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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » emotional equal?

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Author Topic: emotional equal?
Member # 1902

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hi boyfriend and i have been dating for quite some time now, things have been progressing well, and still are. but we have both decided that it's way too risky for us to have sex until there's a true commitment, like marriage, or engaged. i know sex is a way for some people to feel closer to their soyfirends, girlfriends and whatnot, but we've decided against doing that. what i'm looking for is something like an emotional equal to sex. i love to feel closer to him, and to strengthen the bond we already have, i'm just looking for an idea or 2. thanks.
Posts: 59 | From: Mountaintop | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 871

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Truth be told, if you're talking about the physically intimate aspect, there is no equivalent for many,but not all, people(correct me if I'm wrong,please) . That isn't what should be used to strengthen the bond in your relationship if you feel you're not ready. Spending time with one another and cuddling, hugging or other romantic things could be just as emotionally satisfying for as sex.
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Member # 1902

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i guess i kind of made my post a little fuzzy. I'm not looking for a physically intimate alternative to sex, i'm trying to find something mental or emotional that can make us as close as that kind of feeling does. maybe that kind of thing simply does not exist, but it's worth a look around.
Posts: 59 | From: Mountaintop | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

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intimacy is a great thing to have in a relationship, and imho, it serves as a fine alternative to intercourse.

snuggle. on the couch, then talk. that way you will connect on the warm-and-fuzzy-my-heart-beats-so-rapidly level, and then your get to have intellectual intercourse. talk about politics, talk about school, talk about you interests or whatever have you.

start a dialectic. ask questions. strange ones are good. "if you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?" you will find out a lot about yourself and your partner this way.

Someday, I will have a sexy car...a!

Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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That's really a good question, and it's a pity more people don't ask. If they did, they might have more realistic expectations about sex (I am going to assume you mean intercourse, but who knows. Sex is more than intercourse), and have better sex when they had it.

In truth, after a sizeable sexual lifetime, I don't really find that intercourse is in and of itself more emotionally and physically intimate than things like sleeping (as in, being asleep) with a partner, embracing and kissing them, or even hugging them.

A physical act doesn't have a quantitative emotional value -- it's all about what you put into it. If more people gave their gusto to every act of physical intimacy, the world would likely be a nicer place.

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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