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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Whats wrong with me

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Author Topic: Whats wrong with me
Airem
Activist
Member # 24638

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I have said a lot on these forums without hesitation or fear of ridicule but this is the first thing that i have had second thoughts on. Partly because i'm afraid of what others will think and partly because i don't know how to explain it without sounding completely insane. After the thoughts i've had though i'm starting to wonder if i am now.

Ok so i have always been the nice guy by others description. The self sacrificing, sweet, and overall good guy. my mom leans on me for strength all the time and financial advice. Religion helps me get through tougher problems, really its just faith, not the religion itself.

I haven't really figured out what triggers it, but the past few months i have had vivid images of me commuting suicide, and it's not that i want to, i don't even feel depressed, but sometimes when i'm alone sitting on the couch watching tv i just "see" myself getting my .357 magnum and blowing my head off. The images are so extreme it can bring me to tears and i feel weak. Sometimes when i'm driving it kicks in and i just imagine running off the road or hitting the next car head on. As if this wasn't disturbing enough sometimes it involves my mom or my girlfriend or even my best friends. I just have images of brutally murdering them then turning the weapon on myself. Right after that it goes away and i have no more visions or thoughts of it!

I'm not a killer, i don't feel like i'm suicidal at all but these images are killing me one at a time and i have no idea how to get it to stop. So am i depressed and i don't know it? Ask me whatever you need to if you think it can help me in the long run. i just want these scenes in my head to stop because it scares the hell out of me.

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As The Shadow Follows The Body, As We Think, So We Become.

Posts: 157 | From: Athens, Texas, USA | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
eryn_smiles
Peer Ambassador
Member # 35643

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It doesnt sound to me that anything is wrong with you. Its common for people to have thoughts like these sometimes. But as you said, you're not thinking of acting on them, which is the main thing.

Sounds like these thoughts are pretty upsetting though and thats understandable. I was wondering whether anything triggered them or brought them on? What was happening for you when they first started? And what makes them worse?

If its really bothering you, perhaps you could talk to friends, family, your girlfriend or even someone more professional.

Take care

Posts: 1326 | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Guudy
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Member # 35761

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l guess its time for u to be religious n not just have faith......u should seek help from God or watever it is that u believe in n see wat happens next......if ur problem isn't solved after that then l suggest u seek professional help as eryn_smiles said
Posts: 11 | From: illinios | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Penwords
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Member # 34602

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You may wish to talk to a psychologist or a counselor, not because there is a possiblity that you are a danger to yourself or others, but because repeated, unwanted, and distressing thoughts about hurting self or others are often manifestations of OCD.

There's a thorough explanation of it in the book [u]Tormenting Thoughts and Secret Rituals: The Hidden Epidemic of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder[/u] by Ian Osborn, which I picked up last year. The images you're describing are almost word for word matches of the ones I remember him using as examples, which is why this post caught my eye.

A large majority of the people in the book who underwent some form of treatment or counseling were able to better cope with the senarios their brain was throwing at them. I'd suggest exploring that possibilitiy for yourself as well.

Posts: 24 | From: MI | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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