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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Masturbation and childhood

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Author Topic: Masturbation and childhood
Nina24
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Member # 24957

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Hi, I read and hear that masturbation is okay. I am 23 and my whole life was taught it was bad and sexual things are bad. I did it when I was like 10-14 yrs old and thinking about it now make me feel dirty. How can I get over this???

Another thing that bothers me is me playing house at age 6 with a friend with whom I got naked and kissed with. I feel disgusted.
anyone else had childhood experiences like this?

Not feeling really normal
Please reply!


Posts: 5 | From: Canada | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Really, at this age, your best bet is some counseling.

Think about it this way: when you brush your hair or rub a sore muscle, is it dirty? Probably not, and really masturbation is the same thing. We do it because it's comforting, it's satisfying, it's something our bodies and minds want, it's HONORING our bodies and how amazing they are, the pleasure and comfort they can provide.

Nobody needs to tell infants or small children that -- nearly all of whom masturbate until an adult tells them to stop in some way -- they already know, and only decide different if they UNlearn natural behaviour, have it disrupted, by adults putting weird adult agendas on it. same goes for children kissing, playing nude: child sexuality exists, but it isn't adult sexuality, so you feeling disgusted is you putting adult motives on child behaviour, and that's just not sound or reasonable.

But sexual shame tends to be challenging to unlearn and repair, so a sensitive therapist is usually your very best ticket.

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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Nina24
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Thanks for posting back so quickly. You are right, adult and child sexuality are different. I think that is my problem here, I was seeing them as the same and felt so horrible because "children shouldn't be doing stuff". I am seeing a therapist right now and talking it out.
Any other ideas on working these things out in my head to realize that it was okay??

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You really can't rush this sort of thing: it's going to take time, probably years of really working on it, though you'll likely feel better and better about it throughout that process. It's great you've already found a therapist you can work with.

But per helps, reading basic information on human and developmental sexuality might help. Betty Dodson's "Sex for One," is one I might suggest, because starting to learn to be able to explore pleasure via masturbation is likely to be helpful to you. "The Soul of Sex" by Thomas Moore is another book I think you might find offers you some enlightenment on the matter and some positivity in a gentle, intellectual way.


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Ztloj
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I wish you luck!
Posts: 22 | From: Chicago | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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