I don't know if this is the right place to post this. I'm not even sure what i'm posting. I just feel so bad and I don't now what's wrong with me I'm actually scared of my first I tired to hurt myself by trying to cut my wrist with a key. I don't why I was just standing there in front of my door the key in my hand and I just kept thinking about how stupid and dirty I am and just felt so numb I wanted to feel pain. Did that make any sense? Then I took a knife and sort of tried to cut my breast but I'm a real coward I don't really like pain it's just sort of this irrational reaction I get to things ever since I was 9 I never really badly hurt myself I just I don't know consider it but always wimp out.
I guess maybe I should give a little back round to show why I feel so bad. I've sort of been in this friends with benefits relationship with this guy it went to hell once before but the sort of got back together this time was different because we started having sex and I lost my virginity with him. But then there were all these problems like sneaking around and all most getting caught but I didn't really care because when I was with him I always felt so good about myself and everything it all seemed to be better when I was with him. Well anyways he told me that it just didn't feel right anymore and now he's always going to see this girl that he used to date and that I knew he still has feelings for it just kills me thinking of him with her. So I start feeling dirty and used and so stupid. I knew all along that we weren't dating or anything but I just don't know.
I'm just looking for some advice or anything really, are these feelings normal or is there something really wrong with me?
(O and p.s today's incident happened after I saw him)
I think it would be best for you to get some support with these issues with this boy and with wanting to hurt yourself. Are you at school or university? A school or university counsellor could be a useful person to help you deal with this, and help you work out what you need.
You are NOT a coward, it is normal and protective to not want to cut yourself. You are a brave person - you just acknowledged there could be a problem, and came here to try to get some help.
You could think about whether there is anyone else you could talk to - e.g. another family member, a family friend, a neighbour, your doctor.......
Self-harm is really not a problem that is easily solved alone. I urge you to tell someone about this.
You could go to the doctor and show him/her how you have injured yourself, and get some help. A doctor could refer you for counselling, and can also prescribe medication to help you cope with your feelings.
You don't say where you are or your age. If you post your location and age, hopefully an advocate will be along to this thread soon and can give you some ways to get help in your area. If you are in the US, I can't give you much help in terms of resources, as I'm not in the US. There is a telephone number for Childhelp USA on the crisis hotline page here: http://www.scarleteen.com/crisis/resources.html
There are previous threads about cutting here, if you use the board search function you will be able to read about other people's experiences and add to the threads/ask more questions. e.g. this thread:http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum9/HTML/000777.html
Even if you weren't dating this guy, it's normal to feel torn up about it, especially if he's with someone else already. When women have sex, we release a hormone which emotionally attaches us to the person we are having sex with - seeing as you lost your virignity to him too, then of course you are going to have strong feelings for him. But... he's a jerk. think about it -what kind of guy uses a friend for sex, but without any of the commitment? He used you, babe, and now he's moved on to using someone else. You should be glad that you're rid of him - now you can find someone who appreciates you for who you are, and not someone who's just after one thing. As for the feelings of worthlessness - they may have been around before. What's your relationship with your parents like? Were you ever bullied? If so perhaps your low self esteem has just come to the fore again because of this episode. You mustn't harm yourself because it will solve nothing. Listen to me - you are NOT worthless, you are a great person. It is not your fault that you fell for some jerk's charm. You are much better than that. List ten good things about yourself, and read them out loud every day, whilst looking at yourself in the mirror and smiling. Any more advice, I'm here
Posts: 19 | From: Wales | Registered: Dec 2003
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First of all, it is not a myth. The hormone is called oxytoxin. Every single time a woman has sex she releases this hormone, in a monogomous relationship she binds herself to her husband and becomes more in love with him everytime she has sex with him. When a woman has multiple sexual partners, it becomes harder for her to bond with every bond she breaks. Its like duck tape, everytime you pull it off of one person's arm and stick on someone else, it looses some of its stickyness. We are not made to be sex objects for horny men. We are made for one loving relationship with someone who respects us and our bodies. Fallenangel, it is perfectly normal for you to feel depressed. You deserve respect and you feel used and hurt. Don't give up. Turn to God. Make a commitment to yourself and to your future husband that you will respect yourself and your body from now on. Demand respect from everyone around you by the way that you dress, act, talk, and live. Be a woman who knows how precious she is. Trust me, this type of woman is irresistable! Anyone can have illicit sex, but only those who know their worth and respect themselves can wait untill marriage. The way you act determines the type of men you will attract. Act like a lady and you will attract gentlemen! They are so wonderful! They hold doors, and kiss our hands, and look us in the eyes. They never use us for there own plesure and put our happiness before their own needs. Thank God for gentlemen!!! Be the lady you were ment to be, and God Bless you. Please remember how wonderfully special you are and how happy you can be if you live a life of purity and respect. Hold your head high and know what you want. Love, from the man of your dreams.
Posts: | From: Portland, Oregon, USA | Registered: Apr 2005
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1. Oxytoxin is, apparently, the hormone that makes milk flow when a baby sucks on a nipple. The only reference I found to it during sex was in a pretty sketchy tabloid. People who know something about biochemistry are, of course, more than welcome to correct me.
2. Women are not duct tape. We are also not "made" for anything, be it sex objects or one loving relationship. As sentient beings, we can choose what we do.
3. Scarleteen isn't the place to evangelize or proselytize. You're welcome to believe whatever your heart desires, but please don't go telling others what to believe.
4. Yes, women who know their worth and respect themselves can indeed wait until marriage, but they can also choose to have sex before that if they want. In fact, there are a good many women in the second category on this site.
5. Yes, "gentlemen" are nice, but stereotyping isn't. Also, not everyone wants a man who will do all those things. Not everyone even wants a man. Also, women were not necessarily meant to be "ladies."
6. "love from the man of my dreams" sounds nice enough, but it's really not at the top of the list of things that I want. In fact, many women have priorities ahead of finding themselves a man, and not all women are attracted to men.
Sorry if I've been snippy, but honestly, a lot of the things you said just aren't terribly welcome ideals at Scarleteen--that every woman needs a husband and can't handle having more than one sexual partner. We just don't endorse that kind of thinking.
Just a little geeking on oxytocin (and marvellouspurple, nice job -- I had trouble logging into ST last night, and I'm so glad to see members of the community owning it and handling conflict here from adults coming to evangalize so beautifully and graciously).
Oxytocin is a neuropeptide that occurs in numerous different scenarios, including uterine contractions during labor, from ANY sort of orgasm, strong arousal or even menstrual cramps, in lactating mothers, and apparently, via maternal behaviour as well as via emotional bonding, though that can happen in stuations that are not romantic, sexual, heterosexual, monogamous or marriage-based. Some studies have shown that people may associate feelings of love if they are with a given person when oxytocin levels rise, but interpreting that as creating an emotional bond is pretty iffy, and escalating that would be a bit like romanticing the fact that a drug addict grows to feel positively about their drug dealer because they associate a high with him or her.
And oxytocin and these sorts of responses occur not just in people, but in domestic animals as well.
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