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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Condom Use Role Play

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Author Topic: Condom Use Role Play
Heather
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For the sake of whomever thinks it may be valuable to them, I'd like to open a thread where we can engage in a little role play. Really, we should do more of these anyway, but this one is on my mind so I'd like to start with it.

Here's the scenario, and this one's for the girls with male partners. It's a classic.

You're with a male partner, you're going to have intercourse. He knows you're not using a hormonal birth control method, and that for right now, what's available to you both is what you can get over the counter. Knowing that condoms are your only reliable option there, that's what you'd like to use.

So, he initiates sex, but isn't pulling out a condom. You explain that you'll need a condom to has sex. Then he says,

"I don't like how condoms feel,"

OR

"Condoms don't fit me,"

OR

"We just don't need it this time, do we?"

So, next, you say......?

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masterbio
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I say "fine we wont have sex until then." haha
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cool87
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I'd say...

''But *I* do feel the need to use one. It might not matter to you but it does matter to me and I'm just not going to have sex if we don't use one. ''

[ 03-04-2007, 06:39 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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LucysDiamonds
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"I don't like how condoms feel."
-> "Have you ever worn one? They really don't decrease sensation much, if at all, and we're going to use lube anyway so that'll help with the feeling."

"Condoms don't fit me,"
->"Sure they do. Here, try this one on."

"We just don't need it this time, do we?"
->"Yes, actually, we do, and I'm not going to have sex with you unless we're using one."

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-Lauren-
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"I don't like how condoms feel"

I can help with that [Wink] . Besides, if we use a condom I'll feel more relaxed and comfortable, so I'll be able to really focus on us and make it good.

"They don't fit me."

Wanna put this off until tomorrow? We can go buy lots of different types and have tons of fun trying them out.

"We just don't need it this time, do we?"

It only takes once to get pregnant, and it only takes one instance of disregard for my health to prove you're not a mature lover.

[ 03-04-2007, 06:48 PM: Message edited by: Miss Lauren ]

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Ecofem
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OK, I wanted to have a go... my answers are a bit smart alec-y or in the vein of tough ****. I hope it's appropriate. [Wink]

"I don't like how condoms feel"
Hmmm, but do you like how STIs feel? Uh, did you miss the lecture on safer sex? Have you not had sex before/only had unprotected sex before, because they're essential and the only way to go. (Or: Do you maybe have a latex allergy? We can look into alternatives.)

"They don't fit me."
Yeah right. (Ha!) What brands have you tried out? If this truly doesn't fit, we can look into getting some other stuff later and stick to other activities for now.

"We just don't need it this time, do we?"
Well, you may not need it, but I do, so we do, if you want to have sex with me.

Condom usage in such a situation is non-negogitable for me; their choice is either to have safer sex or no sex with me. It's not just about safety, but caring for oneself and sexual partners. I'd like to think future partners are also informed of safer sex practices and not trying to pull one over. Thankfully, I feel confident in stating and sticking to my boundaries. I think it can be harder though when first becoming sexually active and/or getting comfortable with your sexuality.

[ 03-04-2007, 08:14 PM: Message edited by: Ecofem ]

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Heather
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Let me try a few comebacks to some of these responses and see how that goes, okay?

quote:
"I don't like how condoms feel"
Hmmm, but do you like how STIs feel? Uh, did you miss the lecture on safer sex? Have you not had sex before/only had unprotected sex before, because they're essential and the only way to go.

I wouldn't know: I don't have an STI, and everyone I've slept with is clean. Do YOU have an STI?

quote:
"We just don't need it this time, do we?"

It only takes once to get pregnant, and it only takes one instance of disregard for my health to prove you're not a mature lover.

Well, I've gone without condoms lots of times and no one has ever gotten pregnant. What if I just don't want a condom between us? I want us to be closer than that.

quote:
"I don't like how condoms feel."
-> "Have you ever worn one? They really don't decrease sensation much, if at all, and we're going to use lube anyway so that'll help with the feeling."

