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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Fetish

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Author Topic: Fetish
l-l-l-l-l-
Neophyte
Member # 44965

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I'm not quite sure how to ask this, but here is my best shot. I'm a masochist, in every sense of the word. Verbal, physical, you name it I like it, and I'm just not quite sure how I might tell my significant other that the meaner, more aggressive, and less affectionate the are, the better. And if/when we are no longer together, how would I go about finding people with similar interests? I know people who joke about S/M stuff, but they always afterward say how disturbing it is. I have no problem with who I am, but is it abnormal to be a sadist or masochist? [Roll Eyes]
Posts: 2 | From: Nonya | Registered: Dec 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Love-Life
Activist
Member # 37952

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It's not abnormal at all.

Does your current significant other know that you are a masochist? Or does he/she have no idea?

Finding people with similar interests such as those can be tricky because there are certain laws that interfere with meetings and things like that, at least in Canada. But it's by all means possible. With the internet I would assume it would be much easier, but also much more dangerous so be careful and do your research! I'm by no means suggesting you go meet random people off the internet!

Here's a great article that you might wanna check out Working the Kinks Out

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There is an upside to everything, sometimes you just have to turn it upside down to find it.

:-) Vikki (-:

Posts: 153 | From: British Columbia | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bookwormfairy
Peer Ambassador
Member # 44107

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No, everyone is into some sort of s/m stuff some just more than others. For me,i am open to pretty much anything and i think that if you tell your significant other they might be open mined and willing to try it out.

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~Lillian

Posts: 263 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Sep 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
l-l-l-l-l-
Neophyte
Member # 44965

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Completely clueless and as mild and sweet as a teddy bear. Really? I had no clue, I figured a person could have some interest or no interest at all. That is interesting to find out. Thank you. [Smile]
Posts: 2 | From: Nonya | Registered: Dec 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Love-Life
Activist
Member # 37952

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I have found that talking about stuff like this with significant others usually seems scarier in my head than in actuality. As long as you feel safe and able to do so there are tons of ways to bring it up. A really easy one, if you are sexually active or even if not, is to mention when you like something. Something as simple as "I really like it when ---" or "You should do --- more often." As long as you keep it positive your partner will probably do it more.
Now, that's not me saying that you shouldn't have a real conversation about it, but if you aren't sure how your partner will react it's really a good way to feel them out, so to speak.
They make many many games which can be amazing for starting up conversations. Personally, I'm a pretty shy person, so I need the push to open up about what I want and I have found the little card game my partner and I have super helpful. It's just a little deck of cards that either have tasks to perform, or intimate secrets to tell.

As a side note, it's also important to realize that not every one is capable of being really aggressive and mean. I know that my partner really enjoys being able to be super affectionate, all the time during all activities and he wouldn't enjoy being aggressive. So it definitely varies from person to person.

If your partner is completely against what you have to say, you may have to accept that you aren't sexually compatible - which happens! Finding some one with similar interests/fetishes is important if you feel its important. Figuring out how important it is to you will kind of determine how things go, if your partner doesn't feel the same as you.

No matter, the only way to know is to talk with them about it. And don't be afraid to be honest with your partner. It's very important to be on the same page - or at least in the same book, right? Right now you are keeping a part of yourself secret which can only ever harm a relationship.

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There is an upside to everything, sometimes you just have to turn it upside down to find it.

:-) Vikki (-:

Posts: 153 | From: British Columbia | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I do want to check in with something:

quote:
I'm just not quite sure how I might tell my significant other that the meaner, more aggressive, and less affectionate the are, the better.
Are we talking about negotiated sexual scenarios here, or about whole relationship dynamics?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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