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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » How do I break this "shell"

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Author Topic: How do I break this "shell"
Member # 1924

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For many years I have been cold and unfeeling(I would show no feelings on the outside)and I'm getting tired of it. The reason I've been giving my self is no longer has any meaning to me(My reason was "I'm a soldier and a ture soldier does nothing but fight." metaphoricly speaking) I dont even know why I came up with that. All i want is to beable to show the people i have feelings for but I dont know how. I'm tired of being cold and alone.

[This message has been edited by HiroBarton (edited 12-16-2000).]

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Member # 1194

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Why did you suddenly decide to start showing people your feelings? Are you this way to everyone (including your family) ? What made you feel like you should be acting like a "soldier" in the first place?? These are some q's you need to ask yourself before you turn to people who have no clue about what's goin on!

------------------ *My Ryan Page*
"Don't go in the teepee without a condom on your peepee"~Dumb & Dumber

Posts: 543 | From: NY | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

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you can start slowly. start simply with verbalizing and describing things that make you feel good. detail how they make you feel, extending past "good."

por ejemplo: i really enjoy rock climbing. i love the exhiliaration i feel when i am 20 feet above ground with nothing but a string holding me up. i like being surrounded by nature because i feel closer to the earth.

it's about capturing a feeling. you can try working your way towards things that upset you.

on a side note, i really feel like i need to say it, i'm usually such a mellow, stoic person, but for some time now, i've been feeling so low. i think i am depressed -- i cannot snap out of it. i had to leave my boyfriend's place today because i felt like i was going to fall apart. so i came home and got online. i feel a little better now. i mean, every now and then, i'll be really excited after a show. last night, is a fine example of that. but the novelty wears off quickly.

i need to sleep this off.

Someday, I will have a sexy car...a!

Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 1896

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I agree with Gumdrop Girl, try to start to identify your feelings again....only to yourself at first. Why don't you start to write in a diary? - That often helps to clear things in your head. Opening up to other people takes time and is a long process, so don't rush things. Give yourself some didn't "close up" from one day to the other so take you time to open up as well.
All the best,

And Gumdrop Girl - *sending you lots of positive energy*

Just a regular lunatic.
Go inside Alaska's head...

Posts: 4526 | From: germany | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2210

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Well first off.. that pesky Zechs and his Epyon are in the way lol sorry..

truth be told.. I feel the same way..
but Ive manage to nab a few friends (heya lilbluesmurf) but I think I'm beginning to snap out of it... but it's been gradual.. maybe realizing that there are people who care and deserve the same in return was what sent me on the 'road to recovery' I don't know.. on the other hand you can simply force yourself until it becomes more comfortable for you... besides...

(If any of you havent seen Gundam wing, you might not get this.. but it is relevant)

Hiro, even though he's a 'true soldier' feels strongly about defending the colonies and his love for both the Earth and outer space.. the only reason he tries to be cold is that for him feelings were counterproductive...

and to everyone else that's worried about the 'soldier' part.. I don't think there's anything wrong with that philosophy.. (there's more than one way to fight) even though Im not blowing stuff up in a big robot (lol) I like to think of myself the same way.. sometimes 'soldier' can mean simply determinedness...

hmm, on the other hand.. maybe I talk too much lol..

"There's no bright future for soldiers who scurry for their reward"

-"Zechs Merquise"

Posts: 4 | From: Napanee, Ontario, Canada (sigh) | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 713

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Have you been deliberately trying to appear cold, or is it just something that's ended up happening? If it's the latter, then it might just be the way you are. Some people simply aren't very expressive, and there's nothing wrong with that in and of itself.

If you care about someone, just tell them. People who've been around you for a while will understand that you're not very outwardly emotional, and if they like you for who you are (or who you appear to be, if seeming cold is a deliberate attempt on your part), this won't bother them. If you like, you can also explain to them that you're fairly stoic on the outside, and possibly add that you're working on changing this. Again, if they care about you, they'll understand.

And if you're worried that no one will like you because you're not all gushy and emotional, don't. There are people out there who will like you. I speak from personal experience here -- I'm extremely emotionless in everyday interaction, and plenty of people think I'm nifty.

Posts: 266 | From: Portland, Oregon | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1924

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It was a little combination of wanteding to be cold and just turing out that way. Things in my past have programed me to be emotionaless.

Yes I have watch Gundam Wing. And the reason I use the Name HiroBarton is because I think i'm kind of like Heero Yuy and Trowa Barton(As well as Millardo).

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Member # 2244

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I'm sorta like Heero(I like to spell it that way), Trowa, and Wufei.

I don't really show much feelings toward others and I'm not really a person that would comfort people. I'm really silent, not really one of those people that are happy and moronic like Duo.

Like Wufei, I think everything is injustice.(My parents rantings at me, School, life, and this stupid screen keeps wiggling >.<# Damn EMI.)

I'm terribly uncomfortable being around people, I'd rather be alone sometimes. My mom says I act like a snob because I never smile and like I never say 'hello' to people. But its just because I'm too nervous around people.

Ok this screen is making me sick from the wiggling so I'm gunna get off.

Posts: 10 | From: F.W.B.,Florida,United States | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2226

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My girlfriend was the same way. She had this "shell" and wouldn't let me in or her out. The thing that got her out was going out with me and experiancing how good it feel to express and recieve love. I don't know if this helped you but that might be a way.


Posts: 88 | From: Canton, Ohio, USA | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1168

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Is it that you find it hard to open up to people (ie. take a long time to build up trust) or is it that you don't open up to anyone ever? I think that sometimes it's hard to open up to people if you don't trust easily. I know that for me I used to find it hard to believe that people would like me for me, so I'd keep myself close unless I was around people I really trusted. I don't know how I've changed except that I do open up more easily. I care less about what people think. Try to find people that you trust and realise that they probably will like you more if you trust them.
If it's that you just can't open up to anyone tthen I think that the journal idea is a really good one. Opening up your emotions to yourself is the first step then inject some small emotion into your daily life, enough so that you don't feel threatened by it. Just take it one step at a time and you'll find yourself slowly opeing up

Posts: 303 | From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1924

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Things in my past have caused me to distrust anyone with my true feelings. With out getting into too much detail I was encouraged to express my self yet when i did I was druged up and than put in a prison(They seen me as a theright to the Nazi-ism and had to deal with me the only way they knew how).
All that hell i went throught in 6th-8th grade basicly screwed me over(I'm now in 12th.) I learned to show no feelings at all. I'm neutral on the out side(it's kind of different on the inside)

I think it;s kind of pathetic that i'm 18 and never had a GF. You'd think a person would get used to the fact they are alone(being that I try to be the soldier) but i cant get used to it.

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Member # 1924

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I think I figure out the ture cause of this "shell".Behavorism(It's the concept that we repeat actions rewarded and avoid actions we are punished for, something i just learn in socialogy) As I "flashback" on the hell i went throught in 6th and 7th grade I was encouraged to express my-self but when what i felt was not to everyones liking i was literlay locked up and druged(Goes a little bit deeper then that but it's a good sumed up version). Something I dont wish to repeat.
Now that I kind of found the cause all i need to do is figure out how to fix it this problem

Posts: 16 | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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