posted
I asked my boyfriend what he thinks about when he masturbates, and I'm sort of sorry I did. He told me he thinks about girls we both know. He said they would be naked and tied up and he would whip them and hurt them. Of course, I've heard of this before, but is it really true what he says, that it's only fantasy and not reality. I trust him, but I'm a little freaked out by it. Can anyone advise me?
Posts: 2 | From: California, U.S.A. | Registered: Jan 2005
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posted
seriously. he's not the only person who has S*M fantasies. it's pretty common. And yeah, there's a hasm between fantasy and reality. He might daydream about it, but in reality, it's really unlikely he'll ever attempt it, and in some cases, the reality of it might actually repulse him.
what can you do? well, be more selective about what you ask people. and secondly, keep telling yourself it's only fantasy.
posted
Something to maybe keep in mind is that pain and pleasure belong on the same spectrum, just at opposite ends, so really it's not surprising that the 2 can get a but mixed up imo.
Posts: 14 | From: Dunedin | Registered: Jan 2005
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posted
Something else to think about is that elements of bondage and domination/discipline and sadism/masochism are common in a lot of popular culture and collective fantasy. Ever heard anyone joke about handcuffs or blindfolds during sex, or seen a movie in which someone in leather bondage gear is played for a joke (the most recent example I'm coming up with here is Dodgeball)? This isn't too far out there, these days.
Fantasy and reality are by far two different things, but it might be helpful to learn a little bit more about why people might find this exciting or arousing, and to find out whether your partner wants to keep this a fantasy. We have an article that deals with some of these issues:
posted
Maybe it's because I'm in a happy, consensual S&M relationship, but I'd personally be more concerned about the other girls factor to the fantasy...
it's true that it's just fantasy, and they're a far cry from reality... but you may wanna talk to him about it...'cause talking is pretty much everything. yeh.
quote:Originally posted by nachtgeist: Maybe it's because I'm in a happy, consensual S&M relationship, but I'd personally be more concerned about the other girls factor to the fantasy...
it's true that it's just fantasy, and they're a far cry from reality... but you may wanna talk to him about it...'cause talking is pretty much everything. yeh.
Well, after reading the responses from you and the others (I want to thank you all) and reading the stuff you've got at scarleteen on the subject, I definitly was feeling reassured and more comfortable. You can't put toothpaste back in the tube, and since I already talked to my guy about this once, I plunged in again. I asked him if he wants to keep it all fantasy, I mean what would he really want to do if given the chance? Nothing with the other girls he says, only me. He already spanks me, I never thought of that as the same kind of thing. A real eye-opener!
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