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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » What The Hell Happened To Me?

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Author Topic: What The Hell Happened To Me?
Castaway
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This might take a while, mind you. But I might as well do this for my own safety:

I remember a LONG time ago, before I moved here, before I could even talk much and I was still in diapers, I could remember some of my memories. Calle me crazy, but I am what I am.

Anyways, I remember a lot of things going on in my life, I had a lot of people as friends to protect me, friends to hang around with...and there was a girl who I had things for. Call it "puppy love" if you will.

We had been living for about...4-5 years. Thats when all Hell broke loose since I had to move..which really broke my heart..and for 11 years I'd been living in..New York. No offense to the people who like it, but..it's a crappy place to live in. When I went to school I was insulted and made fun of. hell, I had to defend myself at times around 4th grade.

But anyway, later on when the hormones kicked in, I thought I'd might get a chance to have a girlfriend..yet I knew I was going to be dead wrong. This isn't really the important part yet..but this next part IS:

A month or so ago I talked to one of these people on the net and she said she knew that very same girl I knew a LONG, LONG time ago. So she gave me her info and how to talk to her, right? Well, she got on, we started talking to her..and..I told her I loved her..do you know what she said?

"I hate you...I F%$#king hate you." I was devastated and I cried my eyes out because it had been so long...and she even remembered me..but she claims it was my fault that I moved..I tried convincing her it was my parents...but she didn't listen. Now she's been going out with her boyfriend for three years. She said I was the reason this happened..she told me it was my fault for such..and I realized maybe it was me..and now I feel like crap and I don't know what to do in my life...

Posts: 89 | From: Somewhere in dreamland.... | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
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I'm a bit confused by your post. Are you saying you were about 4 or 5 years when you moved to New York? And you haven't seen this girl since then?

--------------------
"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it." - the Talmud

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Castaway
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Yep.
Posts: 89 | From: Somewhere in dreamland.... | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
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Well, it's clearly unreasonable of her to blame you for the move, then. Obviously, it wasn't your fault. Nor can you be responsible for who she's dating years later.

On the other hand, if you are contacting someone out of the blue after you last saw them when you were 4 or 5, announcing that you love them is going to be a big shock. It may make them feel very uncomfortable, or make them suspect that you have irrational expectations.

That might be why she reacted in such an extreme way.

--------------------
"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it." - the Talmud

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Castaway
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I know her better than that though. I knew she didn't give a damn one way or the other. All she did was shrug it off and then felt like she tore out my heart and squeezed it untill it stopped..
Posts: 89 | From: Somewhere in dreamland.... | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Summertime455
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I know it's gonna suck, but you guys have grown apart. If you haven't talked to her in such a long time, you should try not to freak out about this so much. Eventually, if you continue to talk to her on Instant Message, or whatever from of communication you use to chat with her, i bet if you try and give it some honest effort you two can become friends again, and mabey more someday when she dosen't have a boyfriend. Also it is quite unrealistic for you to claim your undying love to a girl you haven't seen in many many years. Just continue to talk to her, and see where that leads. You never know, you could find a really really good friend, if nothing else comes of it.
[Smile]

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Beppie
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I'm just wondering how you can "know her better than that" when you haven't seen her since you were five years old? ANYONE can change a lot in eleven years, and when those eleven years take you from being a small child to being in mid-late adolescence.

I also have to say that I agree with Logic_grrl that ringing someone out of the blue to say that you love them is pretty confronting, and to tell you the truth, if the same thing happenned to me, I'd be more than a little freaked out. It sounds like her reaction was more one of shock, rather than something well thought out. I don't know anyone who would actually blame a 5 year old for moving away, but I know plenty of people who'd react in shock when getting such a phone call out of the blue.

If you feel that this contact with this girl is worth pursuing, I think the best thing to do is to write her a letter explaining your phone call in a non-confronting way (ie, not pressuring her for declarations of love, or immediate friendship, nor blaming her for her reaction), and then let HER initiate any further contact. If she does not do so, then accept that it is her choice.

Honestly, if you are experiencing this much anguish, combined with the trouble you're having making friends, your best option might be to seek out counselling. I was pretty isolated during my own school years-- and I did find it helpful to talk to a cool school support worker (sort of like a counsellor). I also learned that it's important not to develop huge expectations regrading other people, when those expectations are based more on imagination then reality.

