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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Vaginismus

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Author Topic: Vaginismus
Zachs lil Lady26
Neophyte
Member # 28905

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My boyfriend and I are 17 and we've been together for 2 years and almost 9 months. We've shared everything together, from our very first kisses on. We've taken everything extremely slowly. We didn't even touch each other's um..private areas until we were together for 6 months. Pretty much the only thing we haven't done is have sex. I was always stuck on waiting until marriage because that's what my mom did and she has always taught me that that's the right thing to do. But the last month or so we have decided that we're ready to have sex.

Here's the problem. I'm too small. We've tried to, and it just won't go in. I can't use tampons either. It's not a lubrication problem, I'm just too small. I've gone to the gyno, and she said I have Vaginismus and I should just try to stretch it with my fingers, or there's the option of surgery. I absolutely can not bring myself to stretch it myself, but my boyfriend tries every once in a while, but it hurts like crazy and he feels bad. I'm at the point where I just want to get it over with. I'm sick of the pain. I feel like I'll never be able to enjoy sex.

Any help is greatly appreciated.

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Jamie & Zachary
September 26, 2003-forever

"She loved him like no one before and it was good to be alive."

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LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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You should not be having to stretch yourself with your fingers if that makes you uncomfortable. Personally, i've never really heard of using fingers for this ... I think women usually use dilators. Second of all, from the little i know of vaginismus, it's not just about stretching yourself out. There usually needs to be some sort of therapy included.

I would say you need a second opinion, at the very least. Ask around for a GYN that specializes in treating vaginismus -- This GYN doesn't sound like s/he's it.

As for enjoying sex, sex need not always (or ever) involve penetration. Experiment with things that are not painful for you and try not to pressure yourselves into penetrative sex if it's just not working for you right now.

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Nursing is a work of heart!
~ unknown

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I second what Smurf has said here: your GYN really didn't handle this well. It's possible she's just never dealth with a case of this before.

One thing she very much SHOULD have told you is that continuing to try and have intercourse, without both talk-therapy and the use of gradual dilators -- usually WORSENS vaginisumus.

So, do NOT keep trying to have intercourse. Find yourself a doctor who DOES treat vaginisumus cases, get a solid therapy assigned, and follow their advice.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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keekee
Activist
Member # 28826

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Heya Zachlillady26....

hun ... i dont know alot about this but ... it intrigued me ( so to speak) and i found a website dedicated to vagisimus

http://www.vaginismus.com/

or understanding it ... http://www.vaginismus.com/understanding_vaginismus/

which may help u ( hopes i dont get into trouble for sending weblinks )
anyways dont panic [Smile] it can be treated and there are specialists that can help you [Smile]
xxx keekee xxx

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Yes, know thyself: in great concerns or small, Be this thy care, for this, my friend, is all. - Juvenal

Abuse can and will only survive and thrive if silence is kept. So lets speak out?!

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Zachs lil Lady26
Neophyte
Member # 28905

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Thank you so much everyone!!

Let me explain the visit a little better. It was my first time to the gyno. She asked if there was anything that was bothering me, and I told her that I'm very small and can't even use tampons. She kind of did an exam, but didn't try to open me up with one of those things (I can't think of what they're called) but they like hold you open so they can see? She said I was too small and it would just hurt. So she got out some lubrication and inserted one of those long cotton swabs. Then she tried her pinky, which hurt, so she stopped.

She wanted a second opinion, so she called in another gynocologist (who was a very old man..who my mom has had before and really doesn't like..but anyways..) He tried to insert his finger, but it didn't work. So he went and got metal dilaters(?) of different sizes. He put lubrication on the smallest one, and inserted it fine. He tried various sizes (sometimes forgetting to lubricate them, causing lots of pain) until he got to one that was about the size of my pinky. While he was inserting them, the woman gyno was holding my hand. When he got to the one the size of my pinky, I was squeezing her hand really hard and crying because it hurt so bad. Finally, he pulled it out and told her to try to put her finger in. She did it as gently as possible, but I was crying and it hurt so much, so she pulled it out. She asked what to diagnose it as and he said "Oh, I don't know. You can just say she's small or say Vaginismus."

Then he left and the woman told me that I should come back in a month, and then again in 6 months. She said to try to stretch myself out using my fingers and she'd see if I made any progress the next month. She said that she had one girl who used to come in once a week to get stretched out. She also mentioned surgery.

I left after about 2 hours. The second I saw my mom in the waiting room I burst into tears. I told her everything that happened, so she held me for a while and we went and got lunch together.

Needless to say, I did not go back the next month. The six month point is July or August. I'm not looking forward to going back there, but I really want to get this fixed. I don't want another traumatic experience though. This stuff doesn't help my panic disorder/anxiety and I just want it to get better so I can feel normal.

By the way, a couple of days ago, my boyfriend was over and I asked him to try to put his finger in me. We're 100% comfortable with each other and he tries to help me as much as he can. He got his whole middle finger in, which is the best he's ever done. I was excited because it didn't hurt too bad. So I asked him to just try 2 fingers. Yeah...that didn't work quite so well. It hurt soo bad and I ended up in tears and he felt terrible.

I don't know what to do. Maybe I don't have Vaginismus, maybe it's something else. Do you think I should try to find another gynocologist to go to? One of the ones at the place I went to is my mom's absolute favorite, but he wasn't there the day I went. Should I try to go in and see him, or should I try somewhere else? I just don't know what to do anymore. This is really becoming a problem.

I'm sorry this was so long, but I thought I should describe the whole experience so you know the whole situation. Thank you so much to everyone for being so helpful. I really really appreciate it.

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Jamie & Zachary
September 26, 2003-forever

"She loved him like no one before and it was good to be alive."

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Beppie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 94

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If you're not comfortable with your gynecologist, then by all means, seek out another one. However, you also should be able to request an appointment with the doctor of your choosing. The advantage of this is that a doctor at the same GYN clinic will have access to the records from your last visit.

If you're worried that the doctor you didn't like last time (and from what you've said, he'd make my uncomfortable too), you could perhaps try to make an appointment on a day when he is not working, or simply request not to see him.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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One extra note: this should NOT be a ginormous problem.

Obviously, you want to get to the bottom of this, and obviously, in time, you'll want to find a solution.

But in the interim, tampon use is NOT necessary, and neither is intercourse or manual penetration. Those are just a couple kinds of sex of many, and often, not most women's most satisfying types of sex, given that the big majority of your most sensitive sensory nerve endings are NOT inside the vagina or vaginal opening.

So, again, do yourself a favor and stop having your boyfriend "try." That often does make vaginisumus worse in most cases, thus, making your problem harder to treat, not easier. Instead, cut yourself a break, engage in other activites (there are PLENTY), and put your energy into finding a GYN who HAS dealt with vagninismus, who is educated in the matter, and who will both diagnose and treat you properly. The doc that's your Mom's favorite: you can just call into the office and ask if he's treated vaginismus before. If he has not, you can ask him to refer you to a doctor who has.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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