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Author Topic: Thinking about my sexual future...
justinbieberfan
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[This may be in the wrong section... correct me if it is...]

Now that the new year has arrived, I am going to consider what my future holds in terms of sexuality and relationships.

- I am mainly worried about my family's, especially my parents' reactions to me having ANY intimate, let alone sexual, relationship with anyone. Like I said before, my family is HEAVILY involved in my social life. They want me to start dating a friend of mine, Lacey, starting from the homecoming dance next school year. I also feel like they want me to basically devote every ounce of my being to her, and it sucked... [Frown] It feels as though my social/dating life is being restricted as well as my sexuality and sex life!

- Whenever me and my future girlfriend have sexual relations, protection would be a necessity. I DO have a condom (I sneaked into their bedroom when they were away from home and got one, I know - totally immature of me, but still), but a few weeks ago I opened the packet to familiarize myself with a condom. I am now a bit concerned over its level of protection now that the condom has left the packet. I still taped the packet closed with a couple of strips of Scotch tape so the lubrication on the condom would not dry out. Would it still be effective then? I will also ask her about another method of birth control to use on top of that (ex. the pill, Nuvaring, a diaphragm, the patch, an IUD...)

- About my body image...
I do have a habit of trimming/shaving my pubic hair every so often. I am concerned that my future girlfriend would be disgusted by that habit and would refuse sex. Also, I have an infected hair follicle that I thought was a skin manifestation from an STI. So I might want to keep my underwear on for sex.
I am also built like my father (great!) but a little rounded at the belly (not so great). I also have acne on my forehead and around my hairline to add on to that. Would any girl react adversely to my appearance? [Confused]

- I am a bit scattered when it comes to STI and STI testing. Do local health departments carry STI/STD testing and treatment services? I do not want to have to go to somewhere like Clarksburg/Bridgeport, Morgantown, or Charleston just to get STI testing and birth control services. What do they do exactly when they conduct STI/STD tests on BOTH males AND females? I am not a big fan of needles or shots!

- I also have concerns towards how people in my school idealize sex and relationships in general. Some of my classmates talk about sex ALL THE TIME, but I sometimes think they are lying about it. Some more classmates believe that sex is taboo and never really talk about it. The Christians and conservatives in my school believe that sex is reserved for marriage and is therefore out if the question. The county I live in is mostly conservative (Republican), so you get the point. I am afraid that my classmates will hate me or get me into trouble if I tell them I am having sexual relations. I also think that they will try and sabotage my relationship as well if I tell them.

- If my parents, a family member, or a friend of mine catch me having sex, what should I do? My parents are okay with masturbation, but I do not think the rest of my family is okay with it...

So what do you think I am supposed to be doing at my age???

I do not want to have to give up dating or sexual relations entirely (in other words: ABSTAIN!!!)

~jbf

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~Prince of Equestria~

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Heather
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First of all, I think it's going to be way more helpful to talk about actuals than hypotheticals.

Since the last time we talked about this, have you yet met anyone you have an interest in dating and who shares that interest?

One big reason I ask that is that we all really do have to choose our battles. Also because the thing about hypothetical girlfriends is...well, that they aren't real people. Real people and how you feel about them have a dizzying array of variables, so what you might want and they might want and how your family will or will not react to them? We can't possibly guess at that.

So, how about we limit talk of your sex life and your family to things that are actual or very, very close on the horizon, not maybe-in-the-futures?

Per STI testing, have you yet engaged in any sexual contact with anyone else? If you haven't, that's not something you need to think about for yourself for a while, still. But if you want to know what it involves, we have links a'plenty here at the main site we can direct you to.

Again, with the friends at school, can we perhaps focus on the now, not on how they might react to something you might tell them about something that might happen in the future?

Same goes with the being caught having sex.

Do you get where I'm going with this? And also how worrying a ton about a LOT of hypotheticals tends to make people feel stressed and anxious for no good reason, something that really doesn't benefit anyone, including you?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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justinbieberfan
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I have yet to meet someone who has an interest towards me... still searching! [Smile]

But I still have a question about the condom I took out of the wrapper, played around with, and put it back in the wrapper and taped closed. Is its effectiveness compromised?

And about my question on local health departments and STI testing and items?

