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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » have i ever had an orgasm?

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Author Topic: have i ever had an orgasm?
arianne
Neophyte
Member # 45364

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i am in desperate need of advice and i'm too embarassed to ask anyone i know in person. i've only talked about this with my boyfriend (who is my best friend and also the only boy i've had sex with). please help!

i don't think i've ever had an orgasm. i've been 'self loving' for a few years, and eight months ago began my journey into being sexually active with my boyfriend. i've never 'came' or felt so good that i had to scream or ejaculated or anything.. i usually stop masturbating when my arm gets tired or i just feel my pleasure level become satisfied.

my boyfriend feels a little guilty because i'm apparently the only girl he's never 'got off' before. we've been together for quite some time now, and i trust him and i'm not nervous around him so what's the deal?!

we're both desperately looking for answers.

ohh, by the way.. we've also tried EVERYTHING. meaning all positions, all types of atmosphere, different toys, etc. we're not into the kinkiness of 'tying each other up' or anything but we would like to experiment once we've got my little.. problem.. down pat.

(i've posted this in the expert advice column aswell as here because i'm looking for every type of advice. please comment!)

[ 01-11-2010, 05:33 PM: Message edited by: arianne ]

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ariannnnnnnnnnnnnnnne.

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hannah89
Neophyte
Member # 45702

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Have you tried using anything basic like a pillow by yourself? I masturbate almost 4 to 5 times a week. When I couldn't get an orgasm the first time I tried and just kept trying and eventually I got one. I asked a question like yours under sex basics and sexual health. People gave me great links. The quiestion is called i need help please!!! Try that. Good luck!!! ~Hannah~ [Smile]

[ 02-08-2010, 02:15 PM: Message edited by: hannah89 ]

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EliotDorian
Activist
Member # 37752

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TMI, but I secondguessed for the longest time if I'd ever had one, until I realized that those sensations WERE orgasms. Are you sure that's not what's happened with you? I mean, it doesn't have to curl your toes and rock your world to be an orgasm.

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"What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if no one asks to see 'em?"

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Cian
Activist
Member # 44405

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I personally wouldn't label it a PROBLEM, if you are enjoying yourself and feel satisfied, and don't really have anxieties about not orgasming yourself.
And that is something you should tell your boyfriend too, an orgasm is not the be all end all of sex. Orgasms also are seldom like seen in porn(remember they are actors after all), the whole screaming ejaculating thing, not many women do ejaculate, and I for one only have noisy orgasms if I've been noisy overall during the sex. I barely make any noise when I reach that point by myself.

I'm sure the volunteers will be able to refer you to some helpful links to articles on Scarleteen to demystify this "problem."

[ 02-10-2010, 02:19 PM: Message edited by: Cian ]

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robot_on_fire
Activist
Member # 45735

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firstly how an orgasm feels to each person is different! sensations are different for everyone.

Sex isnt just about the orgasm. Its about experiencing and enjoying all stages of it.

However if it is bothering you , try other new ways.
Haw you tried a shower jet? or oral sex? Fingering ?

remember that clitoral simulation is often key to the female orgasm .

Dont focus on having an orgasm , that thought itself might be pressuring you and hence preventing an orgasm !

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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A few clarifications of some of the great things already said here.

Not only is the experience or orgasm different from person-to-person, it's also different from day-to-day, experience-to-experience, for any one person.

Yes, for female-bodied people, clitoral stimulus is often crucial to enjoyment of genital sex and orgasm, but even that is secondary to how someone is feeling in their whole body and in their head about it. As mentioned, if we're stressing about reaching orgasm, if we're not highly aroused AND also relaxed about it all, orgasm is unlikely no matter what someone does with someone's clitoris.

It can help, when looking at your expectations of orgasm, to get a good look at your personality and your unique sexuality. In general, are you someone strongly vocal? When you exercise, for instance, are you generally loud? If you're not loud in other settings similar to sex, you probably won't be with sex often, either.

Female ejaculation isn't as rare as people tend to think it is, however, on the whole, when it happens tends to be in response to very specific stimulus, usually very targeted stimulation of the internal clitoris with fingers or a toy expressly designed for g-spot stimulation. There are absolute exceptions, but the former scenarios are more common.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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