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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Extremely Embarassing Question

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Author Topic: Extremely Embarassing Question
BreakingSilence
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I know there is a section on ur site stating that all women's inner labias are based on nationality and such and it says " pink(...or brown parts, or violet parts, or black parts, or peach parts, or...)"

I am multi-racial what color are mine supposed to be?, im a little worried that they aren't normal, i've been scared and embarassed about it for years and its hard to talk to anyone about it ...in what case are they violet,black,brown peach,etc? for example; I am made up of half italian,african american,and Indian mainly... what "should" my labias look like ? How can I be assured I am "normal" ??? [Embarrassed] [Confused]

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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wyntermidnite
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Unless it's some unnatural color like green I'm sure it's fine. Genetics determine our coloring and it's natural to have whatever coloring you have if it's in the human spectrum. Your body is yours, it's natural, and i suggest you get more comfertable with it because it's the only one you've got, no matter if you think you're normal or not.
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BreakingSilence
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thank u , i will try to be more comfortable. thanks for your help. its not like i've seen any one else's to say that mine was different. i just didnt feel like it was normal. if u are of several nationalities can it then vary between any combination of those colors?

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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Love-Life
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Wynter basically said it. "Normal" is a very... challenging word to use and understand. There is no set colour for any part of anyone's body. Everyone is different, and that's what is beautiful about life.

Here are some articles you can read, some are just basic physical anatomy and some are more about feeling comfortable with your own body.
Pink Parts - Female Sexual Anatomy
Vagzilla! (Or All Genitals Great and Small)

This is an article I just read over, and on the bottom of the page they refer you to other links regarding your issue. So I highly recommend that you check it out!
I Don't Think This Is Normal Can I Just Cut My Labia Off?

So, read the articles and hopefully you can be feeling better about yourself soon enough.

Are you planning on becoming sexually active soon, or are you already sexually active? You mentioned being afraid and embarassed to talk about it, but if you are very truly concerned your doctor, or gynecologist, will be able to explain everything to you in a more diagnostic way.

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feefiefofemme
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Also, the colour of a person's genitals is not necessarily dependent on their ethnicity, but rather on their individual genetic makeup. There's no set colour that, say, an Indian woman's labia are "supposed" to be.
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BreakingSilence
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thanks so much love-life.. yes i've been thinking about becoming sexually active soon ..but im really kind of afraid... thanks for ur help

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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Stephanie_1
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Jenny, What makes you afraid of becoming sexually active? Are there any specfic questions about sex that we can help answer for you- looking for birth control methods, what to expect, and would you like us to link you to our sex readiness checklist and some other articles from the main site that can better inform you about risks and safer sex? it may help you be able to get some thoughts out in the open.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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BreakingSilence
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the truth is , is that I am scared because part of me does want to and the other part is insecure.. i am afraid it will hurt, or afraid i will get pregnant.. its not that i dont want to have sex, im human its just that im afraid. I'm only 20 and my b/f we've been dating for about 2 years... is it ok to move on? the terms "sexually active" covers what acts?

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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Horizon
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It's fine to progress into sexual acts whenever you and your partner both feel it's right and are comfortable with your choices. Fear of pain and pregnancy are super-common fears, but as long as you are well-prepared and have all the essentials, you will not need to worry so much about those things.

Sexually active is a really broad term because it varies so much from person to person. Some people may define it as deep kissing, oral sex, manual sex, anal sex, vaginal intercourse-- really, anything you can think of in that spectrum can mean "sexually active" to someone. So it's really up to you what makes you sexually active.

Have a gander at these. I think they will help you out. [Smile]

Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex-Readiness Checklist

From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse

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-Kayla
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BreakingSilence
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thank u so much Kayla.. what is manual sex?

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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Horizon
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Manual sex is stimulation of the genitals generally using the hands. It can take the form of masturbation, mutual masturbation, fingering, "hand jobs", etc.

[ 04-23-2008, 08:04 PM: Message edited by: Horizon ]

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-Kayla
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BreakingSilence
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oh, ok.. thanks ..fingering is just touching, right? i want to move to the next level w/ my b/f but im scared to, because we "tried "to have sex last week and well it just hurt too bad to even call it "sex". In that case am I still a virgin? its not like it was all the way in, nor did i recieve any pleasure from it .. i was in too much pain... my b/f says it was because of my hymen..could that be true?... i thought i was ready, but maybe i wasnt ??

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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BreakingSilence
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everyone says its healthy for a relationship. I wanted to wait for marriage and i had that in my mind, but i didnt want to ruin our serious relationship over my own beliefs... i am catholic and i dont even go to church anymore because im afraid God isnt happy that I live w/ my b/f. we are both virgins but refuse to go.... so would it really make sense to follow one rule if i dont follow the rest??

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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Horizon
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Fingering is touching, but more specifically, manual sex on female genitalia is what I meant there.

In the same way that being sexually active is ambiguous, so is the concept of virginity, (which, keep in mind, is a very social concept and has no real medical value). Any of those acts I mentioned to you before can be considered things that mark the "taking" of virginity. It's your choice what you want to believe regarding virginity-- as in what act will make you no longer a "virgin" or if you even believe in the concept at all. It's totally up to you whether you situation here makes you a virgin or not.

As for your pain, it sounds like you were not quite sure that you wanted to be having intercourse. Were you very comfortable, relaxed, and aroused? (In other words, did you very much want sex at the time?) Were you using plenty of extra lubricant? Was your partner taking it slow and were you communicating?