They do for me. I can't feel ANYTHING. And I don't want to use lube.

quote:
"We just don't need it this time, do we?"
->"Yes, actually, we do, and I'm not going to have sex with you unless we're using one."

Well, other girls will.

One thing I'd also ask about is this: for those to whom the response -- and an awesome one it is -- is that until a condom is used, they won't have sex, CAN you hold out on that? In other words, can you live those words? if so, want to share advice with others who have struggles with that to help them out?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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cool87
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I wouldn't know: I don't have an STI, and everyone I've slept with is clean. Do YOU have an STI?

How do you know you don't have an STD ? Have you been tested twice for it and were your two testings both clean ? And when was that last time you went ?

And how can you know for sure everyone you slept with are STD clean ? Did they both get tested twice too and were negative too, all of them and were in a totally monogamous relationship with you ?

Since I'm not sure of all those things and I'm not particularly inclined to end up with an STD, I am not willing to take that risk. So condom is the way to go for me until we both get tested and know for sure we're both STD free.

Well, I've gone without condoms lots of times and no one has ever gotten pregnant. What if I just don't want a condom between us? I want us to be closer than that.

What if I just don't want an STD or baby between us ? Because no one has ever gotten pregnant yet doesn't mean no one will ever. How would babies comes to this world then if pregnancy never occured ?

They do for me. I can't feel ANYTHING. And I don't want to use lube.

Maybe then you've got a neurological or psychological problem which we verify with your doc. (joking)

Condoms aren't supposed to decrease sensation this much, even less so when we carefully choose thinner ones. And there are all sort of condoms on the market, I can't believe there's no even at least one condom you will like.

And why don't you want to use lube ? Any reason in particular ? Have you already tried it at least ? Things does feel smoother for me and I don't know why it wouldn't for you too.

Well, other girls will.

Well, I'm not like other girls. I am MYSELF. And if you don't like me for who I am, then it might be wiser to go find one of those girls than stick around.


As for your last question, I don't have any problems at all saying things like that and that's exactly what I would say to a partner : something like ''no condoms, no sex, period. You either take it or leave it.'' When it comes to safer sex for me, it's REALLY important my partner is up for it. [Smile]

What I have a bit more problems with is when a partner plays with my feelings.

[ 03-05-2007, 01:29 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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mizchastain
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Ooh, I'm trying comebacks to the comebacks ...

quote:
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I don't like how condoms feel"
Hmmm, but do you like how STIs feel? Uh, did you miss the lecture on safer sex? Have you not had sex before/only had unprotected sex before, because they're essential and the only way to go.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wouldn't know: I don't have an STI, and everyone I've slept with is clean. Do YOU have an STI?

"As far as you know."

Probably not a good idea to actually say that if you think he's likely to gossip, but I'd like to see his face when I said it. In real life it's probably better to say "Are you sure? When was the last time you were tested? People have been known to lie, and some of the worse diseases show no symptoms for a long time."

quote:
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"We just don't need it this time, do we?"

It only takes once to get pregnant, and it only takes one instance of disregard for my health to prove you're not a mature lover.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, I've gone without condoms lots of times and no one has ever gotten pregnant. What if I just don't want a condom between us? I want us to be closer than that.

"If you keep playing the odds, the number comes up eventually, and you're not the one who'll be pregnant. And if you don't use it, we'll be several miles further apart, because I'll be going home/kicking you out (depending on where we are)."

quote:
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"We just don't need it this time, do we?"
->"Yes, actually, we do, and I'm not going to have sex with you unless we're using one."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, other girls will.

"Then go find one of these other girls, and I'll go find myself a boy who cares about both our health."

I sincerely doubt I'll ever need to use these myself because I'm celibate and planning to remain so for various reasons, but it's fun to think through the scenario just in case.

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Heather
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(It's also often helpful just to write or say things like this, because it can help everyone feel a bit more comfortable doing so if and when the situation does come up.

