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Author Topic: Self esteem problems
katey1205
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I'm a 14 yo girl and I know I have self esteem issues. I have bad skin with exzma and pimples and I went on the pill to help with the pimples but it's not working well. I'm the only person my age I know with skin like mine.

Because of this I don't have enough confidence to buy the clothes and stuff to look the way I want to and this makes me feel even worse about myself. It's like I don't have enough confidence to buy the clothes, but with out the clothes I have no confidence.

I know this is all superficial stuff but if really affects my life. I see my friends wearing jackets and shorts and skirts, but I feel like if i wear these things it'll draw attention to my skin, so I end up wearing singlets and jeans with plain cardigans.

Every weekend when Im getting ready to go out I try on shorts and nice tops and put on necklaces and makeup, but I end up changing because of the scars on my legs from exzma, and I think that people will think I'm trying too hard.

The other week I was shopping with my mum and she asked me why I didn't want to buy this pretty top that was comfortable and looked really good on me. I told her it was because I didn't have enough money, but it was really because I felt I didn't deserve to look pretty.

Does anyone know any confidence boosters?? Should I just push through the self consciousness?? Sorry bout the long post

Posts: 18 | From: Australia | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Everyone deserves to look pretty and feel comfortable in their skin. And you know what? If you feel like you look gorgeous, everyone else will perceive you in a positive light, as well. How we carry ourselves has a huge impact on how others see us. So if wearing a nice top and make up makes you feel awesome, then go for it!

And as far as the eczema and the scars from it are concerned: We all have scars, or other things we perceive as imperfections. And it's easy to feel self-conscious about things like that, especially when you're a teen and feeling awkward anyway. But that's just the thing - everyone feels this way. Seriously. And for the most part, people don't really notice the things you feel self-conscious about, because they're too busy worrying about the things they feel self-conscious about.

[ 06-18-2010, 01:56 AM: Message edited by: September ]

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Johanna
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Nightshade
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Hey, I have eczema as well.

I've had it my entire life, and as a result, have a whole lot of scars over my entire body. Everything from large purple splotches all the way up my legs to white patches along my arms. I kind of look like a multicolored leopard.

It took a long time for me to become comfortable with my body and what I saw at the time as imperfections. Like you, I wouldn't wear shorts, or other skin revealing items. I wore jeans and long sleeves all the time.

But eventually I realized that there was no reason to feel ashamed of myself. This was my skin and I was going to have it for the rest of my life. So I took little steps. I started wearing clothes that showed a bit more at home. And gradually started wearing whatever I wanted out in public.

Rarely has anyone ever commented on my scars, or even the sores when I'm having an outbreak. When they do, it's just plain curiosity.

I'm sure you've heard it before, but what other people think really doesn't matter. It's about you, and what makes you comfortable. It doesn't matter if someone thinks you are trying too hard, it's about your own happiness.

Simple scars don't need to keep us from living the lives we want, and wearing whatever we want.

Posts: 43 | From: Raleigh, NC | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
katey1205
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Thanks for the replies guys, Raleigh, I have skin like yours.

I've tryed to take action to make myself feel better by putting little notes up around the place saying things like "you're beautiful" and stuff but now its like they're reminders of how I really am not and are making feel a little worse.

I got a haircut today which hides most of my forehead and bought some oil that's supposed to get rid of scars, these are making me feel a little better but when I went to get foundation, I wanted just a light one so people could hardly notice, the lady kept pointing me toward the concealers and heavy makeup and this made me feel like crap.

I'm up into the early morning most nights just thinking over things and crying, making me sleep in late and my mum, who doesn't know that I've been up crying, calls me lazy and says all my friends will leave me if I don't gt active. I love her and she's just saying this to get me up, but even if I go to bed at 8, I'll be up until 2 thinking and crying. Even getting changed in the mornings makes me sad because of the clothes thing.

I've recently been thinking I might be depressed, I'm not sad 24/7, only when I think about myself, but we had this talk at school before the holidays about anxiety and depression and I felt I had some of the symptoms. Not severe but a little.

I know I can talk to my mum about it, but I've been diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome triggered by stress, and she's been talking about me going to see a therapist, and I don't want to be the chick that has to go to therapy. I know there isn't anything wrong with going, but it's like if I can hardly even open up to my closest friends and family, how am I supposed to open upto a complete stranger??

I've just been feeling not good lately, it's actualy 2am now, and I was kinda hoping someone could tell me things to boost my self esteem and maybe get over this self conciousness thing a bit, like the encouraging notes thing, even though that only worked for a while. Thanks

Posts: 18 | From: Australia | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Katey, it does sound like you might benefit from counseling. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting some help when you're having a tough time. And your mother is right: irritable bowel syndrome is triggered by stress, so it's doubly important that you take extra good care of yourself.

So, I think it would be a great idea for you to take her up on her offer and look into getting some counseling. And don't worry about not being able to open up: counselors know how daunting of a situation being in therapy can be, and they will be able to help you feel more comfortable and start talking.

