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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » confused.

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Author Topic: confused.
Member # 33458

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firstly im a guy.
these past 10 days i been having problems when having intercorse with gf. I never had these problems before...not even in my first sexual experience... I'm not sure if it's some kind of stress or if something is wrong with me. I loose erection while putting on a condom or exactly before penetrating incide my gf and also i feel like comming to quickly. I really don't know whats wrong with me. It makes me feel like i'm not a man when this happend last few times and makes me feel really bad...

Posts: 3 | From: malta | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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You know, in all things, our bodies sometimes have minds of our own: that's normal and that's human. So, it's not really wise to invest our gender identity in things like if our bodies always snap to with sexual function. having a body that acts like human bodies do -- unpredictably -- doesn't make anyone less of a man, woman or person.

One big thing that can happen a lot when someone has an experience where their body doesn't respond as they'd like sexually for the first time, is get freaked out, then keep worrying it'll happen the next time, and the next, and....lo and behold, that's often exactly what happens. It's pretty easy to psych ourselves out sexually in this way.

Remember that sex is a whole body activity: it's not just about a penis or just about anyone's genitals, it's about our whole bodies. So, sometimes when our genitals don't respond on cue, if we still want to be having some kind of sex, we just need to be creative and adaptable and relax about it. Without an erection, for instance, you can still give your partner oral sex, manual sex, massage, make out, the works. Your partner could still engage you with fellatio, with petting or massage, with rectal or perineal play, the works. So, it might help you out to try looking at times like these, odd as it may sound at first, as opportunities to expand your horizons a bit, rather than as losses.

And doing that will likely help your body respond better, to boot, because stressing out about it always makes it worse.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 33458

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ow that was a quick and helpful reply..thanks a lot! and keep up the good work on this website (Y)
Posts: 3 | From: malta | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 33487

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Perhaps give a **** ring a try? It'll help hold an erection, and I believe they also will help you from ejaculating quickly.

The only cautionary advice with them is not to wear one for more than 30 minutes. Otherwise, maybe give it a shot? You can even find ones that are made to stimulate a woman's clit during intercourse, and some that vibrate. (I've used the vibrating kind, before. From a woman's perspective, they're nice, though my partner didn't feel any different.)

Just a little something different you could look in to, if you feel like being experimental. [Smile]

Liberal Feminist Hippie

Posts: 22 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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For the record, it's quite common for putting a condom on to cause loss of erection, especially if you're not used to it.
Masturbation is all about getting to know your body before you're ready to have sex with a partner, so perhaps masturbating with a condom a few times to get used to it would help, in addition to the advice in the posts above.

In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I dont know what I am. I dont know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.

Posts: 1269 | From: London, UK | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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