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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » "That's nasty" ...

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Author Topic: "That's nasty" ...
rambler
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Okay--I'm not really sure where this ought to go, so, advocates, move at will. I guess you guys could say I am about to get on the soapbox a bit. I have debated the merits of making this post for a while now and I bet I will annoy some people but I feel this needs to be said.

Well...I have seen a lot of posts which have been along the lines of "God I think X sexual practice is so nasty and I would never do it..."

Now, I fully believe that a person has the right to say what they will/won't do in a relationship as far as sex or any other commitment goes. I am not saying that we should all give up sexual boundaries. Sexual boundaries are good things. What bothers me is that I keep seeing various things being labeled as nasty and disgusting--and these things run the gamut, really...

What bothers me is that these things are said without regard for sexual diversity. By that I mean, by saying it is nasty you are making a very big value judgement and there may very well (9.99999 times out of ten there will be) people reading this board who find the thing you find "nasty" to be beautiful, wonderful, arousing, great, etc... Now, we should all know that the opinions of our peers shouldn't influence our sexual practices but I think that it's important to try to stay away from passing value judgements because no matter what, opinions of our peers DO end up mattering even if we tell ourselves it doesn't matter... and it's just common sense and common courtesy to keep in mind that other people have different preferences (not to mention orientations) where sex comes into play.

I see this a lot when people are discussing oral sex. It very often comes up: "I would let my partner do it to me but I would not want to do it to my partner." Now, I respect that decision because like I say: I appreciate and encourage sexual boundaries. But I have the following question for people who have made that decision: Why are you convinced that asking your partner to do what you are uncomfortable with is somehow more okay than the opposite situation? I mean, why is it somehow LESS nasty for them to perform it than for you to perform it? Why is it okay to make a request which you yourself wouldn't dare fulfill? This is not a gender-specific question. I have known both men and women to refuse to do certain sexual things with their partner because "it's nasty," or "it's dirty." Why is the inverse situation less dirty?

I knew a man who had the very cute little idea that it was okay for a woman to perform oral sex on himself but he would not go near a woman (or another man) in that way. When asked why not he said because he was cleaner. He actually believed that other people were dirty and he was pure and clean. This is not true. Not true at all. And I think that that kind of attitude can really lead to problems in one's life because you're NOT going to find it to be true.

And, you know what? If you're practicing safe sex, which you should, then all the germs and nasties you can possibly think of are safely on the other side of a bit of latex or other material--whether you're a guy or a girl, with or without STDs. So cleanliness doesn't really enter into it at all.

There is nothing inherently "nasty" about sex or any method of sex with other humans or inanimate objects as long as you play safely (yay condoms!), with clean implements, and with consent. And if you have the idea that certain things are inherently worse than other things... well, they may not be your thing (which is totally fine), but just as it's okay for you not to like something, it should be okay for others to like those same things without being labled in a derogatory manner just because you don't understand or enjoy their practice(s). And it's equally important not to assume things like "other people are dirty and I'm not..."
It's really not true and it's not going to help you down the road.

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rambler
Visit disabledsex.org -- Disability and Sexuality.
Or, find out how to join the teen discussion list
The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.
--Joe Ancis

[This message has been edited by rambler (edited 06-26-2001).]


Posts: 141 | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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rambler, you rule!

i, as a moderator, do my best not to impose those judgements, but frankly, we can't stop people from having their opinions. they can think a certain sexual practice is "nasty," and express that sentiment, so long as they do not say "user so and so is nasty because he/she does this." that's completely out of line.

imho, distinguishing a sexual practice as nasty without having any experience with it whatsoever limits one's potential to find something that feels really good. they might be missing out on the greatest thing since peanut butter. then again, you can try something and find it horrid, painful and completely distasteful. in which case, you draw the conclusion that, for you, it is nasty. i see nothing with making that sort of judgement.

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| |: BGBGDGBG BGBGCGBG :| |


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Beppie
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Great post, rambler, including things that we all should be thinking about.

[This message has been edited by Beppie (edited 06-27-2001).]


Posts: 2710 | From: Australia | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
rambler
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*blush* Thanks, Gummy. I think you are pretty cool, yourself.

I also agree with everything you said. I just think that it's a bit more considerate to say "I don't like xxx sexual practice" as opposed to "That sexual practice is nasty," if only out of consideration for others and sexual diversity in general.

But it's all semantics, I guess.

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rambler
Visit disabledsex.org -- Disability and Sexuality.
Or, find out how to join the teen discussion list
The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.
--Joe Ancis


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CallMeBuffChick
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Amen to that!
Posts: 433 | From: Wichita, Ks | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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i heard some people talking about cunnilingus today, and it was disturbing. i hope they, and ppl like them can read this thread...

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"Things are only fragile till they break."


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Olive
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I have received oral but I've never given it but I dont say its "nasty" because I know that I'm still young and I probably will one day. It's not too much different from cunninglingus, Im just not ready to do felato quite yet. I've never had sex either but I can imagine it being a beautiful experience if it's with someone who you truely care about.
Posts: 338 | From: Livermore, CA | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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