[ 01-02-2012, 08:30 PM: Message edited by: justinbieberfan ]

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~Prince of Equestria~

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Karybu
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That condom would not be safe to use. If the packaging has been compromised, then you need to assume that the condom is no longer going to be effective.

Per STI testing, the details of what that involves are here: Testing, Testing.... Many health departments do offer STI testing, but whether yours does is something you'd need to ask them specifically.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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NoName
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I can answer the condom question for you and I am pretty positive Heather will agree, I would throw the condom away. The effectiveness is likely compromised, so why take the chance? You know how it is always advised not to keep condoms in your car or wallet? I am pretty sure this would fall under that category as you are putting some wear and tear on it long before you use it for protection. If you don't want to waste it, I suppose it would be fine to use for practice but really, I would just ditch it because it likely has germs on it from handling it and you don't want to be putting it on your's or on anyone else's genitalia. Heather or another volunteer will have to answer your other question about the STI testing though [Smile]
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justinbieberfan
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I just took NoName's advice and simply used it for practice, since the package has already been torn open.

Now I do not have a condom (or condoms) to use anymore, where can I get them and not having my parents know?

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~Prince of Equestria~

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September
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You can get condoms at any drugstore, grocery store, pharmacy or gas station. You do not need to be a certain age to buy them, so you can go to any store by yourself to get condoms.

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-joey
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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justinbieberfan
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So I can simply walk down to the Speedway down the street and get a pack of condoms?

However, I am afraid that my parents will not approve of my buying condoms. If that is the case, I might simply not have any type of sex which can result in a baby.

[ 01-03-2012, 05:43 PM: Message edited by: justinbieberfan ]

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~Prince of Equestria~

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Karybu
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Absolutely.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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justinbieberfan
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My parents will be mad at me if I tell them I have been buying condoms/attempting to attract girls - especially at my age.

They think I am TOO YOUNG to be dating, let alone have sex. [Frown]

So if I have sex and do not have a condom with me, I will just refuse to have any kind of sex which can result in a baby (like intercourse).

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~Prince of Equestria~

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Karybu
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Again, it's not sound to worry about hypothetical situations here - you aren't dating anyone right now, so worrying about what kinds of sex you may or may not have with someone who is at this point essentially not real is just not going to be productive or helpful. Agreed?

We can absolutely talk about you buying condoms though, and maybe one place to start when you're thinking about your parents' reaction is to think about why you feel it's necessary to tell them?

(If you like, we can also have a bit of a conversation around what it is about all these hypothetical situations that worry you so much.)

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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justinbieberfan
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My mom does NOT want me to have a free dating life.

She only wants me dating Lacey, and that is about IT. Cannot date anyone else...

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~Prince of Equestria~

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Heather
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Has your mother been clear about why she wants you to date this specific person and only this specific person?

I think if we knew a little more about that, we could probably help you in creating a productive conversation with her around this.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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justinbieberfan
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Because my mom and I knew her for years and that gave my mom the idea about me taking her on dates.

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~Prince of Equestria~

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Robin Lee
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How would it feel, do you think, to tell your Mom that you're not intrested in taking Lacey on dates? That you just want to be friends with Lacey?

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Robin

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justinbieberfan
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I have been considering talking to her about my dating/social life, but it just fizzles out whenever I go to thinking about what to expect. What should I do?

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~Prince of Equestria~

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Heather
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I think what Robin suggested is sound: have you yet discussed this with your Mom? Or maybe even asked why she's so attached to the idea of you dating Lacey, specifically? Like, what if she knew someone else as well as she knew Lacey, and this was also someone you actually had interest in dating: how would she feel about that, and if "Lacey only" was still the answer, why?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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justinbieberfan
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I just talked to my Mom and she said that we were simply friends. Just FYI she had a stroke when she was in the hospital for open-heart surgery that slow-tracked her development a small bit, so she is a bit childlike. I am sure it will be okay if I take her to homecoming AS A FRIEND... would it?

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~Prince of Equestria~

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Heather
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Is that something you want to do? If so, we can always be clear with others about things that might be mistaken for dates when we don't want them to be. For instance, you can ask her and say that you'd like to go as friends if she wants.

With your Mom and what she said about this, do you think then it's possible she might be suggesting that she feels best about you and dating when and if you choose to date someone who you already know well and have already created a friendship with?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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