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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » sex doesn't feel good

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Author Topic: sex doesn't feel good
Ginger42
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I've been told sex would be awesome, but the only bad part would be popping your cherry. Well, it wasn't that bad as we went really slow(about a month)and voila! It was popped. Now...after that, it's like when we are having sex I feel nothing that feels good, or even close, except on the outside(just a little if it is being rubbed). He gets it all the way up there, but no good feeling is there. And becoming turned on? He does some things but it doesn't help like it use to.

So conclusion....It's difficult for me to become turned on, and sex isn't all that great for me. So what's wrong here? I know my body and things that use to turn me on, but it doesn't work anymore.

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JamsessionVT
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There is no fruit in a woman's body.

i.e., there are no cherries to pop. What you are refering to is what has become slang for a woman's hymen, and the pain some women feel upon penetration. However, it is not very often that a woman feels pain because of her hymen, but more likely because she is not relaxed, fully aroused, or using lubrication.

Something else you may find helpful: there are very few nerve endings in the vagina. Very few. In fact, the further you go, the less there are! Most are concentrated around the clitoris, so him going deeper isn't go to do anything but maybe jostle your cervix around. And that is often another source of pain.

If sex isn't that great, than why are you still doing it like you used to? Change up how you do things. Concentrate less on intercourse and more on sex play, if that is what turns you on. There isn't any rule that says that love making must end with intercourse, or even include it. If you and your partner are happy just taking part in sex play, do it. Don't feel pressured into having intercourse. Go ahead an experiment a few times, but if things don't work out, go back to pleasuring eachother. You may figure a few things out along the way, and can incorporate them in later. [Smile]

[ 03-19-2006, 05:22 PM: Message edited by: JamsessionVT ]

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Abbie
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Ginger42
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Ya, I know it's slang but it just sounds easier to explain it as such. We try having sex different positions, but that doesn't help. He does oral/finger/rubbing touching kissing of the chest ect ect and I just can't seem to become really aroused. I love him to death and we are great for eachother, so I don't see why it is so hard for me to become aroused. I want to have sex, but then when I do Im like hoo hummmm. I feel good I am giving him pleasure though, but then sadened I can't seem to get any.

We don't know any other ways to do it. Tryed on top, on the bottom, my back to him, yet still nothing. And we have tryed lubrication but still same thing.

[ 03-19-2006, 05:46 PM: Message edited by: Ginger42 ]

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wobblyheadedjane
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Is there a lot of stress in your life? I ask because stress can be a HUGE libido-buster. It's normal for sex drives to fluctuate throughout your life, so perhaps this a low time for you. Why not take a break, and try some non-sexual forms of intimacy? Backrubs, showering together, going for a long walk and having a conversation about life? They may not jumpstart your libido, but non-sexual forms of intimacy are just as important to the relationship at times, too.

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Unlucky at cards; lucky at love.

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Ginger42
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I have stress at work, but when I come home and me and him spend time together, it's all gone. I'm relaxed, happy, and satisfied being with him. He gives me lots of massages =D we shower together almost every time, and we always talk. We communicate very well actually. A long walk though? Too cold [Razz] We go shopping together for food and such, and try to go places with eachother whenever we get the chance. We have our aguments on occasions but everything wonderful.

[ 03-19-2006, 06:33 PM: Message edited by: Ginger42 ]

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Ginger42
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sorry....i accidenlty copy ur thing in the window i was writing in....lol and just found out how to fix it...

[ 03-19-2006, 06:33 PM: Message edited by: Ginger42 ]

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Heather
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How's your sex life by yourself, per masturbation?

As well, what's your sexual chemistry like with your partner? Do you get aroused BEFORE sexual activity? Do you get jelly-knees from the thought of your partner?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ginger42
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I don't masterbate. And I get all gooy when i think about him and his big blue eyes and him holding me and everything. He's always on my mind. Just thinking about him now makes me smile and all happy. and i miss him!!! cuz he's away on a job thing right now [Frown] Ohhh and the smell of himmmmm i could eat him up! He smells so good. And im semi aroused before sexual activity, but nothing still helps on progessing it.

[ 03-19-2006, 07:22 PM: Message edited by: Ginger42 ]

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Heather
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Masturbation helps, to be plain.

