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Author Topic: My...Vagina Hole
Realist
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Goodness this is so embarrassing to type (I'm a new poster).

I'm in this teen sex education leadership program and I'm currently receiving training in sex education. Lately I've been having a few concerns.

I'm 18, almost all of my friends have had that gardasil shot. Is it bad that I haven't gotten them?

I am not sexually active, but my instructors say that once one become sexually active or 18 (whichever comes first) she should set up an appointment with the gynecologist. I'm 18 and NOT sexually active. Should I see one?

It's been a while since I've had a doctor's appointment (maybe 2 years). The last one I expressed a concern that it was painfully difficult for me use tampons. He checked it out and informed me that my vagina hole was as thick as the width of a pinky. For anyone who plans to have sex one day, that's a big problem!! He said that I can have it surgically expanded. I have been trying to search online for information on such a surgery but I can't. If I see the gyno there is no way I will be able bear a finger or a speculum going up there without my vagina dilated.

There is a family problem. My mother is conservative. She equates me seeing a gynecologist to me getting pregnant. So whenever I talk about it she tries to ignore it. My mother and I aren't close when it comes to anything personal (I don't talk to her about anything). Also I don't have money! Everything comes from my parents. So even though I'm 18, I couldnt go to Planned Parenthood or anything like that because I couldnt afford the cheapest bill probably.

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Ecofem
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quote:
Originally posted by Realist:
Goodness this is so embarrassing to type (I'm a new poster).

Welcome to Scarleteen, Realist! [Smile] No worries about sharing personal information here -- there really isn't such a thing as TMI here as long as you're being conscientious, which you totally are, and following the guidelines. Additionally, the message boards are anonymous which provide a level of safety and security to users.

quote:
I'm in this teen sex education leadership program and I'm currently receiving training in sex education. Lately I've been having a few concerns.
Great to hear you're doing such a program... is it through school or a community organization or online? Sorry to hear you've been having some concerns lately but let's talk about them.

quote:
I'm 18, almost all of my friends have had that gardasil shot. Is it bad that I haven't gotten them?
The shot is elective so while it's your choice, I am a very big fan of it for the extra protection it provides against HPV-- a few common strains that can lead to cervical cancer and a few others that cause genital warts. I didn't get the first of the three shots until I was 23 but I'm so glad I got them; many insurance plans cover they for women up to age 26, I believe. I would recommend getting one but it's up to you; the sooner the better but if you can't get one now, you could get one later, too.

quote:
I am not sexually active, but my instructors say that once one become sexually active or 18 (whichever comes first) she should set up an appointment with the gynecologist. I'm 18 and NOT sexually active. Should I see one?
Yes, we would recommend you see one. Your GP can provide many of the services, too, as you know yourself but seeing a GYN if you can is best.

quote:
It's been a while since I've had a doctor's appointment (maybe 2 years). The last one I expressed a concern that it was painfully difficult for me use tampons. He checked it out and informed me that my vagina hole was as thick as the width of a pinky. For anyone who plans to have sex one day, that's a big problem!! He said that I can have it surgically expanded. I have been trying to search online for information on such a surgery but I can't. If I see the gyno there is no way I will be able bear a finger or a speculum going up there without my vagina dilated.
I have mixed feelings about what your GP said; I assume you're talking about your vaginal opening? Pink Parts - Female Sexual Anatomy While some people can have smaller openings that involve a medical procedure, I think it's pretty premature and bold of him to say you'll need one off the bat. If you were to see an actual GYN, s/he can both give you more feedback, talk about various options and perform an exam as best they can. Do you still have trouble inserting tampons? (Have you ever tried the slimmest OB brand tampons, the ones without applicators?)

quote:
There is a family problem. My mother is conservative. She equates me seeing a gynecologist to me getting pregnant. So whenever I talk about it she tries to ignore it. My mother and I aren't close when it comes to anything personal (I don't talk to her about anything). Also I don't have money! Everything comes from my parents. So even though I'm 18, I couldnt go to Planned Parenthood or anything like that because I couldnt afford the cheapest bill probably.
I'm sorry to hear that your mother is so unyielding about this; it sounds really hard, especially when you're trying to do the right thing. You could contact Planned Parenthood about the pay scale, look into seeing a doctor at the health department or even look into a free clinic. You could also try to see a GP (albeit a different one) who does these exams. Could you see a GYN without your mom finding out if you use the family insurance?

