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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » help me!

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Author Topic: help me!
Member # 11254

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i have a friend ( yeah i know they all start like this but really - this IS my mate... ) she broke up with her boyfriend a while ago afte he did some terrible things to her, he lied he cheated etc etc...the recently got back together... he also has an oversion to rubber. he wont wear a condom. to me, i think this is the HEIGHT of dis-respect he is showing to my friend but she's "willing to put up with it" she said "its ok, if i get pregnant i can just have an abortion..." when i pointed out that her boyfriend is a slut and what about STI's she went kinda quiet. but she is still doing it. i want to tell her about it and convince her that, if she IS going to stay with this guy who makes her so unhappy - at least she make him wear protection.
what do i say? she just wont listen to me. i was thinking maybe i coudl drag her down to my local sexual helth clinic to show her what they'll say... but is that going too far? what should i do??!!
i want to help her and i'm so scared she could get an STI or pregnant or both. she cant talk to her parents they think she's not having sex. i think she should but that wouldnt go down too well... plus i doubt theyd do more than yell alot. (i know them, they are not the most helpful of people unfortunately...)
oh what should i do!!! thank you

Posts: 52 | From: england | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1896

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Hello Becky,

good on you for worrying so much about your friend.
What to do in your situation is a difficult question, really. Fact is, your friend makes her choices about her sex life, not you, as risky as her choices may be, as much as you disagree with them
Fact is, if she is not willing to look after herself better (which I find terribly worrisome) - no amount of talking on your part might change that.
I wish we could always convince people to be safe, but we can't, and sometimes we simply have to accept that people are making choices and decisions we don't share.

I've been in a similar situation before, and when I felt like I was talking to a wall, what i've done as the last measure before giving up was printing out pages from Scarleteen, getting leaflets from Planned Parenthood, and giving those to my friend with a box of condoms and some lube.
After that, I've always made sure my friend knew my opinion on her choices, but also knew I would support, no matter what.

So how about you sit down with your friend once more. Tell her how much you worry and care about her. Tell her that you feel she is not looking after herself well. Ask her whether she might want to get pregnant. - Sometimes, gals do not use protection because they want to have a child, after all. - Often, when they are in stressful life situations or come from not so good families.
If she says she doesn't, then tell her she needs contraception of some form, and assist her getting it, if she wants to.
Abortion is not birth control, and should never be used as such.

I wouldn't call her boyfriend a "slut" to her - she seems to like him, and bashing him (even though it might be spot on) might turn her off listening to what you have to say.
Making an STD testing date together is generally a good thing to do, but it seems that this might be over the top at the moment, really, and it's impossible anyway, if she simply doesn't want to. And like I said: we can't force good things on people.

I hope this helps a little, we have several threads around on this issues, I'll see whether I can find some for you.

~Scarleteen Sexpert~

"it may look like i'm moving but i'm standing still."
bob dylan

[This message has been edited by Alaska (edited 05-30-2003).]

Posts: 4526 | From: germany | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1896

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One thread I found is this one

Good friends making bad choices

Posts: 4526 | From: germany | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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