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 Cutting (self-injury, SI, self-mutilation, slashing, et cet) (Page 4)
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| Author | Topic: Cutting (self-injury, SI, self-mutilation, slashing, et cet) |
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coldplayer Activist Posts: 68 |
posted 07-30-2003 09:34 AM
  
yeah that is wierd. when i cut, i always hide it (i do it on my legs) and have excuses in my mind if they are seen. i know a couple of people who cut and show the world! one even has their profile on a chat room as 'i cut myself'- i don't inderstand why they show people. i think it is a personal matter, and one which would really embarrace me if all my friends and family knew 
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Cambes Neophyte Posts: 3 |
posted 08-02-2003 02:14 AM
I guess I have allways hurt myself. When I was little I would bang my head against the wall if I did something wrong. After my girlfriend cheated on me I started cutting to help releave the pain. I used a dull pocket knife so it took several swipes to draw blood. I recently started using a paring knife. It cuts with one motion. I cut the inside of my arm below the elbow. People have noticed and I lie or try to pretend that I didn't hear them and try to change the subject. I wash dishes so I have to wear short sleaves. I usually spend the day with my arm bent as far as possiable to hide the marks but I drop my guard a lot. I feel like there is no future for me even though I get good grades. I'm depressed and don't have the guts to talk to a doctor. My parents don't know me so I don't talk to them very often. I know cutting is wrong but it's the only thing that helps. I feel so alone, that no one cares, and I'm running out ways to make myself feel better. IP: Logged |
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MeJaimieMe Neophyte Posts: 1 |
posted 08-20-2003 12:05 AM
I have some friends who self mutilate. One of them is sometimes suicidal. He tells me (on AIM of all things) that he's going to kill himself sometimes, and he scares me to death. I try to be compassionate and tell him why he shouldn't, and I guess it works, but sometimes if I'm having a bad day and I feel like he has no right to put me in that position and I just get sick of it and I get mad at him. I know this is kind of off topic, but all this talk of cutting and depression and stuff made me think of it, and I was just wondering if I am justified to feel angry. Most of my friends talk about how they hate themselves and they're stupid and ugly and stuff and I am sick and tired of it. I feel the same way, but do I complain about it all the time? (yes, my friends and I have such good mental health don't we?) It seems to me like they feel like they're the only ones with problems. But then I feel like I'm doing the same by thinking that. It's really very confusing. I don't even know what I'm asking, but any advice? Also, I kind of have an obsession with suicide. I am never going to actually do it, and I have no desire to at all. But I love imagining ways I could do it and reading stories about it and fantasizing about doing it. Is that wierd? Sorry this post is kind of off topic. I just had to get this stuff off of my chest. ------------------ IP: Logged |
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sweet'n'sazzy Neophyte Posts: 15 |
posted 08-20-2003 07:02 PM
i started cutting last year....it wasn't much...i would take something sharp...mainly safety pins and things like that...and just run them along my arm until it started to bleed. i told people it was my cat because he scratches me all the time and everyone believed me...i stopped for a long time, then did it again a couple of months later... well, it had been about 6 months since i last did it, and i did it again, but differently. i like to lite scented candles 'cause they make my room smell good. one of them is in a glass container, and it broke, so i took the little piece of glass and just squeezed it into my palm until it bled...i've done this twice and i think i'm doing better because i havent done it in a while..i've tried to do something i heard on TV once and it works pretty well...you do something that would hurt someone on a stuffed animal or pillow......i also do the screaming into a pillow and that helps alot too... IP: Logged |
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MASKCOLE Activist Posts: 30 |
posted 08-20-2003 08:14 PM
I have never really cut myself before. I "scratch" my wrists though with a sewing needle. I don't even really know why. All I know is that it feels good. I don't think I could ever have the guts to "slice" myself with a blade or any of that... it just feels soothing in an odd way. I just started thi behavior in August (this month) and want t ostop but even now can't. I let my two scratches heal, an then re-scratch them until they bleed. I'm so glad to know I'm not alone. I was beginning to think I was the only one. Perhaps I need professional help... I don't know... but it's glad to know others are out there :-) IP: Logged |
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Angel07 Activist Posts: 131 |
posted 08-22-2003 10:47 PM
hmm. . . i dont think i have a *problem* i only started cutting like 2 days ago i think. . . it started this week when i was sad. i just started highschool the 18th. i hate it so far. i couldnt do our first homework assignment in geometry, i still havent done it. its due monday. . . im in pre-ap classes and i told my mom i wanted out. . i dont see my friends that much unless i have a class with them, its impossible to meet between classes, the school is soo big. so i was having a hard time, also with guys i like and stuff. . .can i talk about that here? this is about SI, but yeah. ok ill get back on topic. so i was super mad afterschool one day, and was throwing stuff around in my room. i threw a CD case i have and it broke in pieces. well, yesterday i picked up the front and broke it all the way (it was cracked across) and for some reason, i just scratched my arm with the jagged plastic end. i dont know why. that afternoon/night, i did it over and over. i scratched up my arm, and it was all red marky and stuff. i also had my scissors and dragged the blade across my arm. . it never like bleeds, so i dont think this is really cutting. my arm looks crappy today though, i cut this morning and after school today. some of them are like "cuts" but some are just scratches. . so yeah, thats my story. actually,i was looking for a razorblade but i dont have one. . maybe thats a good thing. a couple days ago i was seriously thinking about suicide. . i wrote a note and was trying to like hold my breath till i passed out, but i couldnt do it. . i feel better today, but i still cut my arm afterschool, its kinda addicting. yeah, thats all i have to say. 