We can help you look for more resources, if you like. Please let me know what you're thinking. [Smile]

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Realist
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Thanks for responding. Yes the program is a school/community thing. It's a statewide program but works through school programs.

Yes I was talking about my vaginal opening. Honestly, I don't see what any other option could be other than surgery. I don't have vaginal agenesis obviously because I discharge and have had my period since age 12. Don't women with this problem use self-vaginal dilators? Correct me if I'm wrong. Well besides, I have a problem with trying anything on myself, fearful that I might harm myself in the process.

And I rather not go behind my mother's back in these things. Of course my body is my body and I should make decisions for myself regarding it but I hate the idea of her not knowing about it. When it comes to things that I know I'm right about, I don't really care what other people think about what I do, just as long as they don't get in my way of doing it. Sorry I'm losing focus. Well thanks for the help.

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atm1
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How about this: Can you talk to her about how you've been having problems related to your period and using tampons? If so, I'd suggest starting there, and being pretty forceful about it.

Then, I'd mention how pap smears and the HPV vaccine are one of the easiest ways to stay free of a bad type of cancer--mention that you want to get into good, healthy habits as soon as you can. If you present information about the vaccine and why you want it, you can come across as super informed and really responsible about your healthy.

You can also just go ahead and make the doctor's appointment yourself with a gynecologist (you'll want to call your insurance company to make sure you're covered to go to that particular doctor). Then you can say "Mom, this is really important to me and my health, and I've done my research, and I'm going to a doctor on XYZ date. I need some cash for the copay, and I didn't want you to be surprised when the insurance statement came." Does that sound like something you'd want to do?

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LondonBlue
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quote:
Originally posted by Realist:
Honestly, I don't see what any other option could be other than surgery.

Hi Realist, I want to expand on one issue you mentioned in your first post.

I'm sorry you had this experience with your doctor. I strongly suggest you get a second opinion before you tear your hair out trying to "fix" yourself with surgery or other extreme measures. I am really not sure what your doctor was talking about...my vaginal opening is about the width of a pinky when I'm not aroused (e.g. when I'm at the doctor, lol), but it loosens and stretches just fine when I am actually in the mood to use it. When I look at it with a mirror or something, I can never even see the opening, but that doesn't mean it's dysfunctional. Although I never had problems with tampons, I did have issues with slightly larger things (2 fingers, menstrual cup, etc). So please, before you get terribly upset over this, seek a second opinion. It makes me sad that you've been told there's something wrong with you and it's worrying you so much.

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Realist
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LondonBlue,

First off I really did not mean to give a bad impression of my doctor. He is an amazing man and was very considerate of my feelings and my comfortability. No matter what I do, of course there will be a second opinion but all my doctor was trying tell me was the truth about why it hurt to even attempt to use a tampon and explain his concerns about my "first time". Plus, I have heard of women who have the same problem and they experienced vaginal bleeding and other consequential problems after having sex. So all in all I don't appreciate the criticism of my doctor when he did nothing wrong.

Also there were somethings in your post that I was confused about. I'm not scared of the gyno and I certainly don't think I'll get aroused during the visit. I don't know why you said that.

Thank you for taking the time to give advice but I don't think my post was taken the right way.

To the other poster, I'm not the sneaky type to go behind my mother's back. We're going to set up the appointment together (whether she likes it or not).

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I just read this whole post, and wonder if you may have misunderstood what your doctor was saying, or if your doctor just may not have been clear.