If you are twenty years old, then chances are that any hymen you had would have been worn away by now. It can be worn away with menstruation and the use of tampons, physical activity, masturbation, horseback riding, etc. Even if you still had a partial hymen, it's a very elastic membrane and can stretch. So I think your issues are probably in the readiness and comfort department.

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-Kayla
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BreakingSilence
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thanks for the explaination.. i felt comfortable at the time and thought i was ready.. still a little nervous ( but who isnt at 1st?) i was some what relaxed and aroused but not as much as i could have been.. my gyno had told me that i do have a pretty much intact hymen.. i always have tampon troubles.. i didnt start using them until like 2 years ago....

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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BreakingSilence
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i had alot of discomfort during my pap test. it was horrible, it hurt so much i cried..so part of my problem is, is that im scared its going to hurt like the speculum ( which they used the smallest size avaliable to do so )

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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cool87
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But you know, you can stop at any time if you do happen to experience any pain or discomfort, you don't have to continue to engage in something that is causing you pain.

Plus, if you do make sure you're relaxed, use enough lube, make sure you're aroused before attempting intercourse, all those things lower your chances of experiencing pain or discomfort.

I'd suggest taking a look at our sex readiness checklist Kayla linked you if you haven't already since this might be useful for you.

[ 04-23-2008, 08:41 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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BreakingSilence
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thats true, but then i have to give up my virginity with no satisfaction [Frown]

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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Horizon
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See, I knew I should have mentioned visiting the doctor. [Razz] You may want to check with your doctor again, (as I am not a doctor and obviously can't see the state of your hymen) but if you are having significant tampon troubles because of this, chances are that a penis is not going to be able to enter you, either. Have you engaged in other acts with him that do not involve penetration?

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-Kayla
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BreakingSilence
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yes, many times and for a while. Is that ok?

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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Horizon
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That's perfectly okay just so long as you both are comfortable with it. [Smile]

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-Kayla
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BreakingSilence
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yes, very much so.. is it ok/ normal for couples my age to take part in such activity? how old were u ?

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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cool87
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Of course, and this applies to couples of any age.

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BreakingSilence
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most people make it seem like sexual contact is " bad" or "uncalled for" .. why is that?

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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cool87
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Well, that's really a matter of personnal opinions. So people might see sexual activities as ''bad'' but that's not the opinion everyone share concerning sexual activities.

There can be a lot of reasons why sexual activities might be perceived as ''bad'' by someone and those reasons might differ a lot from one person to the next.

[ 04-23-2008, 09:14 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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BreakingSilence
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i see what u mean.. so its rather a good thing than bad?

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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cool87
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As I said, this depends on who you ask. People have different opinions about sex. The opinion I have about it for example might not necessarily be one everyone is comfortable with.

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BreakingSilence
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i feel very comfortable w/ my body around him. it didnt take me long, he's a very understanding and loving individual

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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Stephanie_1
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You said that you've engaged in different types of sexual activity that don't involve penetration, when you do this with him has he ever tried penetrating you with his fingers? Some women find also that to have sexual intercourse it takes a lot more more leading up to it in the arousal and relaxation area.

It may help for you both to wait to try intercourse until after orgasm so that you're more relaxed, then take things slow and tell him if you're feeling pain. If he's going slowly and you're relaxed as well as using a good water based lubricant - especailly after orgasm you may find that penetration is easier.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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Ladygirl18
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quote:
I wanted to wait for marriage and i had that in my mind, but i didnt want to ruin our serious relationship over my own beliefs
That worries me a little Jenny, and it sounds like you may be sacrificing your beliefs for your relationship, which may be leading to your discomfort when you try to have intercourse. I read your other thread in the Sexual Basics and Sexual Health section, and while I agree that you need to check back with your OB/GYN, I think you may want to look internally as well. If you do not want to have sex before marriage then that is your right, and your boyfriend should respect that. It should not be something that should ruin your relationship. Did your boyfriend do or say something to make you believe that your relationship would be ruined if you didn't have sex with him?

Also, as for your question of when it's normal to have sex or participate in sexual activities, it really is up to you. I didn't even get my first kiss until I was 17, but then I had vaginal intercourse for the first time when I was 18. It was the right time for me, even though it was even later than a lot of my friends.

So essentially, my advice would be to not worry so much about what is "normal" or "ok", but what YOU want. Not what "people" think, not what your boyfriend wants, but what you want. If you don't want to have sex, that's totally ok! And if you do, that's awesome too! What really matters is that it's your decision, you feel comfortable with it, and it makes you happy.

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"We all have wants and needs and desires, strange as they may seem. If you stop to think about it, we're all pretty creative, cooking up all these fantasies. It's like a kind of poetry."

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BreakingSilence
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thank u both for ur thoughts and help.. its not really that i am sacrificing my beliefs its just that i had a situation when i was living at home and i had to get out of it . so i went to live w/ my b/f .. and now that i'm living with someone of the opposite sex i think God isnt happy w/ that.... my first kiss was at age 19 .. i moved in the week after new years eve.everythings been going great, he has alot of respect.

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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queenbee01
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can a germatoligest tell if a girl has had sex?
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orca
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Hey queenbee. In future, you can start your own thread by hitting the "new Topic" button at the top or bottom of the page. That way, your question is less likely to get overlooked. On to your question. Heather actually gave a great response to a similar question here. Take a look over that, and if you still have any questions feel free to come back and ask them. [Smile]

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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Red Grant
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(Please refrain from posting links to pictures of genitals, even if not outright pornographic in nature.)

[ 09-19-2008, 11:07 AM: Message edited by: *Lauren* ]

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