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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Labia insecurities

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Author Topic: Labia insecurities
GoGoGadget Flow
Neophyte
Member # 43892

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I know that every labia is different, but it is hard to be a teenager and want to be sexually active when you feel insecure about your labia minora. I have heard teenage boys talking about it and they have a general preference...small, tight, and a "slit", if you know what i mean. i have heard my friends talking about their vulvas and they say that their labias are not at all visible. I feel like I am the only one with a larger labia, even though i know i'm not. I just wonder how a teenage girl can be sexually active when a majority of teenage boys think bigger labis are weird. This must mean that the teenage girls who have sex probably have small labias. im just kind of wondering the statistics of small to large labias? is one more common? i hate feeling so ugly down there....
Posts: 8 | From: usa | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I don't think we can say a majority of teenage boys think anything because the teenage boys you know or have talked to about this express feeling a certain way. Okay?

I also think you need to leave room for the fact that if there are pervasive attitudes around you that only one way for labia to appear are okay, then it's likely some of your friends probably don't feel able to say theirs are anything but that way.

I'd also bear in mind that a majority of young teenage boys, worldwide (and this is statistical, not anecdotal) have not SEEN the vulvas of teenage girls or grown women. If anything, they've seen pornography, and many kinds of porn aren't exactly a good place to get an idea about the normal wide range of human genitals. Often, too young guys parrot what they hear other guys saying, because they, too, are afraid to be honest or call out bullshit when they hear it.

As someone who has seen plenty of vulvas, up close and personal, of varied ages, I assure you, labia really do come in all shapes and sizes. This isn't something we really have statistics on because there is a range, not a binary: not big ones and small ones. But what we do know statistically is that the range, on average -- and when we're not seeing an issue of labia being earnestly so long or thick they cause women real problems, like discomfort when sitting -- is that ave labia minora range from around 3/4s of an inch long to over two inches long at the longest point. Where would you say is the dividing line between long and short? I don't have an answer to that myself, especially since we aren't talking about something that is a straight line, but which has jags and curves and is also diverse in shape.

Bear in mind, too, that the labia growing larger and longer is part of puberty, so even some of your friends who have smaller labia this year may have larger labia next year.

So, what if all the young guys around you make clear they're lacking in maturity and the ability to accept real women's bodies? Don't sleep with those guys. Give them the time they need to grow up some more first. Not all of them are like that, to be sure, but if you know those who are, those just aren't guys ready to be sexual with anyone yet, clearly, okay?

Have you seen this yet: Give'em Some Lip: Labia That Clearly Ain't Minor?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
GoGoGadget Flow
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Thank you so much Heather! I already got up the nerve to talk to my mom about this, and she said something very similar and reassuring. This site is amazing, and the advice is perfect. Thanks again.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You're so welcome. And I'm always glad to hear users braving talking to parents and having positive experiences. Go you and your Mom! [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Shiro
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Member # 44305

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You have no idea how many times I've cried myself to sleep with the simple realization "My downstairs is so ugly no one would ever want to touch it, I will die without ever knowing physical love." because I am 100% convinced that, regardless the fact no two vulvas look the same, mine is just so repulsive no one could possible bear it.
Of course, for me, it's more than just the labia minora, the majora are humongous, my clitoral bridge is very prominent, it all destroys the image of a fit, healthy, snug vulva.

But!
These thoughts, yours or mine, are completely ridiculous. You probably wouldn't hold your boyfriend's penis's appearance against him. He's unlikely to do that to you. He will love you, and embrace you, and appreciate you.
Without a doubt.

Besides I'm sure your labia are just fine!

Posts: 21 | From: Europe | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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