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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » boyfriends grossed out at periods

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Author Topic: boyfriends grossed out at periods
DaisyMazy
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My boyfriend and I have been together for quite a while, and while this used to only irk me a bit now it really is offensive to me. I was wondering how other people felt about it to know if I was way off base. My boyfriend is totally disgusted with periods, he knows when I have mine because sex is off the table for a few days. When he knows I'm on he like doesn't touch me, he gives me awkward hugs, and holds my hand, the end. He's freaked out because I sat on his lap once, and got grossed out because he saw a pad (like a new one, in the wrapper) in my car. He has sisters, and we're not young, he's 19! When I brought this up to him he suggested that I skip my periods (i'm on BC)but I don't feel like this is a viable solution to the problem at all. I was just wondering how other people felt, am I offbase to be offended. I hate that I'm labeled as "unclean" or something because of something I can't really help.
Posts: 74 | From: Austin, Tx | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
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You're absolutely right, skipping periods simply because a partner is not comfortable is not a good solution here. This is your body and you need to take care of it the best way you can.

Have you asked your partner about why he feels this way? Certainly some people are squicked out by menstrual fluid (which is unfortunate, but is to some extent a product of our culture and the way it deals with the female body and menstruation), but being concerned about any contact whatsoever suggests that there is a deeper aversion going on here.

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Sarah Liz

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LittleMissSunshine
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Granted many people aren't so good with blood in the first place, for example, seeing injuries, or getting their blood drawn. However, unless your boyfriend is pulling away and refusing to be around you when you have a cut or something, it's very likely that, as suggested above, there is something deeper.

It's very possible that he maybe just doesn't know all the facts, and just doesn't get the idea of "having a period". Despite having sisters, some brothers are very much so in the dark (I know mine sure is!).

A well plannned conversation would be in order!

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mal
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my guy was fine then about 7 months ago was like woah no sex on your period now he will barely kiss me if im on. so kinda the same as hers but it didn't start that way and if he is like this with just a period what is it going to be like if we get married and have children. will he be like a kid came outta there why would i want to go in that again? it is an annoying quesition for me
Posts: 16 | From: ohio | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Iain
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It doesn't really bother me when my girlfriends on her period, we don't have sex for a few days but I don't avoid contact with her. We sleep together in a single bed whenever I stay at her house and we do that when she's on. I think some guys are scared of wot they don't understand and you'd be amazed at what some guy's think happens when a girls on her period.
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Heather
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Morgiana: when the two of you have talked about this, how have those discussions gone? Have you asked him to really verbalize what he is feeling and why he thinks he feels that way?

Have you perhaps talked about how just like his ejaculate and pre-ejaculate are normal parts of his reproductive system and function, so is the case with your periods (and perhaps asked how he might feel if you suggested he should take medications to make those things vanish)? Have you voiced to him that it is very difficult to be with an intimate partner who effectively refuses to accept your normal body, and its functions and processes, and let him know how his behavior makes you feel?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Stephanie_1
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Morgiana: You are certainly not off base to be offended. If you told him it bothered you when he needed to urinate ... would he have a problem with it? Probably. And it's a natural body function ... if he didn't ever urinate - there would be major health problems. If women totally stopped the natural process of ovulation and menses - well it's safe to say that the world as we know it would die out.

In addition to what Heather said, you may want to just remind him of the fact that this is something that's a normal body function for all women to go through. If he's choosing to date women ... he's going to have to become accustomed to the fact that it happens.

Also, when you do talk you may want to be ready to debunk some misconceptions. A lot of men that have had a problem with periods before I met them generally had these problems because of some pretty crazy thoughts of what happened when a women was on her period. But definately finding out where his problems with this are sitting is going to be an important part of the process.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3426 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DaisyMazy
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I talked to him about it this weekend and it went pretty well. He had alot of misconceptions about periods (kind of like the ones I had when I first got mine, no swimming, don't go barefoot, don't take a bath, stand on your head to make it stop, kind of misconceptions.) Then I explained that It offended me that he was soooo grossed out by it. I also explained to him that although they suck for alot of people, for me and my spiritual thoughts they connect me to every other woman, and the tides, and the moon, and the rest of the world. After I explained exactly what happens when during menstruation, and that it's not an illness he explained to me that he just didn't know how I wanted to be treated when I was on. I thought he was just giving me my space and thats what I wanted. So thanks all, I think I just should have talked to him a while ago about this instead of just letting it make me angrier and angrier.
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Heather
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I just love a happy ending. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67924 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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