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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » orgasm woes: am i normal?

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Author Topic: orgasm woes: am i normal?
katerdid
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i've never had an orgasm during sex and even tho i get massive amounts of pleasure from sex, i just feel like i'm missing something. i know all the mechanics, the parts, etc, but i just can't seem to be able to climax.

i'm on birth control, but my boyfriend doesn't want to use condoms too, so we've decided (as an extra precautionary) to have him pull out when he cums. unfortunately, that means he prolly won't be able to have an orgasm while he's in me. he doesn't act like he minds too much, he says he's willing to wait til we're married (not for another 2-3yrs)for him to stay in for "the whole ride". Now, another sad thing about this is i've gotten to "the point" but we've had to stop before i climaxed. alittle disappointing, but i deal cuz i love the man and i really don't want a baby right now.

as for the parts: we've located my clitoris, but i just don't like it when he touches it. plus it's hidden pretty good under it's hood, so it's annoying to get to. is it normal for me to not like clitoris stimulation from his finger? cuz i'm climaxed before when his penis rubbed against it (but that only happened once soo...i dunno). also, i used to have orgasms all the time before we started having sex, when we well, had "dry sex". but now we don't do that anymore cuz we can do the real thing. and as for the g-spot, i like it but i never get an orgasm from stimulation there either.

also, i don't masturbate, so i can't get an orgasm from that like most of the advice i've read says. it's not that i'm against it or anything, it's just not for me. i tried once, but i felt stupid and icky and yeah. just couldn't relax and get into it. plus i have a tendency to think too much, so that doesn't bode well for that sort of thing.

so yeah. too many details, sorry, but i'm getting frustrated! please help.

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Not all those who wander are lost

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Leabug
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Well, you say you've orgasmed before, so we can rule out any kind of physical ailment.

Do keep in mind that many women do not orgasm from penis-in-vagina intercourse- we actually have very few nerve endings past the first couple of inches in our vaginas. It's not unusual if you simply don't experience orgasm from this.

But we can take a look at a couple of other things here. You say that you tend to think too much during attempts to masturbate- do you have the same thing happening during intercourse? If you're distracted or analysing things, that may hold you back from orgasm.

Too, if you're on birth control, he doesn't need to withdraw- is it possible you're also getting distracted by worrying about this? You did say that you've gotten close but he's had to stop to withdraw. The pill is already pretty efficient at protecting you, so adding a lower-efficacy method like withdrawal really doesn't help make things more safe, if that makes sense. (Just curious, too, why would being married make you worry less about this? You're protected from pregnancy by your pill, not by marriage, if you get my drift. [Smile] )

And finally, I have a couple of suggestions about clitoral stimulation. You say you enjoyed dry sex and once reached orgasm from his penis rubbing it- have you ever tried to do indirect clitoral stimulation with his hands? We can't really give out tips, so this may be a little vague, but there's no need to actually directly touch your clitoris, if that feels uncomfortable. Many people don't like the clitoris touched directly.

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Lea

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katerdid
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That might be the problem. Cuz when i feel like i'm getting close i focus on getting an orgasm. It's really hard for me not to think too much about things. I'm an over-thinker, worry-wart kind of gal.I guess i have to work on that...prolly not just in relation to sex, but my whole life. I knew i needed to, it's very hard tho.

Yeah, i know that the pill is pretty effective, but i guess i'm just really scared about getting pregnant. Our parents don't know that we're no longer virgins, and a baby would pretty much ruin my life plan. (plus i'm only 18!) However, if we were married, it won't be such a life ruiner if i were pregnant. anyways...

um...indirect? uh...i totally don't get that...i'm sorry. i know you can't tell me too. perhaps i'll google that one. Or maybe my man will know more than me?

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Not all those who wander are lost

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Leabug
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Well, let me try explaining that again- it sounded to me like you were literally touching your clitoris directly, since you said it was tough to get to due to your clitoral hood. And many people find direct touching like that uncomfortable- I know I do, personally. You could try instead touching it indirectly- ie, through your clitoral hood, for example, or through a layer of fabric (that's likely what caused you to orgasm via dry sex), if that makes more sense.

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Lea

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LollySocks
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What's dry sex?

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break down, rebuild, repeat.

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-Lauren-
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Additionally, katerdidit, I'm wondering if the pressure to have sex in the ways you're describing might not be accounting for some of this.

I'm not talking about your boyfriend expressly, but the wording you're using, such as him preferring to withdraw instead of using condoms (which by the way, enable one to stay in for the whole ride!) and even more so, saying that you dropped dry sex, the only activity I can tell so far that DID feel satisfying for you, because you now have "the real thing".

It's seeming to me (and please correct me if I'm off-base with any of this or you don't feel the same way, I'm only calling things as I see them from a couple posts!) that you and your partner are placing too much emphasis on PIV intercourse, and not really acknowledging that other activities are just as "real" forms of sex. It can be hard to get out of that headspace, but think of the way all those terms end.. oral "sex", dry "sex", manual "sex".. but then, all the sudden, talk about penis-in-vagina and it's the only "real" type!

So, maybe you could have a talk with your partner about going back to what worked? :)

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katerdid
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ah, i understand.

no, i don't think it's so much the emphasis. i give him oral and recently (after some hinting and talking about it) he's doing the same for me. we also still engage in manual sex -- he knows how much i like it and visa versa. however, since he figured out that i have a high libido he seems to think that he can skip most of the foreplay we used to do and so we never the dry sex thing. you're right. i will talk to him some more.

also, i don't really understand his fear of condoms. i asked him about it before, but he never gives a straight answer. so tonight i told him y'all think that my birth control should cover everything. so, he decided to stay in for it. but right after he stopped and said it just felt wrong (not physically, but mentally/morally-ish). then he asked if i could wash it out....ugh. i guess he won't be doing that again.

but the not thinking about things too much does work. i didn't orgasm, but it felt so good i was shaking, i couldn't stand, and for some reason starting laughing and crying randomly...i dunno. he thought it was funny and more of a turn-on, so w/e.

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Not all those who wander are lost

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-Lauren-
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so, he decided to stay in for it. but right after he stopped and said it just felt wrong (not physically, but mentally/morally-ish). then he asked if i could wash it out....ugh. i guess he won't be doing that again.

Err, if he has a mental/moral obligation against ejaculating inside you, condom usage absolutely takes care of that. Douches are not good for the vaginal environment, so that as a mess management method is definitely out!

I'd personally think it's a lot more fun to use a condom than panic and withdraw during what should be a really awesome experience, doesn't he? You'd think so since he looks forward to "staying in the whole ride" in his words!

If at anytime you change your mind, be that not feeling awesome about withdrawal or simply not wanting a huge mess, a good trick is to non-verbally hand over a condom, or even break in out and put it on yourself. Wordless actions give an air of "This is how it's gonna be". ;)

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Leabug
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(Just to be clear, too, never ever try to wash out the inside of your vagina. Douching leads to all sorts of trouble because it disturbs the balance of bacteria in your vagina, and can push bacteria up past the cervix.)

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Lea

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katerdid
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true. i mean it's not so bad withdrawing, there's no panic cuz he knows exactly when it's gonna happen. but i do feel disappointed when it happens too early. and the mess is annoying at times. the thing is tho, with me buying the condoms...well...to be quite honest i have no experience with them and i frankly i don't know what size to get or anything.

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Not all those who wander are lost

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katerdid
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oh, i know. douching = bad. not only that, the idea of it just sounds not quite right. i like my bacteria up inside me [Smile]

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Not all those who wander are lost

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