The vaginal opening -- all by itself -- is closed when nothing is in it, and stretches to accommodate whatever is inside. There is no surgery I know of to widen a vaginal opening/vagina (which would be why you can't find any information on such).

BUT!

When a hymen -- which in early life, covers the vaginal opening, then as time goes on, erodes -- is too thick and/or not eroding properly, that can, then, create what is effectively a vaginal opening (even though that's not what it actually is) which will not widen, and where insertion of anything is painful. There is a surgery for that, called a hymenectomy. And that's actually a very simple, outpatient procedure, as the hymen itself has no nerve endings and it's nothing that needs to be there, as for most women, it wears away on its own.

Why don't you look that up and call your doctor to see if that is what he was talking about: I'm willing to bet that it is.

If that is what it is, I can talk to you about that and ways to talk to your Mom about it. If it's not, do find out what your doctor WAS talking about since, as I said, surgery to widen the vaginal opening itself is NOT something I know to exist, nor something, given the anatomy of the vagina, that would make any sense. There are surgeries to repair vaginal injuries like a tear between the vaginal opening and perineum (usually post-childbirth), but not to "widen" the actual vagina or actual opening.

If the vagina itself is not opening, that's usually about muscle tension, and the treatment is techniques (not surgeries: things like dilators, as you mentioned) to help women physically "unlearn" that tension, for lack of a better word.

Is your doctor an OB/GYN? If not, I'd expect him to have referred you to one for this issue, regardless of what his thoughts on it were. That'd be the best medical practice with a gynecological issue and potential surgery were a doctor a general physician. Of course, no matter what, since that app't was two years ago, you'd want to have a new visit. If this was about your hymen, it may well have eroded more in the interim, since the teen and young adult years is when that happens most.

[ 11-21-2009, 01:09 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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LondonBlue
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Realist,

I'm sorry you were offended by my post. You said your post was not taken the right way; honestly, I feel the same way about mine.

I did not criticize your doctor; I did not suggest that he was inconsiderate. I was trying to get across more what Heather said, that the vaginal opening should be small/closed when you're not aroused, so suggesting that it be opened artificially was a leap I thought might be extreme. I suggested you get a second opinion--another option would be to do what Heather said, call your doctor and clarify that you understood what he told you. As much as I love my general physician, he has given me misinformation about my sexual health which I've had to correct by asking another doctor, an OB/GYN. I'm not sure if this doctor is an OB/GYN, but regardless, I think what he said needs to be clarified before you take any drastic steps.

I don't think I said anything about you being scared of anything. When I mentioned arousal, I was saying that the LAST place I would be aroused is at the doctor getting my pelvic exam, and that's why my vagina would be small or closed. And that when I AM aroused, in a normal intimate setting, my vagina opens/loosens and is perfectly functional. So to say that your vagina is too small by looking at it when you're not aroused doesn't make sense--it's a muscle which is supposed to work by stretching or tightening as circumstances change.

I hope this clarified what I was trying to say. I was just trying to help you because I, too, was told my vagina was "too small" and I was convinced of it for a long series of failed attempts at sexual penetration. I understand that there are conditions where dilators or other methods are necessary, but it is also not impossible for a doctor to misunderstand your situation or for you to misunderstand his diagnosis, and I wanted to be sure you were fully informed of all the possibilities and options for dealing with them.

I'm sorry my post came across the way it did; and thank you for being so respectful in your response. I hope this helped a bit. [Smile]

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Hayley224626
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Hey haha we're like the same person! I'm also 18 not sexually active- I have the same concerns and problems with damn tampons. I figure losing my verginity is going to be extra painful but will remedy the tampon issue. Also I have decided to wait as long as possible to get the shots simply because they are a new drug and no one knows of the longterm effects yet but as I become sexually active I will get the shot when I feel it's needed. The papaloma virus is a rare threat if you aren't sexually active so I feel it's fine to wait. Ps I feel the same way about my mom and seeing a gyno

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Hayley

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