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Author Topic: Stress
Monotonous
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Member # 29530

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Okay, it's getting around that time every month where I worry so much about pregnancy that I can't concentrate and I'm depressed and tired all the time.

I need to know how to let this not bother me so much.

I've read the Ready Or Not? checklist, and now we've cut down on sexual activity as a whole, and we don't have sex at all. It didn't help. Ever since this one time we had unprotected sex and my period was late, every month I worry and worry even if we didn't even touch each other.

I don't know how to deal with this. I try not to think about it. I found this place and posted questions about my two "risks" and was told there's no risk of pregnancy. It helps for a little while, but now I'm worried again. I don't want to be worried. This has taken a toll on our relationship, as I'm always worried and talking about pregnancy. The fact I haven't gotten an STI screening yet doesn't help. My grandmother keeps procrastinating on taking me, and now I'm going away for most of the week so I can't get it done.

Ever since my one real risk I've become scared of pregnancy not just in myself, but in other people. Images of fetuses in the womb terrify me. When anyone mentions a baby I get upset. This needs to stop.

I've taken up this habit of massaging my abdomen for anything different feeling, maybe an unknown mass in there, but I know it won't help, and I couldn't possibly feel a baby in there in the first month of pregnancy. I just have to do it. All the time. It doesn't make sense. I count how many times a day I pee and compare it to yesterday or the day before but I know I wouldn't be experiencing pregnancy symptoms like that yet.

My partner and I have vowed not to do anything at all from now on, because obviously just not having sex isn't enough to make me feel better.

The reason I get so scared is because I want to know as soon as possible when I'm pregnant before it's too late. Before I can get an abortion. But there's no one to take me, no where to go. I can't have a baby, I just can't. I wouldn't be able to see him again. My father would send me away.

Every time I get my period, ever since I can remember, my boobs have gotten sore at least 5 days beforehand, sometimes up to two weeks beforehand. My boobs aren't sore at all. I was supposed to get my period somewhere around July 9-16. I need to calm down but I don't know what to do. I can't get a pregnancy test on my own. I don't have a car, I don't have a friend who drives, there's no place in walking distance that wouldn't take so long as to make my family suspicious (they only let me walk a few blocks away from the house).

Forgive the messiness of this post, I'm just so upset and freaking out right now

Posts: 59 | From: United States | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dailicious
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Member # 22471

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Hon, this puts up huge signals to me that you really need to find someone to help you address these problems. Is there anywhere you could go to see a counselor or psychologist?

What you're explaining here, and I think you are aware of this, is incredibly unhealthy.

It's understandable for sexually active couples to have some stresses about pregnancy, and not being ablt to deal with those stresses is a good reason to STOP sexual activity, which you've done, so kudos to you for recognizing that!

But what you're experiencing so seriously beyond that is not normal stress, and I'm worried of what kind of toll it's taking on you now.

So start with this: what resources might you have access to to find someone professional to talk to?

--------------------
Jean
aka dailicious
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Posts: 3382 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Monotonous
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I'm so sorry for freaking out like that, dailicious. Recently I took up some mind games that I would play constantly when I wasn't busy, so I didn't think much about it. I got bored with it, and now I got into thinking about "what if"s again. Thanks so much for replying.

My father should be getting his insurance covered by his new job soon, and I've actually had plans for going to a psychiatrist for some severe OCD and depression.

The thing is, my family doesn't take it seriously because I don't ever act like anything's bothering me. If I can find someone covered by the insurance, however, I'm sure they'd let me go.

After I get my period, I always think it's going to be different, and I tell my grandmother I'll be fine. I do get a little stressed about things like diseases, but then I'm absolutely sure I'm fine and I can block it out. When the time for a period comes around again, I do all of this stuff all over again, and I'm never sure if I'm okay.

So, in short, I do have some resources on finding someone to talk to, it's just getting my family to take it seriously. I can't tell them about having a sort of sexual relationship, even if I know the "sexual" part will stop, because there must be some reason pregnancy scares me, right? They'd get very suspicious and ugh. I don't even want to think about what my father would say.

I'll talk to my grandmother again about getting a psychiatrist when I come back from visiting my other grandmother.

The more time I have to think, the more this stuff bothers me. [Frown] Do you have any other ideas on just... relaxing until I get to see someone? I think I'm going to take up some more exercise, which is good at relieving stress, but I'm tired all the time when I'm like this, it sucks. I'll try anyway.

Thanks again.

Posts: 59 | From: United States | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
samantha357
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maybe you could try to take up some arts and crafts? or if that bores you do u have any pets or siblings to play/hangout with? Relaxation from something like this comes in two forms :[that i can think of]

1) reasurance that your ok, which a phychiatrist or a gyno could give you

2) and not thinking about it

please do yourself a favor and find something to occupy your mind until you can see someone.

Best of wishes [Smile]

--------------------
"All is fair in love in war... wait... that doesn't sound right..."

The love you cant have lasts the longest, feels the strongest... & hurts the deepest

Posts: 81 | From: Oklahoma, USA | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Djuna
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I always relax with meditation. It's tricky to get the knack of but then you can do it anywhere, anytime.
First, prepare a comfortable place to lie. Not near the ceiling, and preferably not on your bed. But it must be flat and comfortable.
You have two main options:
1) Put some relaxing music on (I recommend piano - I've got this great CD of a guy called Einaudi that I use just for this), lie down and close your eyes. Concentrate on the music until you feel relaxed. Stay as long as you want. This can work for hours with a CD you really like.
2) Visualisation - this is harder but quicker and you can do it anywhere. Lie down (or if you're on a bus or something, just close your eyes). Picture in your mind the most beautiful place you can remember. I personally picture King's Park in Perth, but it must be somewhere you've been and can really remember. Gradually ease yourself into being there, complete with the warm breeze etc.
Whichever of these works for you, I hope this helps. [Smile]

--------------------
In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I dont know what I am. I dont know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.

Posts: 1269 | From: London, UK | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Beppie
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If you need to talk to someone, you can also do a Google search for any free counselling hotlines in your state-- it's not the same as seeing a counsellor face to face, but at least you'd get someone who will take your concerns seriously, and who is able to talk to you in real time.
Posts: 2710 | From: Australia | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Monotonous
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Thanks everyone for replying.

Samantha; I do make and alter clothing (I guess that's arts and crafts), and when you're trying to seam-rip every tiny thread to take off a sleeve, it takes a lot of concentration so that does help. I was just doing that a little bit ago and it helped take my mind off of things.

I do meditate, joe, but lately with worry I just can't. I was doing great with it, I almost got to stage 2, but then I started worrying again and I try to visualize something, a place, and then the thought of having a baby in my womb just makes its way in there. It's terrible because those kind of thoughts are really intrusive and I can't make them go away. Meditation was doing great for me until now, but maybe it's because I just focused on my breathing/the happy place and I didn't have music. You know what I really need? A massage...

Beppie, the hotlines would be a good idea but I'm sure they'll tell me what I already know. That's why I want to go to a psychiatrist, not a counsellor, because it's like I know what they'll say and they don't help. The last counsellor I was at was saying I have a chemical imbalance and I need medication blah blah blah and I told her over and over that I can handle it myself with a little help, but she insisted that meds were the only way. I'm not gonna end up taking medication for this, period. I really don't mean to sound rude, I'm sorry if I do, I just don't have good experiences with counsellors, and I don't trust hotlines. I'm scared that they'll say they're free and then bill my family for $50 a minute or something. A little paranoid maybe. I don't know...

Thank you so much everyone. Your support has made me feel a lot better.

Posts: 59 | From: United States | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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