This is what my girlfriend has told me. Its very weird to her too though. She has cut before when really upset but hasnt in months. Recently, her life has come together more than it ever has been. Good grades, getting along with parents, our relationship is doing really well, etc. Nothing is wrong in her life. But she feels the urge to cut...really badly too. She has a low self esteem and I think that is the stem of this problem honestly. First, before I tell you all my thoguhts of what might cause this all, is it at all possible that someone really DOES like cutting? Or are they always hiding something? (Sometimes even from themselves)
Here are what I think might be causing this feeling:
1. She doesnt know how to deal with a life without problems. She now has something to lose and its a bit overwhelming.
2. She feels that she doesn't deserve all of these good things that are comign her way so she "punishes herself" to try and bring her down to the my-lifes-not-perfect status. This way she can feel like things are more in line with what she feels she "deserves"
3. She is afraid that she will have something bad happen to her in the future. Because of her past, she cant help but think this. She feels that by cutting, she can create the problems on her own rather than having them come from outside.
All in all, this all stems from her self esteem. If she felt good about herself, she would respect herself. She would realize she deserves all of these wonderful things. Anyway, what are your opinions? Any new ideas? Questions? I want to help her. Even though she isnt cutting right now, she has strong urges too.
I was a cutter for a while, a few years ago. I was hospitalized in March 2000 and haven't cut since.
Do i still have urges? Of course ... But i've found healthy ways to deal w/ my stress.
I think i remember reading a similar topic by you in another forum. How long has this been going on for? I was only actively physically harming myself (w/ knives, anyway) for a few months, and it was very hard to stop. If she's been doing this for any great length of time, it's really hard to stop overnight. It's impossible and unreasonable for you to ask that she never EVER have urges to harm herself. Obviously it's providing something for her right now that she's unable to get in other ways ...
People cut for various reasons, and since i don't know your girlfriend, it's too hard to say WHY she's cutting. You could be right ... I don't know. You could be way off too. Have you asked HER why she cuts? This is your best bet.
Is she in therapy right now? Does she have anyone (outside of you, her friends and family) objective to talk to?
The only way you can help her now is maybe suggest some counseling, and listen when she's ready to talk. If she's not ready to talk, don't push her. If she knows the dangers of this and is not ready to quit, you may be wasting your breath in going on about it. If you're unable to be in a relationship w/ someone struggling w/ these issues (and there's nothing wrong w/ that; i'm not sure i could do it either), you need to recognize this too.
She is very open with me. She doesnt know why she is getting these urges. And I am not teling her these urges need to stop. Im just trying to help her get rid of them. Posts: 124 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2004
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My good friend was a cutter, don't know if she still is for we sort of lost touch over the years. She cut herself to deal with pain, as she believed physical pain would take away the psychological one.
It didn't work much though.
I don't think she really liked cutting herself, for when she came to me in need of help she was usually very embarrassed about it. She knew I would tell her it was wrong, but that I would help her anyway. By help I don't mean providing her with something to cut herself, but helping her bandage up, or call a cab to go to the hospital if it became too extreme.
Be there for her, make her feel loved, so she sees she really is and maybe won't cut herself so much. It's incredible how effective it is to show someone that you care
------------------ dive into shine, even a deep darkness changes into shine, because i am believing the moment
Posts: 114 | From: El Salvador, but living in London :) | Registered: Aug 2002
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I used to cut myself in high school, and I remember not really understand why I did it. It just made things easier to deal with, I guess. I think it's admirable that you're trying to help her (without being too hard on her or making her feel like a bad person). One of my friends who cut had a boyfriend tell her that he would break up with her if she ever cut again, which was possibly the worst way he could have dealt with the situation. Your way is much better.
I don't know your girlfriend, but I know that when it was me, nothing anyone said or did made me stop. That was something I had to do on my own. My best advice is to make sure she knows you care about her, and will be there for her no matter what, and while you don't condone the activity... you still think she's a good person.
Sorry if this wasn't helpful... but I hope that she gets better soon.
(Also, maybe encourage her talking to a professional without forcing the topic. It could help a lot to talk to someone experienced with how to deal with these urges who can offer seasoned advice. Good luck!)
You seem like a very caring partner with a lot of great insight into what may be causing your girlfriend's cutting and I'm sure she does appreciate that. I can't offer anything the previous posters haven't but I wanted to wish you both luck.
------------------ "I'm as pure as the driven slush" Tallulah Bankhead
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