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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » septate hymen...help!

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Author Topic: septate hymen...help!
Samy2410
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i recently had sex with my boyfriend for the first time..and i bled a whole lot..iwanted to know why there had been so much blood..so i grabbed a mirro and looked..i saw there was this band of tissue in crossing my opening...i had always known it was there..i just never thought about it much..it was torn and im guessing thats where theblood came from..i read abou this and found out i have a septate hymen..i desperately want to get rid of it...i talked to my mom about going to a gynecologist..but we just dont have the money...im afraid of having sex with my boyfriend again because he really freaked out about all the blood..even though it didnt hurt much..there was a lot of blood...i feel like a mutant or something..im really thinking about just snniping it...ive read about girls who just cut it with sterilized nail clippers and nothing bad happened..and i figure..if i have sex again..it will probably just end up tearing more violently..so my question is..if i do just snip it..what could i do to decrease the pain and prevent infections??..i know your first advice is going to be to leave it alone and go to a doctor..but my mom truly cant afford it..and she travels constantly because of her work so shes never here anyways... i really want this over with
Posts: 14 | From: Panama | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Actually, it's likely it won't tear at all.

Hymenal tissue is VERY flexible: I was just posting last week to someone else with this concern about a case where a woman gave BIRTH with a septate hymen and it was still INTACT after birth. That's a rarity, for sure, but that's just how flexible that tissue can be.

Don't do surgery on yourself: if you have zero money for OB/GYN care (which, FYI, is a good reason to wait to be sexually active period), you won't be able to get in there if you wind up with a staph infection, after all, and that could kill you. So, that'd just be a really dumb move.

If your boyfriend is this freaky about body fluids, including blood -- which one is going to see now and then when sleeping with women -- then he needs to either deal with that or hold off on sex with women until he can. In other words, this is really HIS issue, not yours.

On your end, your hymen WILL likely wear away over time, and isn't anything that needs immediate attention or surgery: hymenectomies in a case like this are entirely optional, not needed.

However, again, if you absolutely canot get sexual healthcare, I'd advise you wait on partnered sex until you can. Not being able to get in to treat common sexual infections, or address birth control or pregnancy concerns is a pretty big problem.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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Also, was your partner being gentle? Were you highly aroused when you had intercourse? Using lubricant as needed?

Because if not, it's possible THAT was the cause of the bleeding.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Samy2410
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he was very gentle..it was actually a lovely experience..he didnt really freak out on me..more like he was worried about me..he thought he had seriously hurt me or something..it just tore a little and all other body fluids sortof mixed with the blood..making it look like more than it was...because i didnt really feel much pain..only at first..i guess thats when it tore....im just scared that if we do have sex again it will tear horribly..i figured if i just snipped it it would end up hurtg less and would heal faster..
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Heather
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I really can't advise you enough not to do that yourself. You don't have the know-how or the sterile instruments and environment a doctor does.

How about instead, just talking to your partner about blood sometimes being an issue?

And how about -- if you want to have sex again, though again, I'd really advise you don't do that until you have sexual healthcare available -- you be sure to be very aroused before intercourse, use plenty of lubricant, etc. Those things will prevent pain and any sort of tearing. You may still have some spotting from the gradual erosion of that tissue over time, but it should not be big-time bleeding when you're both just mindful about those things.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Samy2410
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i wont..i know its a stupid idea..i guess i just got scared..i dont really have anyone i can talk to about this..also..i forgot to mention..the real bleeding came the second time around..the first time there was barely any blood..but both times were on the same night..could that have anything to do with it?..also..im taking the pill...and ever since i started taking it..i dont produce much vaginal fluid..no matter how aroused i am..
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Heather
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...and you weren't making up for that with extra lubrication. meaning right there alone, you were likely dealing with abrasions from friction.

If you weren't very highly sexually aroused on top of that, all the more.

This is what I'm talking about when I ask about arousal, about using extra lubricant as needed, etc.

So yes: if you had intercourse twice in one night, without lubrication AND high levels of arousal, bleeding, tissue abrasion, is far more likely.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Samy2410
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ill talk to him about the extra lubrication..i just find it unusual..but what should i do about the hymen?..just leave it and see what happens?..i really scared about it tearing..also, doesnt it make it more dificult for his penis to enter?..because he told it had been a little painfull for him too
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Heather
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If y'all did not use lubrication when there was none, I'm not surprised it wasn't comfortable for either of you.

And there's nothing unusual about needing extra lube, especially if you're on ho0rmonal birth control.

For now, yes, I would just leave it. If you really want to have it removed, then put some energy into saving up yourself to see the GYN, especially since if you are going to be sexually active you NEED that healthcare regardless.

And no, septate hymens do not make entry that difficult: they're stretchy, so you can just slide it to the side with fingers as your partner enters.

But, sparing sounding like a broken record, and only one last time, I promise: if you cannot get basic sexual healthcare like STI screens, pap smears, a pelvic exam, the works, I would advise you wait for more sexual activity until you can, hymen or no hymen.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Samy2410
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youre right..and i know it..but since i am underage..and my mom is never around..its rather hard..she called last night and i told her about everything..we have a very open relationship..she was very suppotring..but when i asked her if we could go to the gyn when she got back..she gota all flustered and almost started crying saying that we just cant afford it and that i have to learn that things dont always have to be the way i want them and right when i want them and bla bla bla..i jus dont think she finds it very important..i think ive only heard of her going to the gyn once or twice before as well..id love to try and find a doctor for myself..i do have some money saved..but in my country,,being under 18 makes you completely attached to your parents..you cant even attend a doctors meeting without written consent at the very least..however ill be 18 in just a few weeks..ill figure out what to do..

i cant thank you enough for all your advice..its nice to be able to talk to someone with experience and so much knowledge!..im very gratefull!!

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Heather
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quote:
.she gota all flustered and almost started crying saying that we just cant afford it and that i have to learn that things dont always have to be the way i want them and right when i want them and bla bla bla..i jus dont think she finds it very important.
Mind, there is some wisdom in that. In other words, maybe you WANT sex now, but don't have what you need to manage it as safely and responsibly as is ideal, so maybe not having it right now would be sage.

Which is what I'm saying, too.

I hear, though, that it's extra frustrating in a system where you can't have autonomy with your healthcare: I can't imagine how frustrating that is.

And you're welcome. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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