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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Not "girly"??

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Author Topic: Not "girly"??
emochickie7
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I just wanted to know if anyone thinks I'm overreacting for something that happened to me a few days ago.

One of my friends likes to make fun of me and one of my other close girl friends (I'll call her Ann), saying we're lesbians. It gets annoying because we're not together, but I've gotten used to it and just learned to ignore it. However, the other day, she started talking about it again and mentioned how "Ann" would be the femme one. I asked if she was implying that I would be the more masculine one, but she said no. She then said that "Ann" is just more girly than I am. This still upset me, because I felt as if she was saying I'm not feminine. She defended her point by saying that "Ann" dresses up more often/wears skirts more often and looks more girly. Not only did I feel like she was basically calling me the ugly one to my face, but I was upset that she based her definition of "feminine" on how someone dresses/looks. Sure, I may be too lazy in the morning to get dressed up and put on make up for high school classes, but does that mean that I'm any less womanly than someone else? Am I wrong for getting so upset over what my friend said? Every time someone makes fun of us, saying we're lesbians (it seems to be a big joke lately), I think of what my friend said and I feel REALLY sad and upset.

[This message has been edited by emochickie7 (edited 01-15-2006).]


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twentysix
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that was pretty lame of your friend to say such a thing, because obviously she hasn't got a clue about femininity. being a woman shouldn't depend on what you wear. i am just as "girly" as my friends who wear skirts when i'm in my denim jeans and band t-shirts. i wouldn't worry about it.
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Beppie
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It sounds like this girl is trying to find a way to get to you, and she's willing to descend into the ugly world of homophobia to do it (since she is presumably implying that there is something wrong with being a lesbian, particularly a "butch" lesbian). It seems like you've reacted pretty well to this treatment so far, but if you're having trouble, remember that she's not coming from the perspective of needing to say something about you that is true about your, OR something that is true about how women should dress, OR something that is true about women who identify as lesbians-- she's coming from the perspective of hurting you, and therefore inadvertantly making derogatory comments about other groups.

I am female, and I rarely wear makeup, and I often go out without being dressed up all "feminine" at all, and I have other friends who are the same-- sometimes these friends identify as heterosexual, sometimes lesbian, sometimes bisexual. Not all the lesbian women I know feel the need to buy into the whole "butch/femme" dichotomy, and furthermore, the way people dress often doesn't have a heap to do with their gender identity-- for some women, not wearing makeup or traditionally "girly" clothes is an expression of their personal femininity, while others might do that and not feel all that feminine at all.


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emochickie7
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Thanks for the responses. Ever since I was a kid, I've been insecure about my femininity. My mom decided to give me a bowl-head haircut in the first or second grade, and a mean girl in my class called me a boy in front of a lot of other classmates. I even think a friend of my mom's who hadn't met me before thought I was her son. That's probably why I don't think anything of her lesbian comments (just to make it clear.. I identify myself as being straight), but for some reason I can't let this go.
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