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Author Topic: weird self esteem issue
laur12
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Member # 32691

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Is this normal? When I am by myself just in my house looking in the mirror or something, I feel really pretty. However, when I'm with my friends or out pretty much anywhere in public I often feel extremely ugly because I compare my looks to everyone around me. I look very different from most people. I am SUPER skinny, like 5'8 and just have kind of weird features. I don't know, right now I'm looking in the mirror next to me and I think I look really pretty right now. But, for example, today at school I just felt so ugly looking at everyone else and then myself. Why do I feel like this!? Is this normal ? Is there anything I can do to make me stop just comparing my looks to everyone else!?
Posts: 22 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Sorry this wasn't found until now, laur.

I think you've stated the propblem pretty clearly right in here: it arises from you comparing yourself to others physically, and pitting yourself in competition with others in this way.

And you're hardly the frist person with that problem. LOADS of people get sucked into that trap, especially women, as there is so much cultural pressure and so many messages that tell us we ARE in some sort of living beauty contest, and we should compare ourselves in that way.

So, what can you do to stop that? There are a lot of creative ways to work on this. One might be to find more productive, healthier kinds of competition that are better for everyone, where the competition is meaningful, empowering and about real effort, not genetics: academic or arts competitions, for instance.

Another might be to just develop some sort of mantra for yourself that you get in the habit of saying when you feel yourself start to do that. Something as simple was "We are all beautiful in a million different ways," or "We are not each other's mirros," or "Our differences make us who we are."

You might also want to make sure that what focus you put on how you (and others) look in your life is a balanced one. For instance, do your dreams, goals, achievements, academics, creative drives, friends, family, pets, chores, health, you name it ALSO get equal play? Sometimes, if we're already overfocusing on how we look, rather than focusing on ALL that we are and all the aspects of our lives, it can get easier to get sucked into these traps.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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laur12
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Thank you for that great list of advice to get myself out of this habbit. I thought I was one of the only few to be stuck in this trap, it is very reassuring to know that I am not alone. I'm deffinetly going to try saying something to myself when I start comparing myself to others. Basically, I want to put more focus on other aspects of life right now. Thank you again!
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Of course. [Smile] And if you come up with more creative solutions you find work out for you, by all means, come back and post'em! Really, plenty of other folks struggle with this.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67932 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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