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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » I'm not sure if my hands were clean enough..

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Author Topic: I'm not sure if my hands were clean enough..
Aly.O
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I'm probably gunna sound so dumb and paranoid but please just bear with me :/

My boyfriend came a little while we were dry humping (I had on yoga pants, him jeans.) I touched the front of his jeans and felt they were moist. I was kinda freaked out, so I ran to wash my hands even though they weren't wet from touching him. He left like 20 minutes later, so I went to go check on my period because I had a light cycle when it happened and it was my third day. I touched myself, and now I'm terrified I could be pregnant. I know I washed my hands but I'm not sure if the soap cleaned everywhere, or if I used the right temperature water to wash, etc. Like I said, my hand didn't even feel like it had semen on it, just touching the front of his jeans was slightly moist. I'm almost positive there was no residue. I washed them just to be safe.

(It's almost like a scenario with someone being scared before their boyfriend fingers them because they know he washed his hands, but are still worried it's not enough to get that small chance of sperm off- if there was any to begin with.)

Also, I'm not so sure how to tell him that I was kinda uncomfortable with him ejaculating. I'm not upset or anything. I know it can't be helped, and I sorta caused it, but I'm just confused. Thanks. [Smile]

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Redskies
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Hi aly, and welcome to the boards.

You can find out the risks - or non-risks - here: Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass On an STI From That? and detailed explanations of the whys here: Human Reproduction: A Seafarer's Guide. If you have questions about any of that, you're welcome to ask.

How do you usually bring up things you'd like to talk about with your boyfriend, and how does that usually go?

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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Aly.O
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thanks so much. I've seen those once or twice, but I'd really just like a straight out answer so my anxiety can just chill out: could I be pregnant or not?
(Also keep in mind when it happened I was on my period, meaning it was highly unlikely I was ovulating at the time)

Well that's the thing, my school never really taught sex ed. I literally just learned what manuel sex was (not that I've had it or anything.) I'm quite awkward if a topic like that comes up though with him. I feel like a clueless seven year old.

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Redskies
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Our material is clear that pregnancy isn't possible when someone has clothes on, and isn't possible via transfer on hands or anything else.

If you didn't really have sex ed, you're not sure how to talk about it and you've been worried about pregnancy, do you think this might've been more or faster than you felt ready for? If we don't feel comfortable talking about something sexual with someone, we rarely feel comfortable about doing it with them.

Is there anything in particular you'd like filling in on about sex ed? We have masses of information and we'd be happy to point you in the right direction [Smile]

Per talking to your boyfriend, we have a piece on talking about sex with a partner: Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner. Maybe you'd like to have a read of that and then discuss any thoughts you have about it?

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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Aly.O
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Oh gosh what a relief [Smile] thank you redskies!

I went to a catholic school and all we talked about was our bodies being temples of the Holy Spirit, and that's great and alll, but I was in the dark for awhile.
And it's not that we moved too fast, it's been half a year. The reason I'm so awkward is because I just don't want to sound like a dummy. I know he'd never judge about that, but i want to be able to have this kind of knowledge for myself.
Ah that article is perfect, I'll try those methods [Smile]
I don't really have anymore questions, but I'll be sure to look through the articles here if I do. I guess I'm just always so terrified I'm pregnant, when I know my circumstances could never make such a thing happen.

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Redskies
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Feeling ready isn't just about time, it's about having enough information about how to protect ourselves from STIs and pregnancy, having and knowing how to use those barriers and contraception, feeling safe and secure with the other person, knowing what our own personal ethics are for our sexual behaviour, really desiring that kind of sex with that person, and feeling comfortable and confident about any difference between the sexual ethics, culture and expectations around us and our own choices. Some people don't feel ready for a long time because of any combination of those things, and that's absolutely fine.

Do you have a sense of why you're terrified about pregnancy?

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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Aly.O
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That's true. I feel so safe with him. I really do love him. I'd like to wait a long while before we have sex. I voiced this to him, and he's completely okay with that. (We've only been with each other, so STIs are out of the question, haha.)

Maybe it;s because I'd be disappointing my family, my high school would have so much to say, and that I'd be upset with myself if it'd ever happen. You know what I mean? I'm not even close to being ready for motherhood.

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Redskies
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I hear you saying that you very much do not want to become pregnant; that's a perfectly reasonable way to feel. If you're not doing anything that can possibly result in pregnancy, though, there isn't a need to feel worried about it [Smile] It's sounding as if you've received some strong messages against pregnancy from your family and school. Sometimes that can lead to people overly focusing on it and worrying about it when they don't need to. Do you think that's happening with you? What messages have you got from your family and school about any kind of sexual behaviour - do their ethics and expectations differ from your own?

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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Aly.O
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This is true, the only thing my boyfriend and I do is dry hump, nothing else. So it's not even in the question. (I was only terrified because he ejaculated but now I understand nothing can come from that.) I'm just paranoid. And actually, there's some pregnancies where I'm from. I just don't fit the stereotype for someone who even has a boyfriend (Stereotype's aren't fair. I haaate them but it's the way my school runs :/) It's definitely happening with me though, worrying too much that is. My school would silently shun me, and my family would probably be disappointed, not as disappointed as I'd be in myself though.
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Karybu
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Not having sound information and dealing with others' expectations is definitely a recipe for anxiety, so I'm not surprised that you're worried. Do you have any strategies for coping with stress or anxiety? If not, this is a good place to start: Self-Care a La Carte

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Aly.O
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Wow that's so helpful, thanks!! I suppose I let go of stress right when I get my period; it's like this big whoosh of relief runs through me [Razz]
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