Does it always, always? No. Does it usually? Yes.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ginger42
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I use to masterbate, only rubbing of the outside, and it only felt good for a short period of time. And does what usually?
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Ginger42
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Oh, I understand what you mean. I don't know, I just don't really feel comfortable masterbating really, and besides, I never fingered myself as I was a virgin. But he always asks me if this or that feels good and I always go eh sorta not really. He trys so hard. It's kinda cute in a way [Razz]
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Heather
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...and there you go right there.

If you're not comfortable touching YOURSELF, if you don't enjoy touching YOURSELF, you're going to be highly limited in your enjoyment from anyone ELSE touching you.

If you can't get to know your OWN body, your own sexual response, independent of someone else's wants, desires and experiences, it's far, far more challenging to communicate what feels good to you, what works for you. That's going to be a big part of the "eh, not really's."

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ginger42
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When I did masterbate, I felt fine, but felt it was wrong because I was brought up to believe it was wrong with the religion we had. Anyways, I've never stouch my finger up there before and felt it would be weird and kind of gross as well.
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Karybu
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This article from the main site might help you get a bit more comfortable with masturbation as a whole.

Is Masturbation Okay? (yep)

There's nothing weird or gross about putting your fingers in your vagina - it is, after all, a body part just like any other body part, so why should touching it be different than say, touching your nose? And I'm going to agree with what Miz Scarlet said here: if you're not comfortable touching yourself, then that is seriously going to limit the comfort level you have with someone else touching you.

[ 03-19-2006, 08:00 PM: Message edited by: karybu ]

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Ginger42
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Hmmm well I'll just have to give it some thought and might have to get use to the idea first. On a side note though, my breats have been hurting for a month now and maybe even longer. I'm a A in girls bra size(that's under an A in woman size) and they have seem to grown a tad during the pain, but how long is this going to last? They arn't growing much :\ though I would like to at least reach a regular A size, but this pain is so annoying. I am 21 years old.
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blueveggie
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I will add..

for myself, when masturbating, I get nothing out of penetration- I keep thinking of new ideas and frankly it doesn't do a thing.

Fingers work dandy.. clitorises LIKE fingers (well at least mine does)- body massagers are friendly too, and if you can't get your hands on anything else an electric toothbrush works.

I know it's weird, and if it really does bother you, then by all means don't- but it's really just sex, but with yourself.. (IMHO)

Mirrors help, too- if you know what's down there, then you may be able to direct things a little better. Once you get more comfortable, it'll be far more pleasurable.. and go where you won't be bothered, that again makes it more relaxing.

keep an open mind- experiment- it might not work every time. and make sure to use lube.. which for a little rub here and there, your own could (should?) be enough [Smile] (dry = pain!.. so avoid that one!)


GL- knowing yourself will help.. it's like telling someone to scratch an itch and saying 'it's on my back somewhere' rather than 'it's just to the left of my spine in between my shoulderblades'. catch my drift?

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Heather
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At your age, unless you're gaining weight or adding new exercise, it's very, very unlikely you're actually having any growth of breast tissue itself.

Are you up-to-date with your annual checkups? Are you having any other symptoms? have you changed your diet in any way, added any new medications, anything like that?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ginger42
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Well I weight under 100 lb, and one job i had I was very active 5 days a week. I have recently changed jobs where I sit on my butt all day typing. I don't exercise and ya. I basically just sit all day [Razz] Havn't been to the doctor in a long time for check ups, no money really, and I eat just like I alwasy do, stuff my face when Im hungry =D and no new medications. Only different thing is becoming sexually active really.
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Ginger42
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Ok, well I thought about the masterbation, and I decided to try it also because I was wondering what it is he feels up there when he uses his finger on me. Mind you I didn't feel uncomfertable or anything. First off...in my previous years of masterbation, I was always able to turn myself on and so on and so forth, but now?? Same thing when I try making love with him. There's nothing there. I'm already a little turned on but nothing progresses it! Oh, and is there suppose to feel like there is a lil round gum ball at the base of the vagina while entering? You're finger kind of raps around it. As well as feels like there is flabby tissue up there. I don't know if any of this is good or bad =O
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elec_trasity
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Hey Ginger-
I know it's been years, and I'm curious if you ever found a solution. Still with the same guy? Try other things??
I found this thread because I'm experiencing the same thing.. only, I did make one surprising discovery- anal penetration makes all the difference for me. Still, I'm trying to figure out how to communicate this and am discovering how uncomfortable it is to actually communicate what you want done...
Hope something has worked out in your case.

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