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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » I hate my vagina

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Author Topic: I hate my vagina
Member # 20418

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I am sorry but I don't really know how to express what I want to say because I am not good in English... but I hope you'll understand.
I have a problem with the look of my vagina....
which is now grown very big since I have a boyfriend. He is really kind and nice and understanding and he doesn't do any things I don't want to do yet... and now we're 5 months a couple.... I am 19 and he is 23.... I am still virgin and... we now did some fingering and things like that... but I never wanted to see his penis and I never want to show him my vagina because the inner lips peep out a lot.... and I really think that's disgusting... My smell is... i think quite bearable.. he said he likes his smell after he were with his face there but I didn't want that and kicked him off
I will never show my vagina to anyone... I once was at a gynecologist when I was younger and "that" wasn't like it is now... and it was horrible and it hurt... I never went again to a gynecologist...
I hate my vagina and I hate the look of a penis... why is all this stuff this ugly?

Posts: 2 | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Sex can't change the size or shape of the vulva. Arousal causes some temprary swelling, but again, no permanent changes. Puberty, however, causes some changes, as does age, but in the latter case, they're very subtle.

Inner labia, peepers or no, are not disgusting. They're a normal part of your anatomy, just like the lips on your face or your earlobes.

Genitals aren't ugly. What it sounds like, actually, is that right now is a BAD time for you to be sexually active with a partner, because so long as you feel that way, it's only going to reinforce those feelings, rather than help them to subside. As well, if you're not willing to get sexual healthcare, you're playing russian roulette with your health being sexually active, and shame tends to increase risks.

So, what I'd suggest is this:

1) take a break from sexual partnership until you're much more okay with your body and everyone's genitals.

2) DO see a GYN. While you're there, ask about genitals, about what's normal and what's what.

3) ...and this is going to sound harsh, but: get over it. hating any part of your body isn't good for you or anyone, and it's especially silly when it's out of ignorance, or made worse by going into things you really don't feel ready for or comfortable with. While you're working on getting over it, go to the library. Pick up medical textboks and anatomy books and have a real look at what genitals look like. if you have, perhaps, any issues stemming from sexual trauma (like rape or molestation), get some help with those. If your body shame continues despite your efforts, seek out counseling.

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 20418

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thanks a lot for your reply...
I know that my body is quite normal and that I should not be ashamed of any part... but... I know I should go to the doctor.... and I will do an appointment.... I am afraid that this time it'll also hurt but I think another doctor will do fine, but that won't help I think...
I can't get over this... I hate it and I don't know why and I don't know what I can do against this shame... I talked with really good friends, I asked at forums, I lokked at pictures and that where quite a lot... I know everything about it...
But I still hate the look of "it"
My boyfriend told me that "it" feels good.... but I won't show him!
I also think that taking a break from sexual relationship ist not necessary... because... we are still not very far and he doesn't do anything I don't want him to do... And... we do such things only if it's really dark.. so he can't see "it".. and it feels nice, too... I like being touched by him, also "there"... I also have no problem with touching him "there" and bring him to orgasm... (he want me to orgams too but it didn't work yet )
My only problem is this... shame of my look "there"... I think that other's genitals are much nicer than mine... and I know that these thoughts are wrong thoughts but I can't be helped...

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Member # 20046

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It's normal for you not to like the look of your genital area. Many girls don't. I don't like mine, but my boyfriend says he likes it and as he said it, "its just 'cause i'm a guy" and as long as he likes it I'm happy. Doesn't mean you have to. I don't find guys penises attractive either, but you don't have to. It's not like you look at your boyfriend's finger and go on about gorgeous it looks. It's just another body part!
Posts: 58 | From: Australia | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 8067

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It's normal for you not to like the look of your genital area.

You don't have to think your genitals are the world's greatest work of art .

But not being able to accept them as part of your body - let alone feeling that they're revolting and shameful and too "disgusting" to let a partner see - that's not healthy or positive.

Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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