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badly_behaved_badger Activist Posts: 388 |
posted 08-23-2003 10:58 AM
Angel, babe, what you're describing is self injury, in what ever shape or form. And yes it is addictive. I'll share what I know from my experience: I have (had) depression and around six months ago my self esteem was at the lowest it has ever been. Nowadays my self worth is up, down, and all over the place and sometimes if I have a particularly bad five minutes (for example if someone says something very hurtful or I make a complete fool of myself) I will think about hurting myself in some way. I can compare it to the feeling you get when you are thirsty - you start thinking about water, you start looking for a drink, but if I just sit down and breathe, the feeling goes away again. I know it is difficult, but just try it, Angel, Ok? Give yourself time to think. Time to breathe. I can't pretend that it works EVERY time, but stepping back helps. *badger* IP: Logged |
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coldplayer Activist Posts: 68 |
posted 09-18-2003 01:44 PM
they say its its the hardest thing to start, and the hardest thing to stop. and yes it sure is hard to quit. it has unfortunately become my 'way' of dealing with life and although it may not be pretty, it works for me. i cut my legs (so no one can see) and bite the inside of my mouth until theres no more blood to bleed. sometimes when i 'need' to talk, i do that, then i don't.. noone knows about it really, a close friend knows i've cut my legs once or twce, but i keep it to myself because i don't want attention. i just feel like such a mess! IP: Logged |
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Angel07 Activist Posts: 131 |
posted 09-22-2003 07:28 PM
i saw that someone asked why people cut themselves. . so i decided to answer. . i dont know why i started. i just did. then, i did it because i didnt feel anything. i felt like i was dead, and i would get so mad that i couldnt feel anything, so i'd slash my arm up. then i could look at the blood and know i was alive. . when i get mad i do it now. i dont do it for attention. it would be hard to do it for attention, since i do it in my room, and only 1 person knows i do it, and no one except for me has ever seen my cuts. no one ever sees my arms. . . ive been doing it for like 5 weeks now,and i dont know what to do anymore. . sometimes i want to stop, and other times i just dont really care. i just feel like im so fake, like im hiding everything i am- my arms, my cuts are who i am, and i hide them. i guess i need help, but i dont know what to do anymore. . . IP: Logged |
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crustpunk Neophyte Posts: 11 |
posted 10-05-2003 08:57 AM
I used to cut myself. It was about 3 months ago. I was just really depressed and kind of in a different state of mind. All kinds of things were happening in my life and I felt like I had no control over anything. So first I started having major outbursts towards my parents. I'd freak out and scream and cry and break things and slam doors. Then one day it got really bad and without even thinking I grabbed my switchblade (knife) ran in my room, locked the door, and started cutting. Cuts usually hurt, but the blade going across my skin felt good. Afterwards it hurt of course, but during, I guess I was just in so much pain emotionally, I didn't focus on the physical pain. After that things got worse. I started being more and more out of control, I started cutting myself more, and just not acting like me. On many incidents my mom called the cops on me and I got lectures and such. Finally my mom said I needed to go to a therapist. I wanted to, because I wanted to be my normal self again, but I was so scared I would make up any reason to not have to go. Even when I DID go to the therapist, it was pointless. I would avoid answering her questions, I wouldn't answer them completely honestly, and I would ignore her questions. Eventually I guess I kind of started acting normal again, so my mom stopped making me appointments. For awhile after that, I still felt the same inside. I didn't show it, but I did. I felt like if I died no one would care, and I'd just disappear from everyone's memories. I still cut myself, but hid it well. The funny thing is, my mom payed all kinds of money for a therapist that didn't help me one bit, but many phone conversations with my then ex-boyfriend (now boyfriend again) was what made me better and stop cutting. And even now, many months after all that, a conversation with a good friend of mine who had gone through cutting, depression, and even being in a mental institution, further convinced me that how I felt before didn't matter. That people did care about me and that cutting myself and feeling horrible all the time was pointless. So I guess the point of this is that all you need to feel like you're wanted (which is from what I know a main reason people get depressed) is a few good friends, maybe even some who know what you're going through, to help you get through it. I'm sorry my little post got kinda off topic, I guess once I started talking all kinds of other thoughts and feelings kind of came out along with it. IP: Logged |
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