I'll be frank: when it comes to condom use, I've really hever had any big problems with this, and I think that while some of that is that I always have some myself, so I can just hold one out, which seems to solve any problems in advance, I also AM perfectly comfy saying things like this. For someone who isn't even just seeing that other people are, reading the responses, can be a big help.)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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ladydexter
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Ah, what the hey. I'm a sarcastic soul too and I don't suffer people who don't accept my boundaries so my answers are probably going to be snarky too.

quote:
"I don't like how condoms feel"
Hmmm, but do you like how STIs feel? Uh, did you miss the lecture on safer sex? Have you not had sex before/only had unprotected sex before, because they're essential and the only way to go.

I wouldn't know: I don't have an STI, and everyone I've slept with is clean. Do YOU have an STI?

No, I don't, and I can prove it [at which point we pull out the test results]. Can YOU prove you don't have anything?

[and in the event that they can:] STI's aren't the only thing that can come from unprotected sex, you know. It takes one time to get pregnant. I don't want a child - and if you don't want to use a condom I certainly don't want one with YOU.

quote:
"We just don't need it this time, do we?"

It only takes once to get pregnant, and it only takes one instance of disregard for my health to prove you're not a mature lover.

Well, I've gone without condoms lots of times and no one has ever gotten pregnant. What if I just don't want a condom between us? I want us to be closer than that.

Good for you. Just because no one else has doesn't mean I won't. And if you want to be "close" with me, you'd respect my wishes.

quote:
"I don't like how condoms feel."
-> "Have you ever worn one? They really don't decrease sensation much, if at all, and we're going to use lube anyway so that'll help with the feeling."

They do for me. I can't feel ANYTHING. And I don't want to use lube.

Then I don't want to have sex with you. If you don't want to use lube for MY comfort then you're not the kind of person I want to be having sex with. As for not feeling anything, then we get different types and try them. You're using a condom before you even get NEAR me, so you may as well find ones that work for you. If none of them do, too bad, no sex.

quote:
"We just don't need it this time, do we?"
->"Yes, actually, we do, and I'm not going to have sex with you unless we're using one."

Well, other girls will.

Then go find another girl. If you want to screw someone else because I won't do what you want, I'm better off without you. There's the door, and all that.

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-Lauren-
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(This deserves a bump!)

I'll play the pushy lover, and try to cater to both genders. [Smile]

Why can't you just trust me?

Why do you want to put a barrier between us? Don't you love me and want to feel it all?

We don't need lube, babe! Are you trying to say I don't turn you on enough?

A dental dam for oral?! So what, I'm disgusting?

I don't want you to wear a condom for our first time; how unromantic!

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cool87
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Why can't you just trust me ?

It's not a matter of trusting you or not. It's a matter of having safe sex. Some guys don't have the time to withdraw before they ejaculate and those like you who are said to be able to could still pre-ejaculate WITHOUT knowing it (it often goes unnoticed !) and this create a pregnancy risk, which I'm just not willing to take.

It's also a matter of making myself more at a peace of mind so I can enjoy sex better and don't have to worry all along about pregnancy risks. Don't you want sex to be as best as it can be babe ?

Why do you want to put a barrier between us ? Don't you love me and want to feel it all ?
I want to put a barrier so we can both protect ourselves from STDs and pregnancy. Plus, we could totally choose thinner condoms, so that sensations wouldn't be decreased much.

We don't need lube, babe ! Are you trying to say I don't turn you on enough ?

Nope. You do turn me on a lot. BUT often, women's own lubrication isn't enough, it's a fact. I could lend you some articles about that for you to read babe if you want. Plus, it just helps in making things even more smoother. Don't you like that ?

A dental dam for oral ?! So what, I'm disgusting ?
No, you're not. I suggested a dental dam to protect myself against possible STDs, not because I think your saliva is disgusting.

I don't want to wear a condom for our first time. How unromantic !

