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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Blow Jobs make me feel bad..

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Author Topic: Blow Jobs make me feel bad..
ermilyy
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Member # 55705

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i've been having sex with my boyfriend for a few months now and we both enjoy it, but the other day we were talking, and as a joke i said 'we should just do blow jobs and hand jobs when it's the time of the month.' now, i was joking, cause we had talked about blow jobs and 'being licked out' and i thought we had come to the conclusion that because we both kiss each other with them mouths, we didn't want that sort of stuff in there. but after i said that, we were having sex and he asked if i wanted to try. he is the first person i had sex with so this was all new to me, but he had more experience, and i am always scared i will disappoint him. so i said i'd try, so first i gave him a hand job (i really don't like calling it that) and it felt different from sex for obvious reasons, but there wasn't really like, a connection. to me, sex is about love and being together, and this just wasn't doing that. i kept kissing him throughout and occasionally just stopped and hoped he'd get the hint and go back to sex, because 1) i didn't really like doing it, and 2) i was sure i was doing it badly, but then he asked if i wanted to try a blow job... i know boys like these, and even tho we talked about it and he had very recently said he didn't want us to do things like that, but i knew he wanted me to. i asked him if he'd like me to and he said yes, and i really really just want him to be happy, so i said yes. i had no idea what i was doing and he vaguely told me what to do. again i was terrified of doing it wrong, so i did exactly what he said and hoped for the best. i really didn't like it, it felt so degrading and i felt like we were worlds apart, like usually we're face to face in sex. it made me gag slightly but he didn't notice, but cause of this my eyes started watering and i just felt to bad about myself, kinda ashamed, but he didn't ask me to stop so i assumed he liked it and carried on. it felt like forever and was seriously considering just asking to stop, but i feel like i have so much to live up to, because he's done all this before, and probably done better. he then asked if i wanted to be licked out, and even if his opinion on that stuff had changed, mine hadn't, and if he got as little out of it as i did giving him head then i wouldn't want him to do it. afterwards, i kinda of jokingly said sorry for being bad at them, hoping he'd reassure me, but he just said, 'practise makes perfect' now i'm scared of having to do it again. i want to make him happy, but i feel so unloved when i'm doing it, like that's all i'm there for. what should i do next time he asks for it? [Frown]
Posts: 2 | From: England | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JenBug24
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Maybe it's worth telling your boyfriend what you said here? Because sex is a two way thing and should be something that you should both enjoy. You could also check out Scarleteen's page about consent. (not sure how to add the link here).

[ 02-13-2011, 04:28 AM: Message edited by: JenBug24 ]

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Posts: 45 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ermilyy
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i'm just worried he won't understand:/
Posts: 2 | From: England | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JenBug24
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I suppose that there is always that risk. But then again he might understand. It could just be that he has no idea what you really feel about it, so by outright telling him it makes it all clearer and opens it all up to be talked about more openly. It isn't assured, but it might be a possible outcome. What are your instincts/ heart telling you?

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Posts: 45 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Ermilyy, have you seen this article?
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner

It might help you and your partner in getting started with talking about this. Because I do think that there's lots of room for conversation here. You absolutely do not need to engage in a sexual activity that you don't enjoy or even feel actively uncomfortable with. And that's regardless of what he may or may not have done with a previous partner: you are under absolutely no obligation to do or like the same things his ex-girlfriend did or liked. You are a completely different person, and so the sex he's having with you is completely different and separate from the sex he had with his previous partner. You have absolutely nothing to live up to here - this is about you and your partner, and no one else.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
guitargirl
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I would tell him how you feel. If he loves you he'll understand won't he? I doubt he wants you to feel degraded. He's never going to know unless you tell him.
Posts: 2 | From: jdfklfjd | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ketrel
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I would like to point out something I noticed while reading. You said you agreed that you two would do that sort of thing. However you also said you were pretty sure that he did want to do that though.

However, the fact that he didn't ask for that, and only accepted when offered, makes me thing he'll be very receptive when you tell him how it makes you feel.

Posts: 123 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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