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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » can't stop worrying

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Author Topic: can't stop worrying
shannonbarr
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Member # 26582

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I am absolutely paranoid about getting pregnant. My boyfriend's exposed genitals have only ONCE EVER been NEAR mine and that was FIVE months ago... I have had NORMAL, HEAVY periods ever since and 5 negative pregnancy tests and yet I can't stop myself worrying.

I worry about every sexual activity we engage in, despite the fact that I make sure there is abosolutely NO RISK. If I give him a hand job I make SURE that my genitals are not involved after that on the pure off chance that he MAY have BRUSHED his hand against his penis. I am so paranoid about getting pregnant from cum on my hands after giving him a hand job that I RINSE IN RUBBING ALCOHOL AND WASH NUMEROUS TIMES. And yet I still worry.

I just got off my period and haven't engaged in any sexual activity since, and yet I am so worried that I bought another pregnancy test (which was negative) and yet am somehow still worried... I really don't know what to do or what I can do to stop worrying... I have read so many things about spotting whilst pregnant and mistaking it as your period and false negative pregnancy tests.

I have gone so far as to take plan b after he fingered me (his genitals NOT INVOLVED AT ALL) because I somehow convinced myself that he had masturbated before and not washed his hands... and even with all this, he has only ONCE ever ejaculated in my presence so all my paranoia is over the non-existant possibility of getting pregnant from non-existant amounts of pre-cum on his hand...

I tend to over-worry about most things, but never for as long as I have worried about this (about 4 or 5 months) or to the life-consuming extent of this...

I really don't know what I can do about this and would really like some advice on how to handle this because I absolutely do not know how to stop worrying and it is taking over my entire life, I can't stop and I am angry and irritable all the time because I'm so stressed and I really don't know what to do...


Posts: 7 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
faifai
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Member # 17971

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Are you sure you want to continue being sexually active if it's eating you up inside with worry? Pregnancy risks are present in a lot of sexual activities, STI risks are present with nearly ALL sexual activities. If it's worrying you and you know it doesn't make any sense to worry, yet you continue to worry anyway, maybe you should take a break from sexual activity.

Another option might be to go on the birth control pill. That is extremely effective at preventing pregnancy (98% typical use, 99.9% perfect use) and might quell your fears, provided you are good with taking it every day at the same time.

Also, make sure you use condoms all the time when you're engaging in sexual activity. Handjob? Use a condom. Blowjob? Use a condom. Doing the cuddling-with-the-possibility-of-more thing? Use a condom. A barrier method such as a condom will greatly reduce pregnancy risk.

[This message has been edited by faifai (edited 12-20-2005).]


Posts: 640 | From: The Valley of the Sun, AZ, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Beppie
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As faifai said, you need to consider whether you're ready for any sexual activity if it is going to cause you this level of stress, even when taking so many precautions. What's the point of doing it if it causes you more worry than fun with your partner?

However, I think you might also want to consider seeing a counsellor if you get stressed this easily about any activity that involves a risk. All sexual activity aside, if you stress out this much about ANY activity that has some degree of risk, your enjoyment of your own life could be pretty limited.


Posts: 2710 | From: Australia | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
shannonbarr
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Member # 26582

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I have talked to my boyfriend before about taking a break from sexual activity and he says he is fine with that and that he will do whatever is necessary to make me happy again. However, I had an ex break up with me over refusual to engage in sexual activity before, and although I know my boyfriend wouldn't do that (his last girlfriend was very religious and they dated for over a year never going farther than kissing)I still can't help myself from worrying. My boyfriend has assured me that he won't leave and even pointed out that he was just as happy in the first months of our relationship before we became sexually active, and yet I still have that doubt in the back of my mind keeping me from stopping sexual activity all together. As it is I have given us the rule that if his genitals are involved at all on any given day, than for the remainder of that day, my gentials will not be involved (and vice versa) and for the most part refuse to let him near there anyway.

We usually use condoms for oral sex on account of the worry of herpes from cold sores etc. However, we do not use them for hand jobs as we are both monogamous (and have been for the past year) and have been tested for STDs at our university's sexual health clinic.

I am reluctant to go on the pill as I have heard so many horror stories and I recently discussed this with my dermatologist (I am particularly worried about it affecting my acne) and she advised against it.

Thanks for your advice! I am thinking I will try to finally put my doubt aside and take a break from sexual activity until I can sort out this whole worrying thing.


Posts: 7 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
faifai
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It is kind of strange that she would advise against going on the pill, because it frequently can aid in the control of acne and it provides a host of other beneficial effects. People who take the drug Accutane, for example, are often told to go on the pill because the acne med would cause terrible birth defects if a woman was to get pregnant while on the drug. Maybe you want to reconsider it, get a second opinion, etc.?

Horror stories about the pill are often just that--stories that neglect all the benefits of taking the pill and emphasize the occasional negative situations that occur. Yes, there are complications with taking it, especially if you're over 35 and smoke, or have a history of certain diseases. But if you don't look into it and simply dismiss it, you could be overlooking a great option for you.


Posts: 640 | From: The Valley of the Sun, AZ, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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