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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » I don't know how to handle it

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Author Topic: I don't know how to handle it
laur12
Neophyte
Member # 32691

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I never used to be really self concious about my body and the way I looked. But this year, things have changed. My older sister told me that she was talking to her guy friend and he would say things like "you can't find her(my) boobs on a map" or "her brother's boobs are bigger then hers." She also told me that I look like a boy (because of the way my body is). What other people say to me just gets me down so much. I just go into my room and cry for hours sometimes. I'm so self conscious about my weight now. Random people I don't even know feel they have the right to comment on it. Like "oh my god look she is SOO skinny oh my god!" or "That girl is anorexic." I just think like, this is how I'm built, why do people feel they have the right to say things about it? And I'm telling you, SO many people point it out to me. I'm so sick of it, I didn't have these body issues before. I never had a big problem with the way I looked, I thought I was decent. But its like when other people say things about it, it makes myself feel that way too. I just keep all my concerns to myself for the most part, there is no one I can really talk to about this. I don't know what to do, I can't stand the way people just feel free to make their remarks about how I look.
Posts: 22 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I think it's important to really recognize that the problem isn't your body here.

In other words, no matter what your body was like, there would still be a problem with the way other people are talking to you about it: THAT is the problem.

So, time to address that. For instance, sounds to me like your sister needs to be told that it isn't okay to talk about someone's body the way she is, and to talk to you about your body the way that she is. Again, this isn't about you: it's about HER behaviour, her words, and how dogging other people's bodies -- and/or making them feel bad, likely to lift herself up -- isn't acceptable, supportive behaviour.

Same goes for the random people. You might want to practice some words to tell them about how it isn't okay to talk about you or other people like objects, and about how it's profoundly uncool to cirticize someone else's body. And why most people do it is in a backwards attmept to boost their own esteem, or to make them forget about their negative feelings about their bodies.

This isn't just you, if it's any consolation. This is a pretty serious cultural problem we have with objectifcation made manifest, and everyone needs to work on it, because it's very much harming people.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
akaChrys
Neophyte
Member # 32107

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Heather has some very good points!

But I also just wanted to tell you that I also get the whole "omg your so skinny" thing allll the time, and Im naturally skinny. So your not alone here.
Most people dont know that it hurts our feelings, and that we take like in insult more then a compliment. These days when someone says that, ill shrug and go, "Yeah I know, but I cant help it." And not let it get to me either, as much as it used to.

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Id rather be hated for who Iam, then loved for who Im not.

Posts: 17 | From: Michigan | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ciara
Neophyte
Member # 33032

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I was made just the same as you and people have always and are still teasing me about it. You know what though, its just the way our bodies are. Sweerheart, stand in front of a mirror everyday at least once and say ten nice things about yourself, not just your body, but what's inside too. I did this, still do, and now when I stand in front of the same mirror I can find a hundred things I like about me not just ten. And my mom always says that people who say things like that just say them because they are jealous and it makes them feel better to put others down. Just like Heather said. You were made just the way you are, and since you are the only you, you were made perfect, the perfect you. If that makes sense. Try not to let others get you down sweetie, and remember that we, all women, are beautiful.

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Loving Life, Riding the road. Mitakuye Oyasin!

Posts: 15 | From: Rome Ga | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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