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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Whenever Loneliness is Worse

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Author Topic: Whenever Loneliness is Worse
SugarBabylon
Neophyte
Member # 8678

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Im a very lonely person, and ive felt like lonely for quite some years now and i dont really know why. i get on with people, but dont feel as if i have many friends i could trust in.

ive tried various different ways of meeting people, including leaving school and joining a new course just to see new faces, but i just feel like an outsider.


Posts: 3 | From: Ireland | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
gloworm
Activist
Member # 7235

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hi SugarBabylon

you know, i think i can identify with you alot. its weird because i've gone through different stages in my life where i have been totally content, and others where i felt utterly alone. my last 2 years of high school were so full of fun and friends, but when i went off to college 300 miles away from home and not knowing a single soul, i just sort of turned into this quiet, introverted person and i've never been the same since.

i made many friends my freshman year, but no one i totally felt close enough to share myself completely. i missed my closest friends back home and ultimately transferred closer to home so i could be around people i knew and felt safe around.

and while i still have several friends now, i have found that i keep to myself more often. and i don't like it but i just don't feel comfortable meeting new people anymore.
i spend most of my time with my boyfriend, and as precious and wonderful and amazing as he is, i know it would be much healthier for me to cultivate some new friends and interests.

but its difficult, like you said, to find people you truly connect enough with to open up too. i think one reason i am having problems with this is because i have screwed over big time by so-called "friends" in the past and really hurt. maybe part of me is afraid to get attached to someone i don't know that well for fear of being hurt.

its different with my boyfriend because we have known each other since the 4th grade and been best friends since high school, so i never had to play any of the getting to know you games with him because we already knew each other probably better than we know ourselves.

anyway, i just wanted to let you know that i understand how you feel. i'm going to look into some of the on campus organizations this semester and try to get involved in something to meet new people and just get out of the rut i'm in. i hope you can find a way to get out of yours too.


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duckling
Neophyte
Member # 9531

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I can definitely relate. I used to feel like I didn't have any friends and nobody wanted to be around me. Basically I just started walking around my town and talking to people. I found myself making friends, and people were noticing me as a person rather than as part of the scenery. It's tough to do at first, especially if you're shy, but just start talking to people. On the bus, in restaurants, in the library...school isn't the be-all and end-all of friendship. Good luck, and be happy!
Posts: 36 | From: US of A | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

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meeting people isn't the same as forming a real intimate set of friends. (however,the former is a good step for later achievimng the latter)

you cna meet all the people you want, and personally i recommend it, but not only does it take more time to really get close to a person, it takes a certain level of comfort.

I had friends in high school, but i wasn't close to many folks otherwise. then i left for uni; here is where i found my niche. this is the environment where i feel most comfortable. the people around me seem more intersting to me. I feel as if i understand them better and they the same. In short, i feel like i "fit in."

I think the trouble is, Babylon, you need to find your niche and you haven't found it yet. sorry, I don't know how to instantly find your niche -- it's something i figure you know when you find it. But i'd bet that once oyu fin it, you'll feel a whole lot better.

------------------
"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t." Homer J. Simpson
"Mmm ... floor pie!" Homer J. Simpson


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Goodbye_blue_sky96
Neophyte
Member # 6829

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ME TOO, ME TOO! I used to be sooo anti-social! My therapist said it was because I was a couple years ahead of my classmates, so it was difficult for me to communicate with them. Its ok, you'll make new friends, join extra-curricular activites. although i never really got over the anti-social thing, I have made some new friends that are on my level when i got into highschool this year, so I don't feel lonely so much anymore!
Posts: 36 | From: ......up......there..... | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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