In the meantime, if you're feeling down and can't sleep, can you maybe try to distract yourself by doing something that makes you feel better? Like reading a favourite book, listening to some music you like, or maybe just getting out a notebook and writing down your feelings?

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
katey1205
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Wow, thanks for replying really quickly! I have a notebook for writing and one for drawing right next to my bed and they help get my feelings out, I don't read befor going to sleep because once I start a book I have to finish it basically in the same session, and I'm listening and writing this using my iPod. I've tryed counting sheep, but gave up at 53, and I've had a warm glass of milk. I've tryed like everything haha.

I'm going to talk to my mum in the morning, but I would really rather not going to a therapist unless absolutely nessessary. Thanks for your understanding, I might write again in a few days or weeks or something, this site is really good and it's nice to be able to talk without feeling judged, but thanks for all your help (:

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wobbuffet4
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I know it's hard to get over self esteem issues with you body. I have scoliosis so my back is really messed up. I pretty much have to wear T-shirts all the time because any pretty shirts reveal my back or are too tight on my back and people have made comments about how weird my back is. I was happy though because at least I could wear what I wanted to on bottom. Now all of a sudden I've gained a little weight between my stomach and my thighs so none of my pants fit. I absolutly hate it and I hate my body too so I guess I'm looking for similar advice.
Posts: 62 | From: North Carolina | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
GHP
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Everyone has self-esteem issues especially when you are a teenager and your body is going through hormonal changes. One trick to not dwell on it is to stay busy. If you are sitting around feeling sorry for yourself you have too much time on your hands. Getting involved in some kind of physical activity can get your blood flowing, which will help keep your mind off stagnate thoughts and it will also help with your sleeping problems. Exercise videos are great if you want privacy;I do those and I run which I find helps clear my head and helps me to sleep. Exercise also helps your body function better.
Talking to a therapist is a great idea! Talking to a stranger who is a professional can be a great way to talk about whats bothering you without being judged. She or he probably has many ideas for self confidence boosters.
As far as the eczema goes I have that as well. My doctor recommended that I drink plenty of water and use a mosturizing body wash which has helped a great deal and I have the medicated lotion for the spots that creep up.
For self-esteem, one exercise I read about was to write down 5 people that you admire and next to each of there names write down traits that you like about them, do this first before reading the rest of this post.......................................................................................................................................................after you have written down people you like and things about them, go through the list and circle the ones that are in common. These are traits that your heart follows and that you wish to be like. Focus on those traits for yourself. For example, if your Grandmother is kind and several of the other people you selected had the kind trait, this is something you aspire to be. This will help you to be the kind of person that you want to be and help with your selfesteem. Another trick someone once told me was to wear a rubberband around your wrist(one that does not cut off circulation) and everytime you start thinking negatively snap it to help change you line of thinking.
It's important to remember that you are an individual that has something special to bring to this world that nobody else has. Nobody is perfect and it is a waste of time to try to be perfect. Focus on what makes you great and let it shine through you!

Posts: 2 | From: Las Vegas | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lilerse
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Just wanted to step in to remind you that salespeople like the foundation/concealer woman are SUPPOSED to make you feel like you need as much crap as possible to make you "beautiful." The point is money. When I get my eyebrows waxed the waxers always ask if I want my upper lip done - I HAVE NO HAIR ON MY UPPER LIP! (nothing visible at least) It's all about making you buy more; it's capitalism at its finest. There was a guy at the mall who kept insisting I had "problem skin" and had to buy his $50 product (unfortunately, that one I fell for. It was a few years ago. Oh and, btw, it didn't help). My acne wasn't even that bad!
Moral of the story, don't trust people trying to sell you stuff.

But anyway. Though I don't have eczema, I did have acne as a (younger) teen and definitely went through phases of feeling hideous and having horribly low self-esteem. I laugh at that now. I can't believe I ever hated the way I looked. I think I'm gorgeous now (and I still have acne).
Obviously there are people out there who have low self-esteem their whole lives, but it IS possible to change. When I was 15 I thought I would always be ugly, always hate the way I looked. Now I don't. Things can change.

And as someone else has mentioned, people rarely even notice. My roommate freshman year of college had psoriasis that she was SUPER self-conscious about..but I barely ever noticed! And I still thought she was gorgeous (a lot of other people did too). Skin conditions don't turn off other people as much as you think they do. At all. And, if people your age DO ever tease you about it, they'll grow out of it eventually.

Remember you're not the only one, remember things WILL get better (and believe me I know what it's like to feel hopeless and like things are never gonna change), and believe that you CAN accept your body and learn to live with (and be proud of) it!

[ 07-08-2010, 08:49 PM: Message edited by: Lilerse ]

Posts: 219 | From: Indiana | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mma
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quote:
Originally posted by Lilerse:
Just wanted to step in to remind you that salespeople like the foundation/concealer woman are SUPPOSED to make you feel like you need as much crap as possible to make you "beautiful."

