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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Can't seem to get over body issues.

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Author Topic: Can't seem to get over body issues.
LovinLife
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Member # 39347

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So here's the reader's digest version of my problems:
When I was younger I was constantly bullied for my flaws. I have never seemed to get over these even since the bullying stopped. I feel as if I'm ugly, stupid, bad personality...just akward. I'm so unhappy with how I look. I have hair on my body that most girls don't have...like hairy arms and hair on my back...I'm so self concious of this. I feel like I'm just not good enough! I'm so jealous of everyone around me. Like the "pretty girls". There are so many things that I want to change about myself but I know I can't. I feel unfit...even though if I lose weight I'm sure I would be unhealthy. Anything that I can pinch off of my mid section I convince myself is fat. This is something that I have, in the past, been able to deal with, but now it has just become such a big part of my life and is almost haunting me. I need to know how to deal with this and learn to deal with my body. People say I'm beautiful...why can't I believe them?? Why can't I just be happy with who I am and how I look?? Hopefully someone can help me on this...I'm tired of feeling so bad abotu myself...I'm tired of feeling ugly and fat...I'm tired of it all [Frown]

Posts: 57 | From: Canada | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Horizon
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I'm sorry you're feeling this way, LovinLife, but rest assured that most people feel insecure physically at some point in their lives, so you're definitely not alone.

Bullying is definitely a problem no matter where you go, and I don't have to tell you how mean kids can be-- I've experienced that myself, too! Many people are bullied throughout their lives, and it does not have to have a bearing on the life that you lead today if you choose for it not to.

It sounds like you have some concerns involving weight. You can always visit your family doctor and get a check-up to make sure that your weight and health are in check. If not, your doctor can help you to make necessary changes.

Understand that everyone has aspects of themselves that they see as less than perfect. But what speaks more than 'ugliness' or imperfections is confidence. Try not to see yourself in a negative light-- chances are, you are picking yourself apart more than other people are.

If nothing else helps you feel better, are you able to reach a counselor who can help you through what you are feeling? They are also very useful for helping you cope with the bullying you once experienced.

Hope I've helped you some; give us a shout back if there's anything else we can help you with!

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-Kayla
Scarleteen Volunteer

"A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses." -Hippocrates

Posts: 755 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
EeeGee
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If it's any help I have more hair than people expect on a girl. I got a fair bit of bullying when I was about 13 partly over not shaving my legs, which are ridiculously hairy - all the epilating/waxing things that say no need to redo for 6 weeks I usually need to redo after 3 or 4 (if I can be bothered, I almost never wear short skirts so I often just let it grow until my legs are going to be on display). I was very lucky in that the people bullying me were people I was quite pleased didn't like me (I sort of take pride in being disliked by 'the popular crowd',if that makes sense) and that they got bored of it when they realised I wasn't going to change because of them (I did start shaving my legs but after most of the bullying had stopped and my legs were getting even more hairy).
I used to be jealous of friends who had very little hair on their arms and I tried shaving it off a couple of times but then I kind of grew to like it and now I think I would be a bit disappointed if it went away on its own.

From what I know of my friends I'm not convinced that hair on a girl is really as rare as people make out, just that they get rid of it as soon as they notice it because they think they shouldn't have hair there.

As a brief rundown of where I have hair: arms, legs,back of my hands and up my fingers a little way, my toes, on my stomache and my back. I also have a lot of fairly fine fuzzy hair around the corners of my mouth and across my forehead.

Hope some of this helps.

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Sometimes he gets bored of running at them, flapping his arms and shrieking...

Posts: 5 | From: UK | Registered: May 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LovinLife
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Horizon: thanks for your reply.

EeeGee: You wouldn't believe how much that made me feel better. To know that there are other girls out there like me. I hate the hair on my back especially, and definately on my arms. I have hair on my stomach as well...ugh. haha. I go through days where I absolutely HATE it and then i go through some where I'm like...whatever, it's fine. I definately sometimes envy those girls who don't have any hair on their bodies. I don't think people care as much as I think they do however, it still matters what I think of it. People have told me time and time again "people all feel insecure...it's normal"...okay, to me...yes it might be normal, but that still doesn't make it right. I want to be okay with my body and how I look...Everyone has their faults and I understand that...I want to know how to learn to like/be okay with mine. The hair on the arms thing..at least I've gotten alot better with it now. I can wear short sleeve shirts without thinking about it most of the time. Thank you so much for your imput [Smile]

Posts: 57 | From: Canada | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Firefly-
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Horizon and EeeGee both have written some great answers, so I just wanted to add a couple of article links for you:

Hair, There and Everywhere
Seven Ways to Love Your Body
My Body & Me

Hope these help!

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Vero
Scarleteen Volunteer
Help sustain sex ed and Scarleteen: donate!

Posts: 1345 | From: Canada | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Astrid
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I completely agree with the advice and support above me. However, I generally do best by thinking outside myself and taking an objective view about how I would look at me as well as how I look at other people and it helps me to realize that I'm not so bad.

I don't know if this will help you, but I hope so [Smile]

I was bullied as a kid, mostly for my weight and the clothes I wore. While I'm still heavy, but I do dress better. But I dress good for myself, because it makes ME feel good. Which brings me to my next point... think about it, how often do you look at a girl and think "Ew, she's hairy," the fact is (although, I personally look for my own flaws in other people) not many people notice things like this. I know plenty of girls with extra hair on their arms. There are a few popular girls in my school with hair arms too. I really don't think people notice your (and my) flaws as much as we think they do.

I'm just as guilty as you about beating myself up over my own flaws. But I've starting feeling a lot better about myself since I started thinking about how much I don't care about other peoples flaws. Even if I notice them, do I really care? No, I'll forget about it then go back to my own issues.

There are going to people who don't like me/you for numerous reasons. But as long as I'm/you're happy with your/myself. That's all that really matters. Granted, I don't always believe this but the idea that people aren't constantly critisizing my flaws or really even care for that matter... but it is always in the back of my mind making me feel a little better.

I hope this helped and didn't confuse you...

Posts: 5 | From: Michigan | Registered: May 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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