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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » compliments

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Author Topic: compliments
splishysplash
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Member # 32875

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how to take them?
when someone says, you look amazing (someone = my boyfriend) i shy away from it.
do i say thanks, you too?
or thanks [Smile] or what? lol

Posts: 55 | From: miami | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DarkChild717
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Member # 139

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It's always a good rule to say, "thank you" when someone compliments you. [Smile]

It can be hard, though, if you're not used to it, to accept a compliment graciously. I know my mom, for example, has a very hard time.

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Caylin, Scarleteen Volunteer
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Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Really, it's only been over the last few years that I have accepted that "Are you high?" isn't the polite way to respond to a compliment. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Alice
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quote:
Originally posted by Heather:
Really, it's only been over the last few years that I have accepted that "Are you high?" isn't the polite way to respond to a compliment. [Smile]

Do you think that's just something that comes with age?

Because I will often reply with "what are you smoking?" or "well, I want some of whatever it is you're on."

I find myself quite hilarious, but I guess hilarious doesn't equal poite. Hmm.

To OP, I always try not to compliment the person back unless I really mean it, because it seems kind of fake, like "oh, you like my hair? Well.... (scan person up and down) your shoes are nice!"

Although if the person is a girl, you could say "your labia are pretty!" I think I'll try that one next time.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I've had to work at it with compliments, honestly. Just getting older didn't seem to fix anything for me.

I know I do have an easier time responding to compliments that are based on something I do or have done -- on my abilities, or talents or skills I have purposefully and activly cultivated, what have you, or on clothing I have chosen -- than on something that isn't up to me like what I look like, what my voice sounds like, etc.

I know that for me, some of it was just not liking to be put in any sort of spotlight. I'm very extroverted, but in some ways I'm very shy: I'd rather have sharp focus be on anyone but me, so in some ways, being complimented makes me want to retreat into myself.

But I've gotten pretty good at "Hey, thanks, that's really nice of you to notice!" or "Thank you: that's high priase coming from you," and the like these days.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Selkie
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I have a really hard time with compliments.. I was picked on ALOT when I was little, and these days whenever I'm offerd a compliment I really need to restrin myself from thinking they are insulting me in some way or another (about 1/3rd ARE still insults though... 'nother 1/3rd I'm unsure about)

Just say thank you whenever it happens, I know I do it even when someone is insulting me, it really throws them off track.

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"Fear is the mind-killer"
-Don't be afraid.

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dirtyMohair
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I'm a pretty negative person to myself on the inside more than out, and being picked on a lot [and as well as being uncomfortable alot], it's hard for me to take compliments also. Especially so when a person says it to me next to someone else who makes a comment, "really?"
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Surferchk07
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I suck at taking compliments...About my work its different though I tend to blush haha. But about myself I always just look at them like there crazy.

When I was a kid I would get mad at my family for telling me my hair looked nice today or something so now we have an inside joke of "oh Elizabeth you look so horrible *giggle*" and that basically means "You look good today" just because its one thing I can handle haha.

Pretty bad to have to diss yourself but I get really blushy and un comfortable when someone says something nice about me. Probably something to do with the years of verbal abuse or something. who knows.

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Elizabeth

"Peace is not the absence of war; it is a virtue; a state of mind; a disposition for benevolence; confidence; and justice." -Spinoza

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cool87
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I'm not good either at taking compliments at all. I often blush and don't quite know what to say. I do say thanks but you know... It's not like I don't like being complimented, it's just that I don't think I always deserve the compliments as much as they think they apply to me, you know what I mean ? Self-esteem issues stuff I guess.

Some people I know know that I don't like being complimented too much so they usually avoids giving me too much compliments.

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feefiefofemme
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I think the hardest thing about accepting compliments is stopping after you say thank you. When someone complimented me, I used to (and still do sometimes, but not nearly as frequently) thank them, and then proceed to tell them all the reasons why they actually shouldn't have bothered complimenting me at all. A little skit, for example purposes:

Person: Hey, I loved your hook for your essay!
Me: Thanks. I wasn't really that happy with it though. I pretty much just BSd it. The idea might have been okay, but the way I phrased it wasn't very good.

Or, even worse:

Person: That shirt is really cute!
Me: Ha! You think so? Well. It doesn't actually fit me that well. And I don't even like this colour, I pretty much just wore it because it was the only thing I had clean. But thank's anyways, I guess...

It also took me some work to get away from the obligatory return compliments. Though I often try to work a small, sincere compliment into the conversation a little bit later, as a subtle little "thank you", I try to never compliment someone directly after they compliment me. It's just so false.

Really the best response to a compliment is a sincere "Thank you", said with enthusiasm more or less equal to that of the compliment. Other acceptable variants include: "Wow, thanks", "That's so sweet of you, thank you so much", "Thank you, that means a lot to me coming from you", or the equivalent of thank you in the non-English language of your choice.

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Ecofem
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I think a point to bring up regarding replies to comments is this: When you deflect someone's compliment (assuming it was an appropriate one), you're not just putting yourself down but insulting their taste, too. It may have been a boring old shirt to you/your least favorite work to date/your second choice college, but it means enough to them to compliment you on it. [Smile]
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