Yep, the entire multi-billion dollar "beauty" industry gets people to open their wallets by telling them that they're ugly and they stink... Can you imagine any other industry advertising like that?! [Mad]

I reject their "reality" and substitute my own! [Razz]

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sarah grace
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I completely agree with what Lilerse said about the salespeople trying to get you to buy more makeup. Maybe you could ask a friend or your mom to help you pick out some makeup at a drugstore? That way you get exactly what you want, and you can experiment. [Smile]

I'm 17, and though I don't have eczema, I do have scars from poison ivy (it completely covered my legs) and I have tons of stretch marks. The way I look at it, scars are part of you, and they make you unique. [Smile]

And another thing... I absolutely guarentee you that there are people who think you are absolutely beautiful and that want to look like you. One day I told a girl who I consider gorgeous that I wished I looked like her... Instantly, she rattled off a dozen things that she hated about her body (acne scars were on the list, and she actually has psoriasis., and she told me that her nails peel off constantly... but when I looked her nails looked completely normal). Basically, how you perceive yourself to look is most likely completely different from what other people see.

I know you are against seeing a therapist, but it could really help you... If you didn't want to do that, maybe you could talk to someone you trust about all this... Actually getting the words out of your head and in the air, really helps, trust me. [Big Grin]

Good luck!

Posts: 57 | From: kentucky | Registered: Jun 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
AGF
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I am 19 and still battling acne and I have been since I was 12. I am also the one girl that matured faster than her "friends". Later, realizing they werent my friends because they made me feel like crap about my body. And as far as scars, believe me, everyone has scars. I have some great ones. I have a giant purple or white or pink (depending on the day) scar from a spider bite that got really infected. I also have a scar on my knee from stitches. I have a bunch of scars on my arms! at one point I looked like a cutter because a cat had bit me so bad. I also feel like I look like a junkie sometimes when the scars on the inside of my elbows show up....I got them from donating blood to save someones life! and to top all that off, I feel really insecure about my small breasts sometimes and I was in a bad accident a year ago and now have a scar on my breast from my seatbelt. I cant hide it. I tan being out in the sun and it gets whiter, I get cold and it gets hot pink. I accept my scars as part of myself. I have also learned to accept my acne, and as far as I can tell, I could have it til I'm 40! As you age, it comes and goes. As far as my clothes, wear what you want. Wear what you feel comfortable and happy in because at the end of the day the important thing is that you feel good and happy about yourself, not whether anyone else did about you. Thats why the "preps" seem like they have it all together, they are usually rather full of themselves so if they are happy thats all that matters. Do what makes you happy and usually your body will cooperate with you. [Smile]
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AGF
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YOur irritable bowel is from stress..... then maybe your acne and eczema outbreaks are from stress.
the sales lady, like said, was doing her job and product pushing. However! I have found that not wearing any foundations or cover ups helps my acne stay in control. the cover up and foundation fills your pores, makes your skin dry so your skin makes more oils and the oils mix with sweat from your day and make pimples. Also, when your in the shower put your face in the water and rub your hands over your face until you can feel it clean from the day. That helps too.
@Lilerse : if it has any kind of alcohol in it, the alcohol dries your skin, making your skin create more oils and the oils mix with your days sweat and dirt creating pimples. If you really want to use face/ acne stuff, use a product that doesnt have any kind of alcohols.

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katey1205
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Hey guys, thanks for all of your responses, they made me feel really good. I tryed going shopping with my friend who knows who she is but she ended up making me feel worse and I actually had to go to the bathroom to cry.
She used to be one of my best friend but now she keeps saying things like "oh my god cailin just go away" and saying she's joking. At school I confronted her about it and told her how big a deal it was to ask her to help me pick out makeup and I was almost crying and she acted like she didn't care. I just had tiger away from her so I went over to someotger people who comforted me and said that she acts like that to all of them. I told her that she doesn't need to go around in heels and stuff and that she doesn't need to grow up so fast and she actually hit me.
I've been avoiding her but she was my best friend and now it's like I don't even know her. I've got mostly good friends and they said that they would talk to her for me, because I can't be near her any more.

I still can't wear anything that might make people look at me but I've set myself a goal of buying a nice outfit and wearing it to the fair that's coming in a few weeks time. I usually don't set goals as I feel crap if I don't achieve them, but I'm determined to reach this one. It doesn't seem like much but I think it'll help me.

My guy friend said the other day that he really thought I was pretty and I almost cryed. He doesn't have a crush on me or anything but he still said it and I told him how much it meant to me and he laughed, nicely, but because he was just being nice. That night I looked in the mirror and thought "hey, I'm not so bad". But then the next day I talked to my mean half friend and I totally collapsed into a fit of crying later. I'm trying to avoid her but you can't just fully cut yourself off from someone who used to be your best friend. I don't even think I want to cut myself off from her, but I know I should.

This is just sort of a venting post, getting everything out there. But that's why I like this site. Everyones so kind and supportive.

Posts: 18 | From: Australia | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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