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Author Topic: Irrational Fear of Pregnancy
carrot361
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I have a lot of issues going on right now, including a messy break up, but I need to vent about something I think is kind of a big problem for me.

Before I even began having sex, I had been on the pill for 3 months. My partner and I were also tested for STIs. At first, we always used condoms. A couple times we went without a condom for probably 30 seconds at most, which always seemed okay at the time considering I am on the pill. I never let him ejaculate inside me. However, I would proceed to worry a lot afterwards and I wouldn't really calm down until I got my period at the end of the month.

Since then, I have become increasingly paranoid about becoming pregnant, despite taking my birth control pills on time every day, and never having missed one in the past 8 months since I started them. I worry about being pregnant when there is really no risk that I am. I obsess over it. My latest obsession is that I was afraid it was possible for me to become pregnant if pre-ejaculate touched my clitoris, without even any penetration!

I know I am getting obsessive about it and in fact, we've broken up, and I've decided I want to wait a long time before engaging in sexual activity of any kind again. The thing is, I don't think it's normal that I worry so much when I know that rationally, I've taken a pill every single day on time since July of 2008, and I have never done anything extremely risky! I never even let him finish inside of me. My friends who are on the pill think I am crazy, or at least being completely irrational. If I told someone that while being on the pill, I worry about my risk of becoming pregnant when I haven't actually even had sex since January, and have had two periods since then, they would tell me I was insane. It helps a lot to actually write it here because I can't say it out loud.

How can I learn to trust the birth control pills?! I am making myself crazy and I won't get my period until Wednesday of next week. I just want to get over this so that someday when I find the right person, I can have a healthy sexual relationship and not be CONSTANTLY paranoid. Has anyone else experienced this? Maybe I'm just not mature enough to be having sex, which to me, seems very embarrassing because I am an adult, almost 21 years old.

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wobblyheadedjane
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It is in fact pretty mature to realize when something is stressing you out to the point of no longer being enjoyable, and being able to take a break, so don't be embarrassed.

Do you have a history at all of any other anxiety related problems?

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Unlucky at cards; lucky at love.

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carrot361
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I don't. But as of recent months, I'm starting to think I may have an anxiety problem. I saw a therapist and she suggested doing some deep breathing exercises when I begin to feel panicked, but with things like worrying that I'm pregnant, it's a constant fear that eats away at me.

I think a lot of my stress came from being in a relationship that was very up and down and very emotionally draining, and that maybe the anxiety was related to that. I guess the only way I'll know that for sure is after some time goes by with him out of my life.

I'm just scared that even if I am in another committed relationship, I'll be too afraid of always being scared of pregnancy to start having sex again! And don't get me wrong, I love sex! Sex itself has never been the problem and obviously the fear wasn't enough to keep me from doing it. I don't know how to explain it.

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Karybu
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Have you continued seeing the therapist? If not, it may be worthwhile to set up appointments on a regular basis to get some help working through both your anxieties about pregnancy and the stress from your last relationship.

Unfortunately, dealing with a big anxiety like this tends not to be a quick fix - I know for me personally it took months with a therapist to get to the point where I really felt like I had a handle on mine. (Not saying it'll be the same for you, mind, but it does sound like it might be a good idea for you to continue seeing a counselor for at least a little while, if only to learn a few more techniques for reducing anxiety.)

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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carrot361
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No, I ended up stopping. I am kind of embarassed to talk to her about this specific problem. I don't know how to bring it up.
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wobblyheadedjane
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Like doctors, therapists are used to dealing with what are traditionally considered embarrassing topics. It can be hard to get over that hurdle though.

Did you otherwise like the therapist you were seeing?

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Unlucky at cards; lucky at love.

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carrot361
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She was good. She is the first therapist I've ever seen though, so I wasn't really sure what to expect. Is it normal for me to talk for most of the session and for her to just listen?
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wobblyheadedjane
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Yes, absolutely. If you feel the topics are carrying your side of the conversation well, then often a therapist won't need to interject too often.

If you can, why not call her up again, and see if she can take you on as a client once more? It sounds like you had a good rapport with her. If you like, you can ask on the phone if she's had any experience with sexual anxiety; if not, she can perhaps recommend another therapist who does.

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carrot361
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Okay, thanks [Smile]
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carrot361
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I saw my therapist again. She seems to think that a lot of my fears and obsessions stem from the trust issues I had in the relationship and the trauma I'm feeling from the experience of loss.

She also thinks it's possible I need medication to sort it out. I feel kind of overwhelmed and I talked to my mom about it, but she was very very opposed to the idea that there's something wrong with me that requires medicine to fix it.

I honestly don't like the idea of it myself. But I know I must have a problem because yet again, I got my period in March and questioned whether it was my period or perhaps implantation bleeding! I KNEW that was irrational and yet I still thought it.

I feel really overwhelmed, alone, and lost right now. My family and friends are there for me, even my ex is there, but I can't seem to just be calm and happy and normal again. Just needed to vent [Frown]

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pandajayne
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I had the same problem. I used to obsess over being pregnant. You even end up convincing yourself you are at one point.

Personally, for me it wasn't because I thought I was being risky cos i wasn't. It wasn't cos of trust issues. I wanted to have sex it's just you have to do it knowing there is a risk of getting pregnant. I was prepared for that but I just was always scared it would happen and I just wouldn't bear the dissaproval on my mum's face. That's the reason I was so scared.

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What hurts more? Knowing that you should hate him or that you dont?

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Cuppycake
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Same here.

Again, for me it wasn't trust issues. Like pandajayne said, there's always a risk. I mean, even though I got my period last month, I'm convinced it wasn't a proper period (it was abt 2.5 days ...I usually bleed for abt 3 days maybe), and that the condoms we used didn't work (even though I obsessively checked them after the act and they were completely intact).

Bigger risk for me considering in this country, you get thrown into jail and then thrown out if you get pregnant when you're unmarried. Go figure abt my stress!!!!!!!

Posts: 7 | From: Asia | Registered: Jun 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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