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Author Topic: Caught in a bind
unusual_disaster
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Member # 42625

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Hello everyone,

So I'm new to this forum and was wondering if I could get a second, third or fourth opinion from someone who isn't biased such as some friends of mine. I apologize in advance if this post is extensively long, however I believe a bit of a background is necessary to better understand my dilemma.

A few years ago I was diagnosed with a severe clinical depression and was ultimately put on anti-depressent medication which in turn had very heavy side effects. These side effects made me act strange and caused my relationships with many friends and significant others to go absolutly haywire.

Due to the depression and the effects of the medication I was on, I became emotionally and verbally abusive and unstable. Essentially I became a completely different person, a Monster, someone who I didn't want to be nor who I was or currently am. This by no means excuses my actions that I incured to the people I hurt due to my sickness.

Anyways I digress. I hurt one particular person that I had considered a really close friend. I had said hurtful things in one of my spells and blamed her for something she had absolutly no control over. It got so bad that one day I had called to speak with her about God knows what and received a response from another family member. This family member was polite and to a certain degree understanding to what I was going through, and explained to me that it would probably be a good idea if I stopped talking with my friend. I didn't particular agree with it but complied. My actions and the words that were spoken to my friend by myself have been eating away at me since.

Recently I feel like fate has given me a second chance. I ran into my friend on campus and we started talking about random things and events. She invited me to lunch which I gladly accepted and we hit it off again like nothing had happened despite it being a few years since we had last spoken.

Today I am a different person than I was. I've been cured of the depression, I'm graduating from University in a few months and I even start my dream career. You'd think I'd be happy? Wrong! Well ok you're right I'm extremely happy that i've managed to turn my life around and such BUT I still have that nagging feeling at the back of my mind and my heart.

I'm ashamed for what I did to my friend and all the others who I treated terribly at a very dark time in my life, and want to apologize profusely for what i've done but at the same time I don't want to bring something up that might jeopardize my second chance with her.

I guess what i'm asking is, should I leave well enough alone and not bring it up with her, take this second chance at our friendship as a sign of forgiveness. Or should I discuss it with her and tell her how sorry I am for the way I treated her. I'm caught in a bind please help. Thank you!

PS: I'm sorry if this thread doesn't belong here I wasn't sure where to put it figured it was a problem with my soul [Smile]

PPS: Forgive the poor grammar English is my second language. Thanks [Smile]

Posts: 2 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
strumpet
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i think apologizing can only do good. i mean it has to be on her mind too, what happened, if she's seeing you again. even if she's put it behind her, getting that straightened out can only make things better.
Posts: 61 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
babycks123
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I dont think your post was long, and I actually think its very nice that you care so much about what you said. Most people will say things but dont ever go back to apologize or just think its no big deal. The only thing you can really do is move on and you said your friends again, you cant go back into the past so you can only just try to start over with her if you feel so bad. You said you had no control over that and everyone has been depressed at one time or another and I'm sure people have said and done a lot worse things to their friends before but just keep moving forward and take things slow.
Posts: 30 | From: florida | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
StrangePudding
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I was friends with someone until my freshman year of high school when we got in to a ridiculous fight and just stopped talking. Randomly, in my junior year, we had classes together and became even better friends than we had before! we NEVER mentioned our two year silence, and now I'm a freshman in college. It always ate at me, because I felt I was kind of in the wrong (even if she overreacted) and during that two year silence I would actually have a recurring dream where we became friends again. But not mentioning it worked out really well for us, because it didn't get us in to the argument again (it was a very stupid little political thing, actually. Neither of our views had changed but the way he handled them did, but I still didn't want to get in to that again). I just wanted to share that with you and let you know that even if you feel bad, her being friends with you again has already shown she forgives you. It might be best to just move on.
Posts: 222 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
unusual_disaster
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Thanks for the insight everyone! I really appreciate it! You've given me a different perspective on the situation. [Smile]
Posts: 2 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Astrid
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I'm in the same boat you were but still fighting it. Be honest. Tell her you made the mistake. Tell her you didn't realize hoe cruel you were being at the time and that you're going to take blame for it now. Tell her you're sorry and you love her.

I've done many of the same things to my friends but less so I suppose. Once I "come out of it" for lack of a better phrase, I feel awful and do everything I can to fix what I broke.

Bonne chance! (you'er from Canada so I'm assuming your first language is French. Don't know if it really is but I just want to show of my 3 years of high school French skills [Razz] ) If she was as good as a friend as you say, she'll forgive you and you'll [hopefull] make it back to the way things were!

Posts: 5 | From: Michigan | Registered: May 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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