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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » a few questions

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Author Topic: a few questions
Lemia
Neophyte
Member # 110566

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Right before your period arrives could you be so bloated that it made you look kind of pregnant? I have gained at leat two pounds but I really don't think that would make me look pregnant
_. I know for a fact I'm not pregnant because what happened to me caused no pregnancy risk. I have been taking laxatives so it doesnt make sense how I would be gaining weight.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Lemia: you have been reporting a lot of different health concerns here, including a lot of questions we simply can't answer for you as an online service. Have you been bringing all of these concerns to an in-person healthcare provider?

Same goes with laxative use: if that's not something a healthcare provider has advised, you will want to talk to them about that, particularly since laxatives should only be used in very, very limited doses and situations, as they can really mess with your health (including making it so you retain more water, AKA, bloating).

I'm also a bit concerned with some of your other questions about your abuse/assault, particularly since I've not gotten an answer from you about connecting with that rape crisis service, or any other source of support. When we've been through a trauma, our physical health, not just our mental health, can really suffer, so it may well be some of the physical issues you are having have a lot to do with your emotional well-being.

Some people, however, indeed, experience a great deal of bloating before or with periods.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Lemia
Neophyte
Member # 110566

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I have and they all say its normal. Ive taken a laxative not to lose weight but because I had to go to the restroom but couldn't and it didn't help until I drank prune juice but I'm still experiencing bloating and it honestly upsets me because I can't fit in my clothes. But when I do schedule an appointment with my doctor I'll just explain my concerns. I will contact the rape crisis center I've just procrastinated to do so.. Although that experience has been the only thing I think about constantly and I should do some things I enjoy doing to keep my mind of it. After that experience I felt so used because I'll admit I did have a little tiny crush on the guy but just because I had feelings for the guy doesn't mean he had to pressure me into trying to do things with him and for him to just avoid me completely after he didn't get what he wanted makes me feel like I was nothing and I've always felt that way because ever guy I've liked always tried to use me and if they didn't get a nude picture or didn't get to do something sexual with me they just start telling me "your so annoying leave me alone". I remember at some point a guy came up to me and asked me out as a joke but I didn't know it was and some girl told me "wow you're so stupid no guy would ever date you because you walk weird." I walk weird because I have cerebral palsy and when I was younger I was made fun of for it and I remember wanting to kill myself because I was tired of it.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Do you feel like the healthcare providers you see are people you can trust, and feel comfortable asking more questions of when you have them? If so, there really is no need to check in with us when you have seen someone qualified in person, since they have more information to work with when they say what they do. They can examine you, review your health history, run tests: we can't do any of that.

By all means, you're not the first person to struggle with feelings about the person who assaulted you. More often than not, sexual assault happens with people we know, and often with people we may have been in romantic relationships with or had those feelings about. So, for sure, it can all be very emotionally confusing.

I really think connecting with that center can help you out a whole lot with some of this. They also will often have the local resources to help you find other kinds of help and support you need. For instance, it sounds like one thing that might be of benefit to you is some kind of support around living with disability, and there may even be good peer groups in your area for that so you don't have to feel so alone.

Is there anything you feel you need we can help you with to make you feel more able to make that call?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Lemia
Neophyte
Member # 110566

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This may sound ridiculous but I feel as though if I talk about my concerns with my doctor they may laugh or just tell me "oh its nothing" and I end up wasting time but I guess its always better to be safe than sorry. Am I stupid for having feelings for somebody who has sexually assaulted me? Because I feel like I am. I'm learning to accept that I was born with cerebral palsy and I will have it for the rest of my life which I'm okay with because I'm very fortunate to walk just a bit differently. I will make the call but do I just explain everything I've said here or what? I just don't want to be told that I need to report which what I understand is something that I should do I'm just afraid of my mom knowing because she'll tell me "I told you this would happen if you open the door." This type of thing happened to my mom when she was young as well.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I don't think that feeling scared in that way is ridiculous at all, especially given how so much of our world treats sexual abuse and assault. It's perfectly understandable to feel scared about disclosing to others, even safe others.

But people who run rape crisis centers like that -- who are pretty much the same kind of people you've encountered in talking to staff here -- don't think sexual abuse or assault are "nothing," and they absolutely, positively, will not laugh when someone is asking for help who has been abused or assaulted.

Rape crisis centers also respect people's rights to choose to report or not. They can help you make that decision if you like, but they are supportive whatever a person chooses.

When you contact them, you can just start by saying we referred you to them, and you are looking for help and support after an assault. They can take it from there with you. [Smile]

It's not stupid to have the feelings you do: alas, someone doing us harm often doesn't magically just shut down or change how we feel about them. Those changes usually take time, and also help healing: it's tough without help and support to really recognize, and make emotional sense of, abuse and assault, and for our hearts to basically catch up to our brains sometimes in recognizing that someone is harmful for us.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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By the way, I hope you really are clear that this is NOT your fault.

If your mother ever really did say anything like that to you, or think that way, she would be wrong (and if she, too, was assaulted and thinks that way, likely reflects she still has her own healing to do). Opening a door, having feelings for someone, even inviting someone to be sexual with us: none of these things are what make assault happen.

Assault happens because someone sees an opportunity to do someone harm, wants to do harm, and chooses to do it. The fault in assault lies with who does the assaulting, not with who is assaulted, just like when someone gets mugged, it is not their doing or fault because they had money in their pocket for someone to take and left the house with it. It is the fault of the person who decided and chose to mug them: same goes here, okay?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Lemia
Neophyte
Member # 110566

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This site is amazing. You all are so helpful and it's nice to be able to get good reliable answers which I appreciate [Smile]

I will contact that rape crisis center and hopefully they are as friendly as all the staff here.

I don't know how else to say this but I was fine for a while because he blocked and I didn't see anything from him or about him but last night I was on Facebook and I saw a picture of him which upset me for some reason. I don't know I just feel like he isn't supposed to be living his life freely knowing he assaulted a girl. I'm pretty sure if a normal person pressured someone into doing something they weren't comfortable doing you would feel bad. Does he even think what he did to me was okay?

This is off topic but are there ways to relive really painful period cramps? I've taken midol which helps a little but at the same time I feel like throwing up which is why I don't really eat the first few says of my period.

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Lemia
Neophyte
Member # 110566

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This site is amazing. You all are so helpful and it's nice to be able to get good reliable answers which I appreciate [Smile]

I will contact that rape crisis center and hopefully they are as friendly as all the staff here.

I don't know how else to say this but I was fine for a while because he blocked and I didn't see anything from him or about him but last night I was on Facebook and I saw a picture of him which upset me for some reason. I don't know I just feel like he isn't supposed to be living his life freely knowing he assaulted a girl. I'm pretty sure if a normal person pressured someone into doing something they weren't comfortable doing you would feel bad. Does he even think what he did to me was okay?

This is off topic but are there ways to relive really painful period cramps? I've taken midol which helps a little but at the same time I feel like throwing up which is why I don't really eat the first few days of my period.

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Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 108189

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Hi Lemia,

Thanks for the kind words [Smile]

I think feeling anger and frustration at the person who assaulted you is totally normal. There's no way for you to know what he's feeling and, ultimately, it matters less than how you feel. But I understand wanting to know that someone who hurt you feels like crap for doing so. But keeping him blocked like you've been doing sounds like you've been doing is still a sound move. You can also talk with the folks at the rape crisis center about those feelings (they might have some more suggestions about how to approach them).

To you other question, if you check out this article, there's a section called "the rag, when it's a drag" that has some tips for dealing with period symptoms:
On the Rag: A Guide to Menstruation

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