posted
My boyfriend and I started fooling around 4 months ago. We had the key to his uncle's flat, who doesn't usually live there, and so we used to slip in, and had a big bed to ourselves for as long as we wanted. I learnt a lot there, since the privacy we had was what made me be relaxed enough to have my first sexual experiences. We discovered each other's bodies, we had dry sex, and I masturbated him.
(All that is over now, since his uncle found out and told his parents... now it's kinda imposible for us to set a foot there )
The thing is that, even though we are taking things pretty slowly - we haven't had intercourse or given oral to each other yet, although we've been together for more than 5 months -, it stills bothers me somehow to become a little more intimate. I mean, it's not that I don't feel comfortable, coz I do; it's not that I don't trust him either; it's just that, everytime something new happens, I feel like I've lost something. As if 'oh look, it'll never be the same again'. And if we do it again and again, I fear that it'll lose the whatever-special-thing it had, and that it'll end up being a common thing. That doesn't mean that I don't enjoy those kind of things though.
I know I'm really messing this up, sorry. I'm useless when it comes down to explaining feelings I have . For example, I love masturbating my boyfriend. The first time I did I was a bit afraid, but I enjoyed it lots. However, the next days, I was afraid of doing it coz I thought that if I did it too much, somehow, he'd end up becoming used to it, and it'd lose it specialness. Does that make sense to anyone?
Or am I the only weirdo who feels like this? :P
[This message has been edited by Kotori (edited 06-23-2004).]
posted
Sure, it makes perfect sense. You are afraid that if you do it too much, you two won't find it special anymore, and to me it sounds like you are a bit nervous he might ask more of you, maybe something you're not ready for. First off, I'd talk to him. Maybe ask him what he might want to do. You never have to say yes, just talk to him. Part of relationships is going beyond your comfort zone and experimenting. It sounds like you really need to look to yourself to solve this. I mean, if it's an emo issue, than it'd be better to ask yourself "what do I want?" and "what am I comfortable doing?" and then go to him. Last thing...talk to someone else! Do you have a sex ed counciler (sp?) in your school? (we do...and its great to have both of them around...!!) They'd be great to talk to about this, because they seem to know a lot about everything. Hope this helps! You don't have to actually take any of this advice, only if you want to, but I wish you luck!
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