Donate Now
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » My naked body...

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: My naked body...
keepinitgreen
Neophyte
Member # 45365

Icon 11 posted      Profile for keepinitgreen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm really ashamed of my body. I am a bigger girl. I'm pretty healthy, I could exercise more, and eat better. But I do okay. I recently had sex for the first time with someone I'm not too comfortable with. Every time I see him I feel really awkward (there's also other reasons for that). I'm embarrassed that he knows me rolls and all that.
What can I do to feel more comfortable in my own skin?

Posts: 13 | From: United States | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
arianne
Neophyte
Member # 45364

Icon 1 posted      Profile for arianne     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
hey, keepinitgreen (love the name, btw!)
i know what you're going through in some ways, and i read your previous post about just having sex with someone.
i am overweight aswell, and that runs in my family i guess you could say. we recently (as in yesterday) started a 'family fitness plan' and my boyfriend of a year and a bit is a part of it. we had to weigh in and measure ourselves infront of each other (i'm the smallest of the family) but i was still really embarassed because if i sucked in my stomach or flexed my arms it wouldnt matter because my boyfriend would know my measurements.
whenever he asked me to be on top when we were having sex i'd say 'no, not yet' because from his angle.. HOW COULD I LOOK GOOD!?
i read a lot of articles of how to look past my own insecurities and not a lot of them helped. but i read one that said "honestly, that is NOT what the guy is focusing on when he's inside of you."
rolls or not.. he didn't notice.
guys are stupid like that sometimes, haha. we girls notice everything and everyone's perfections and more importantly, imperfections. hehe.
i would honestly say the best way to feel good about yourself is find out what you'd like to 'alter' in your body and fix it:)
do whatever it takes, but be safe, of course.

hope my insight helped a wee bit [Smile]

--------------------
ariannnnnnnnnnnnnnnne.

Posts: 13 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
arianne
Neophyte
Member # 45364

Icon 1 posted      Profile for arianne     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
oh, and when i say 'fix it' , i mean like, it's not going to make itself loose weight. the fat won't just... go away. you'll have to take charge and do what you think is right to make it the size or shape you want.
be happy, though. as you said, you were okay and not too worried before this whole sex thing.
but nothing really changed, did it?
your body looks the same as it did the other night before you were 'de-virginized', right?

--------------------
ariannnnnnnnnnnnnnnne.

Posts: 13 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orca
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orca     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey arianne, I think it's great that you feel so strongly about exercising, but please remember that this is a safe space and we don't like to make generalizations here like "guys are stupid like that sometimes, haha. we girls notice everything and everyone's perfections and more importantly, imperfections" because not only are they inaccurate, they're also pretty hurtful. You may have noticed in keepingitgreen's other post that the sex wasn't consensual and that may be a bigger reason why she's not feeling so great right now. Encouraging someone who's been sexually assaulted to just exercise and change their body to feel better is not likely to be so helpful. As well, telling someone to "find out what you'd like to 'alter' in your body and fix it" regardless of any trauma isn't entirely sound because when people do focus on changing themselves rather than being happy with the way they are, they're likely to still be unhappy with themselves and their physical appearance even after they've achieved those changes.

Keepingitgreen, I'm really sorry that this has brought up some body image issues for you. When we are forced into "sex" (I use quotations because sex is between fully consenting, eager, and engaging individuals, and what you described does not sound like it was entirely consensual, which means it wasn't sex) we don't fully consent to, that can make us feel exposed around that other person, more so if we had some previous history of trusting that person. It sounds like the way you feel about your body right now is pretty tied up in what happened, which is totally understandable, but makes me wonder if you might feel better about your body if you could talk to someone openly about what happened, like a rape crisis advocate or a counselor. What do you think?

[ 01-11-2010, 08:00 PM: Message edited by: orca ]

--------------------
Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
arianne
Neophyte
Member # 45364

Icon 1 posted      Profile for arianne     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i truely am sorry, i didn't mean to be rude. really! i just got a little excited because when someone told me that if i didn't like the way my body looked (the way my stomach hangs out, or my arms are flabby) i could change that by excersizing and being smart. (not that keepinitgreen isn't smart!!) i began to excersize and eat healthy and, though i am still over weight, i'm beginning to be much more comfortable in my skin.
and i'm not saying not to be happy with the way you are. it's hard to explain.. what i'm trying to get accross. i just mean that of COURSE you should love yourself. without loving yourself how can you love one another, you know? being happy with who you are is the most important thing, i think.
i'm sorry for coming across as rude or immature. i really didn't mean any harm.

--------------------
ariannnnnnnnnnnnnnnne.

Posts: 13 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orca
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orca     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
(arianne, I didn't mean to imply immaturity or rudeness in any way, and I'm sorry if you felt that. I just wanted to point out some other ways of looking at keepingitgreen's situation and at body image issues in general. [Smile] )

--------------------
Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
keepinitgreen
Neophyte
Member # 45365

Icon 1 posted      Profile for keepinitgreen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
And, I pointed this out in my last thread, but I wanted to make it clear again that this was entirely consensual sex. I just want better self esteem for the next time I have sex, so I can get more satisfaction out of the experience.

(Possibly get to the point of me being comfortable with the lights on, me on top.)

[Big Grin]

Posts: 13 | From: United States | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Are you planning to have sex again with this same person?

As well, do you get that it may take some time to increase your self-image and self-esteem substantially?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
keepinitgreen
Neophyte
Member # 45365

Icon 1 posted      Profile for keepinitgreen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm definitely not planning on having sex with this same person again. I mean I'm attracted to them but... the situation really is not a good one for that type of thing to happen again.

I know it will take some time to gain confidence, but are there ways to...I guess kick start that self esteem?

Posts: 13 | From: United States | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, one thing to bear in mind is that when you choose a sexual partner who is someone you ARE comfortable with, who you've had enough time to gradually get sexual with, and when it is a good situation, that all by itself is likely to make a huge difference.

In terms of some body image kick-starting, how about coming up with something you can DO with your body to help you feel more at home in it, and more comfortable with it? For instance, has there ever been any kind of class you've wanted to take when it came to something physical, like a dance class, boxing, yoga, judo, hula hooping, rock climbing...?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3