together.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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rhodybro96
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Okay thank you, I appreciate your advice! Hopefully I will be able to focus on the important things like having fun and other things you said and not an erection.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I would also advise against what I call deadline sex when you are already feeling nervous and anxious: in other words, a given event or date where sex is scheduled.

Because that setup usually results in people feeling more anxious, not less, especially as the clock ticks towards that date or event. Better to just be prepared for the things every needs at any time, and then be a bit more spontaneous, only moving forward at whatever time, on whatever day, just feels right at that time.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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