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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » problem :(

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Author Topic: problem :(
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

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Hey,
Well I started the pill a littlw while ago now, And I was put on it to treat my endometriosis pain and to treat poly cystic ovaries. Well I am really happy with how this pill has treated the pain, especially during periods, i can finally cope again!
Well I have always been thin, But i have put on like 3 kilograms with this pill, which i dont mind at all because i am happy with the way i look, well was. I didnt care because i can handle that as long as i dont have to cope with the pain as much as i used to. Well lately my mum has been saying things to me about the way i look, not the way i dress or anything, just like how im getting to look like my big sister and she wishes i didnt because it reminds her of my dad. And today I was driving her to the doctor and she said to me that I was getting fat and looked bad. I was really surprised because i didnt realise she thought like that about me. Then she said she wanted me to go off of the pill because i looked horrible This really hurt me, i know i shouldnt have let it get to me but it just did. And so i told her how much it helped my pain, and she said, well is it worth giving up your looks for? and i said yes. But now i feel bad, i dont know if i can go back to being in that pain, but i feel really fat and ugly after her saying that. And kinda hurt that she cares more about the way i look than me being in pain all the time I havnt been able to eat all day and i feel really bad. I am starting to think maybe i should go off of the pill because everytime i see her i feel embarrassed about how i look. I am still a small size but im worried that everyone is thinking the same thing as my mum. Im sorry to complain again
NixieGurl

Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Beppie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 94

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Hi Nixie, it sounds like you're in a really difficult situation. You really need to look after your health first and foremost, and this is something that you need to do for YOU, not for your mother, or anyone else.

You know, most people really don't care if someone puts on a few kilos. Assuming that you're still around high school age, it's quite possible that the reason you gained weight was due to natural growth, just as much as it is possible that it's a side effect of the pill.

I think it's likely that your mother has low self esteem regarding her own appearance, and she is unintentionally projecting that onto you. While I'm sure she doesn't mean to hurt you, she need to know that she is doing so, and you also need to stress to her that your general wellbeing and health are more important to you than someone else's idea of conventional beauty. You need to be strong and stick up for yourself here, and let your mother know that you are proud of your body no matter what it weighs. Who knows, you might even inspire her to reconsider her own position on the subject.


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Londongirl
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Member # 18235

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I agree, it sounds to me that you have got your priorities right, I would put my health and wellbeing first as well. I think it is your mother who has issues here.

Maybe your doctor could help you convince your mother that being on the pill is right for you?

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Londongirl
Thirtysomething and not actually counting
Who the **** is Londongirl?

[This message has been edited by Londongirl (edited 10-03-2004).]


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Barbarosa
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Member # 19894

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PCOS or Poly Cyctic Ovary Syndrome is reason enough to be on an OCP. Women with this condition have cycles that are often very unpredictable, and over time can lead to abnormalities of the endometrium (the lining of the uterus that is shed with your period).

Strictly defined PCOS is an abnormality of hormone levels, not just cysts on the ovaries. So, just having cysts does not mean a person has PCOS.

That said, ovaries that have alot of cysts without PCOS can produce terrible pain, and OCPs tend to reduce the occurence of pain.

If you have not done so, calculate your Body Mass Index, and look at it from your pre-OCP and post-OCP wieghts. This site has an on line calculator, as well as good explaination for what the numbers mean.
http://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpa/bmi/calc-bmi.htm

If your BMI is in a healthy range, and you are physically active, you likely have little to worry about from the weight question. It may help to have this handy if you try to talk to your mom about how her comments make you feel about yourself.

I too am concerned about the messages you are getting from a trusted source. Parents often mean well, but may not appreciate the effect our words can have on our loved ones. Please make an appointment to talk to your healthcare provider, with your Mom if need be to discuss the issue.


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nachtgeist
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Member # 19932

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Try hard not to listen to your mother. She's not being helpful in any way, shape, or form.

Stay on the pill, keep active, try to regain your former self-esteem. Get the heck out of your mothers influence when you can.


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nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

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thank you, I am a healthy Body weight. I didnt realise i even looked bigger than i was but even though i didnt im starting to feel really uncomfortable around people. The pill is designed to help with the PCOS but helps alot with the endo as weel and even though i still have pain it is better than it was by a long way. I play alot of sport, actually more now that im feeling a bit better. But I dont know why my mum would have said that if she didnt mean it
I still havnt felt like eating anything. My mother is really thin so I dont know why she would be feeling bad about herself either. I could go off of the pill and treat it with other drugs that dont do that but i dont know if im ready when im only 18 to start taking those sorts of things on a daily basis.

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froggy_dear
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You know what you want. You (and correct me if I'm wrong) want to continue on the pill because it is helping you with the pain that you've been having. You don't want to deal with treatment alternatives to the pill for good reasons.

I can only reiterate: Your health is your health and it is important that you do what is best for you. At 18, you're an adult. Your choices are yours to make. It sounds like you lead a healthy lifestyle (aside from not eating recently) which is the most important thing. Maybe it would help to sit down and talk things through with your mother, and if she can't see what you're trying to say, then discuss this with a counselour at school or something, who can give you a detatched perspective (something I think that we're trying to do here, but which is sometimes easier to hear from the mouth of someone you know) and gain confidence in yourself.

And it's possible that your mother was in a bad mood that day. Even parents sometimes say things that they regret.

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I see you shiver with antici......pation


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Londongirl
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Member # 18235

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It sounds like your mother may have low self-esteem, and from what you have said she is rather appearance-focussed. As she is very thin, she may have disordered body image and/or disordered eating herself. It is impossible to say not knowing her, but it is a possibility - it would be one reason why she would be unable to be objective and supportive of you.

And go and get yourself something nice to eat, you really must eat. You are not "fat", and even if you needed to lose weight, not eating would NOT be the way forward - even people on a diet need to eat healthily and eat enough to get proper nutrition.

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Londongirl
Thirtysomething and not actually counting
Who the **** is Londongirl?

[This message has been edited by Londongirl (edited 10-04-2004).]


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