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Castaway
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quote:
Originally posted by Summertime455:
I know it's gonna suck, but you guys have grown apart. If you haven't talked to her in such a long time, you should try not to freak out about this so much. Eventually, if you continue to talk to her on Instant Message, or whatever from of communication you use to chat with her, i bet if you try and give it some honest effort you two can become friends again, and mabey more someday when she dosen't have a boyfriend. Also it is quite unrealistic for you to claim your undying love to a girl you haven't seen in many many years. Just continue to talk to her, and see where that leads. You never know, you could find a really really good friend, if nothing else comes of it.
[Smile]

I don't know if I should...she's just being a REAL pain in my *** and no offense...but she can go **** herself. I don't EVER feel like talking to her again. I'll just die as a loner with no one.
Posts: 89 | From: Somewhere in dreamland.... | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
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You know, the fact that you're reacting to one girl's rejection by announcing that you're going to "die as a loner with no-one" says pretty clearly that you're not viewing this rationally right now.

You seem to be in a very extreme state, announcing that you love this girl (and really, as Beppie's said, if you last saw her when you were 5, you don't know her as she is now - people change a lot as they grow up!).

And you don't seem to be able or willing to understand why a declaration of love from someone she hasn't seen for a decade might be upsetting or frightening to her.

As Beppie's said, seeing a school support worker or counsellor might be really helpful for you. It might help you deal with some of the unhappiness you're clearly feeling, and also sort out ways of interacting more successfully with other people.

Social skills can be tricky - trust me, I know!

But if you approach other people in ways which they see as frightening, offensive or weird, it's really not surprising if they're frightened, offended or weirded out.

--------------------
"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it." - the Talmud

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Castaway
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Trust me...it takes a lot to calm me down when something like this works me up so much. I used to think that she all ways loved me..but she doesn't. She's just another pain in my goddamn *** as I have said before. I just don't think I can lover or trust anyone after that scenario.
Posts: 89 | From: Somewhere in dreamland.... | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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It IS unreasonable to feel that you canot love or trust anyone after this.

It IS unreasonable to expect undying love from someone you last saw at an age when very, very few people can have any viable memories at all.

It IS unreasonable -- per how most people would react -- to expect someone who was close to you as a toddler to react at all well to you ringing them up out of the blue and stating you love them, AND, if NO other regular contact has been made since, to feel THAT you know them well or love them.

(Not sure the intensity of her reaction was especially reasonable either, but to be frank, if your demeanor with her on the phone was as it has been in some of your posts here, I'm not sure a negative reaction is all that surprising, either.)

If you truly do feel that these things ARE reasonable, YOU are not being reasonable. And if all of this fills you with a metric arseload of anger and self-loathing, you're earnestly not in a particularly sane place.

I'd suggest what logic-grrl did, especially per counseling.

I'd also ask, please, that you not continue posting here in the way you are per your tone and approach.

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Castaway
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Like I said, I'm a complex man at times. Besides, the counselor wouldn't know if a kid was screwed up even if it bit her in the ***.
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Heather
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There's more than one counselor in the world, and I assure you, plenty are very well-versed with complexity.

And once more: please do knock it off per your tone here.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Castaway
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Then prove it.
Posts: 89 | From: Somewhere in dreamland.... | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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After this post, I'm closing this thread, because you very clearly have no intention of doing much here -- and perhaps in this forum, period -- to actually help yourself, or be at all responsive to any suggestions to help you do that. You also pretty clearly aren't going to respond to requests for you to cool it with your tone.

I can't prove to you what a therapist you will not SEE can or cannot do for you. (Though you could certainly hit your local library to read up on a few in the world who have done work exclusively with adolescents, such as Dr. Lynn Ponton, or do some general online searches on information from the APA.)

YOU have to go out there and interview a few, find one that seems the best fit, and then see, over time, what may or may not work. But doing so with a giant chip on your shoulder sure isn't going to help, nor is the idea that at what, 15? You're infinitely more complex than any qualified adult could strive to understand, despite the fact that the feelings you've voiced here, in general, at this forum, are hardly anything especially unique: feeling isolated, feeling like your life sucks, thinking you'll always be alone, being frutsrated that people don't respond to you the way you'd like (though clearly feeling no desire to actually adjust HOW you approach people, even when others have made clear it's pretty likely your approach is a big part of these issues).

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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