There is enough things to worry about per our first time, that we really don't need to add pregnancy risks on top of that. Plus, not using a condom could be total arousal inhibitory for me, so I'm not sure we would be able to have intercourse since I won't be aroused enough.

[ 05-02-2007, 10:50 AM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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pyro_angel
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I love this! Yet, I can never imagine spending more than 10 minutes with a guy who thinks this way. If I don't know him well enough to know he's going to be safe, respect me, and use protection, then why am I sleeping with him? That's how I see it, but I'm still with my first sexual partner, so what do i know? [Smile]
Basically, my answer to ANYTHING is to simply pack up my equipment and leave, with the "I'm taking my ball, and I'm going HOME!" comment..

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Courtenay

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Wise Janet Weiss
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Why do you want to put a barrier between us ? Don't you love me and want to feel it all ?
I don't want a barrier between us, I want a bullet proof wall between us and pregnancy/STDs.

We don't need lube, babe ! Are you trying to say I don't turn you on enough ?
You do turn me on, but without lube, things can get really uncomfortable.

A dental dam for oral ?! So what, I'm disgusting ?
(Guessing, but what is a dental dam?)


I don't want to wear a condom for our first time. How unromantic !
Think of how unromantic it'll be with an STD or surprise pregnancy.

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-Lauren-
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Here's an excellent script from the PP page on condom use (http://www.plannedparenthood.org/birth-control-pregnancy/birth-control/condom.htm)

Sample Script for Safer Sex

If Your Partner Says: What's that?
You Can Say: A condom, baby.

If Your Partner Says: What for?
You Can Say: To use when we're making love.

If Your Partner Says: I don't like using them.
You Can Say: Why not?

If Your Partner Says: It doesn't feel as good with a rubber.
You Can Say: I'll feel more relaxed. If I'm more relaxed, I can make it feel better for you.

If Your Partner Says: But we've never used a condom before.
You Can Say: I don't want to take any more risks.

If Your Partner Says: Rubbers are gross.
You Can Say: Being pregnant when I don't want to be is worse. So is getting AIDS.

If Your Partner Says: Don't you trust me?
You Can Say: Trust isn't the point. People carry sexually transmitted infections without knowing it.


If Your Partner Says: I'll pull out in time.
You Can Say: Women can get pregnant from pre-cum. It can also carry sexually transmitted infections.

If Your Partner Says: I thought you said using condoms made you feel cheap.
You Can Say: I decided to face facts. I like having sex, and I want to stay healthy and happy.

If Your Partner Says: Rubbers aren't romantic.
You Can Say: Making love and protecting each other's health sounds romantic enough to me.

If Your Partner Says: Let's face it. Making love with a rubber on is like taking a shower with a raincoat on.
You Can Say: Well, doing it without a rubber is playing Russian roulette.

If Your Partner Says: It just isn't as sensitive.
You Can Say: With a condom you might last even longer, and that'll make up for it.

If Your Partner Says: I don't stay hard when I put on a condom.
You Can Say: I can do something about that.

If Your Partner Says: Putting it on interrupts everything.
You Can Say: Not if I help put it on.

If Your Partner Says: But I love you.
You Can Say: Then you'll help me protect myself.

If Your Partner Says: I guess you don't really love me.
You Can Say:I'm not going to "prove my love" by risking my life.

If Your Partner Says: I'm not using a rubber, no matter what.
You Can Say: Well, then I guess we're not having sex.

If You Are a Virgin and Have Decided to Have Sex and Want to Use a Condom and Your Partner Says: Just this once without it. Just the first time.

You Can Say: It only takes once to get pregnant. It only takes once to get a sexually transmitted infection. It only takes once to get AIDS.

So, what do you guys think? [Smile]

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Beppie
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Great responses there, though I'd also like to point out that if your partner is pulling "I guess you don't really love me" or "Don't you want us to be close" lines on you, then that indicates that there are some serious manipulation issues going on, and I'd recommend reconsidering not only having sex with this person, but also the whole relationship, regardless of whether they eventually agree to use a condom or not.
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