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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Insecurity

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Author Topic: Insecurity
Idontknowrightnow
Neophyte
Member # 50794

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I have been in relationship with this guy for almost six months. At first I was hesitant because I know myself, but he still wanted to be with me. So I was like...what the hay... why not? It was all very casual. But then I started to notice that I was really developing some real feelings for him. He's sensitive and wants me to do whats best for me, he makes me laugh, he honestly tries. He told me that he loved me, and I didn't say it back at first, but he still stuck around. He doesn't force me to do anything I don't want to do when it comes to our physical relationship. This is the first relationship I've ever been in, really...ever. I feel really luck...but here comes the big fat BUT I'm really insecure, not about how I look, but my personality. I always feel like I bore him, and sometimes I'm too serious. So of course If I feel this way, I'm going to constantly question whether or not he wants to be with me. And when I do, he gets a little frustrated, and I can understand why. Because loving someone who constantly questions whether you really love them or not just sucks. I know he's not perfect, and I'm not putting the blame all on myself, but I find myself incredibly annoying. I over think everything. And sometimes, I wish he would just find more ways to make me feel secure. Which is impossible, I know. But I don't know what I should do. Let me also mention...that this insecurity that hangs around has led me to break up with him twice. He still took me back, but I think because of it, he's toughened up a bit, because he says he doesn't want to be hurt again. It's all just one big mess of emotional insecurities on both sides. If you actually took the time to read all of this, then some advice would really be appreciated.
Posts: 4 | From: N/A | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Controversy
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Member # 50053

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Hi idontknowrightnow,

I just thought me saying some input to your situation would help a bit [Smile]

I had the same issue as you about 6 months ago, i thought i was sooo boring, annoying, and too serious. Until i met this guy (my current boyfriend) he sounds just like your boyfriend, very sensitive, caring, and loving. I was so insecure about myself that i asked him constantly if i annoyed him etc. It took me 5 months to finally understand that he loves me for who i am, and if he didnt love me, he wouldnt have stayed in the relationship this long.

You said that you both broke up two times because of your insecurity, and that he took you back. From what i read it really seems like he wants the best for you, and he is trying his hardest to stay with you. If he made the effort to become your boyfriend two times after two break ups, he loves you. He doesn't think you're boring or too serious. He loves your personality, thats why he went into this relationship in the first place! [Smile]

My boyfriend always says im too good for him, but i honestly think im the most boring girl on the face of the planet. When someone loves you, they love who you are, even when you don't see what they see. I never understood him, but i trust him, and i trust it now that when he says im amazing and that he loves me, that its the truth.

Your boyfriend seems like an honest person who cares and loves you. Trust me you ARE lucky that you found such a wonderful guy, especially as your first boyfriend. (i wasnt so lucky lol)

So keep in mind that you probably arent boring at all, its just that you keep thinking about it and worrying. The reason i thougt my personality was so horrible is because of my family/friends telling me how boring they thought i was. But in reality, its just their opinions. But i took their opinions too heart, and closed myself off from having a boyfriend when i shouldnt have.

So please try and think of yourself in a better way! i bet you're the sweetest and most energetic person, just let go of your insecurities [Smile] your boyfriend already loves who you are. You don't need to change.

Sorry for typing so much... this may have been too much of a long reply lol forgive me, i hope i helped a bit [Smile]

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JustCurious46
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Member # 50716

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I am insecure to but I juet keep telling my self that he choose me for me he could have any other girl but he choose you and just htink about that made me feel honestly better, specially considering he took you back both times means he really wants to be with you and wants to try. Also telling him everything and tell him you just want to understand why he choose you and thats all you need to know to make you feel more secure. Tell him the reasons you feel insecure to it will help trmendously.

--I hope i helped. (=

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Idontknowrightnow
Neophyte
Member # 50794

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haha yeah both of you guys made me feel a ton better. He tells me that all the time...If I don't want to be with you then why do i stick around so long?..and then I just stop. because he's right. Im going to try and not let it get the best of me. Thank you guys again. :]
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naplement
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I can resonate with this so much.

it seems like you've problems with your self-esteem, and a psychologist could help you tons. The one I'm seeing seems very certain that everybody should feel that they are worthy of love, and if they don't, then it's a real problem (and asking for help is not shameful/the expectation that "it should go away by itself/ love should resolve it, and if it doesn't, it's my fault" is just not realist at all).

They also say that loving ourselves is something we have to learn, ideally when we're small children, but it's never too late to start. [Smile]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You might also want to make sure that this is really the right time of life for both of you to be in an intimate relationship.

Getting very close to someone else often asks a lot of us when it comes to being secure in ourselves, assertive and confident. So does even being able to earnestly enjoy those kinds of relationships, and to have them be healthy for everyone.

During times in your lives when we know one or all of those things are problems for us (or partners), it can often be a pretty bad idea to enter into serious/intimate relationships, because what we often need to do is first do more work for ourselves, on ourselves, on our own.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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heero222
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Member # 27731

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One of the great ironies of human existence is that we hardly ever see ourselves clearly we either are far more critical with how we view ourselves compared to others or far less critical but very rarely do we judge ourselves appropriately.
Here is my advice: Stop thinking about whether you are good enough for him or not. Did you ever think he might be thinking along the exact same lines wondering why you would be willing to be with him? The bonds we create with others are not based on rationality if they were they would not be true bonds. He is likely just as irreversibly altered by his bond with you as you are. Also it's kind of a backhanded compliment telling him he deserves better also implies his judgment on who he should care about is faulty. Even if you are right, you should enjoy life with him while it lasts so you will have fond memories to look back on instead of regrets over lost opportunities.

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