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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Issues with orgasm

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Author Topic: Issues with orgasm
Ketrel
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This is kind of embarrassing, but I feel like I should ask SOMEONE.

Let me start by saying I'm male and I'm a virgin, and I am NOT circumsized. This has happened twice so far. I was with my girlfriend and first occasion was with fingers, and second occasion was oral. I was able to get her off, but no matter what happened she wasn't able to do the same to me. I'm not having any erectile difficulty, I'm just not finishing. What she's doing feels good, but it's just not bringing me to that point. First time I lied and said I was close and had stopped her out of nervousness, but the second time, it was painfully obvious that it just wasn't going to happen. At that point she told me to see if I could finish myself. I was able to fine.

I'm not sure why this is happening. I want her to be able to, but so far she hasn't been. She's tried hands and oral. I'm erect the whole time, and what she's doing feels fine, but I'm just not finishing.

Does anyone have any idea what the issue could be?

[ 10-02-2010, 06:53 AM: Message edited by: Ketrel ]

Posts: 123 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Natalie H
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When we pleasure ourselves it's easier to get off, because we're the ones in control. We know just when to do this, not to do that, etc. When we bring someone else into the picture, they don't know exactly what reactions the thing they're doing brings to your body. And not only that, but when we let other people do sexual things to us for the first time, it's a whole new feeling and can be a little strange. You're not used to new hands on your body.

As far as the issue goes, don't worry about it, because not orgasming doesn't HAVE to be an issue. Sex isn't necessarily about the orgasm, it's about pleasure. It sounds like you still were having a good time, yes? Well that's the point. We don't have sex, with ourselves or with others, just to get to the end of it, you have to enjoy the ride.

I believe that once your body gets more comfortable with a new person you'll be able to orgasm. Just give it time, and don't stress it. Don't worry if it does or doesn't happen. If you're distracted by hoping, trying, praying that you'll orgasm then you most likely wont. Just enjoy it and let it come on it's own.

[ 10-02-2010, 07:27 AM: Message edited by: Natalie H ]

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Bicycle? I prefer a homocycle.

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Ketrel
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It sucks because she looked noticeably upset that she wasn't able to get me to, and I don't know how to tell her without sounding cliche that it was NOT her, it was me being unable to and that what she was doing was fine.

Plus I was ok with not having finished, if there was tension so to speak, I could take care of that later.

How then could I explain that?

[ 10-02-2010, 07:33 AM: Message edited by: Ketrel ]

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lucidkitty
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Just tell her that you love doing it with her and it has nothing to do with her at all. Tell her that it feels very good and you enjoy it very much. This is very normal too with guys and girls, esp if you are not used to sex stuff...the menatal block will vanish in time don't worry.
Posts: 84 | From: baltimore,maryland | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
OWL Dan
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Ketrel, Take it from another guy, there is often an adjustment period when trying anything new to find out both what feels best and what will make you orgasm; being circumcised or not doesn’t change this. This is especially true when you are involving another person for the first time. There are many other reasons, even outside of the relationship, that can distract you too. Talking about this casually with her, at a time where intimacy is not ‘just around the corner’, is a good place to start. Let her know how much you are enjoying being with her, that there is a learning period sometimes and how much you are looking forward to sharing the learning experience with her. I might suggest that don’t tell her “…if there was tension so to speak, I could take care of that later.” because she might hear it as being her fault, instead let her know when you are enjoying what she is doing and suggest something else when it isn’t quite right. Reaffirm to her that what you both are going through is very normal!

[ 10-02-2010, 09:58 PM: Message edited by: OWL Dan ]

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Dan

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fireflyboy
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From my experiences, this can come down to nerves, there will be a certain degree that you are comfortable with your own body. When another person is doing this for you, you may feel slightly less comfortable because it's a new experience and so you are unsure of how things will play out. Let her know it isn't anything she has done that has caused it, it's just nerves probably, once you two are more comfortable doing things like this around one another, there wont be a problem
Posts: 39 | From: Australia | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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